Saturday, July 29, 2017

Sex, Religion and Politics - is it a deal breaker for friendships? It seems like it ends up that way even if you don't want it to.

I started this blog because I wanted to vent. It was 2008 and we lived in Mexico. I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to and so I just started writing about everything that was in my heart and on my mind.  But what happened was I became aware that local people I worked with read what I was writing. Blogs were very popular at the time. I wrote about some of the people I was working with and later was pretty sure I heard people discussing what I had written. So I toned down the truth a bit.

In the beginning I thought that since I was way down in Mexico and my other life I had before was up here in Portland, Oregon that no one would have any idea what I was talking about.  My entire life I'd wanted to write. To pour out what was in my heart. But when I realized local people would be reading it I curbed it a bit. Then later when I was practicing law of attraction, which I still ascribe to in most senses, I realized that writing my worries and upsets just gave more strength to the problem. So I took my everyday life out of it even farther.
opinions of  sex, religion, and politics in friendship a deal breaker?
says a slave owner who raped his slaves and put his own children into slavery.
OLD FRIEND

Now days I only spend time with my immediate family. Being that I am an artist/filmmaker I don't have co workers or even many clients. For years I have/had a best friend but my dear friend L and I just don't see eye to eye on some big issues. These issues may be deal breakers because we both mutually stopped contacting each other.

We love to share and talk, we usually have a great time together, but our family values are a little different.  I believe that my children should be exposed to certain things that are part of society so that once they are older they don't go off the deep end.  I'm not referring to drug use or anything like that but more like education, public schools, media, etc. I've never let my children play violent games but I do let them watch movies and listen to songs that have bad words and even worse scenarios, yet at the same time, I still shield them from some of the major catastrophes of the world.

She is sort of the exact opposite, she doesn't want her kids to see anything that has to do with normal sexuality but is constantly talking about the worst crisis of the world in other parts of the world and showing them the gore that is going on.

For me, with media and my kids, if things get too dirty I still send my 11-year-old out of the room. For my 14-year-old on the other hand, I just let it slide. Especially after the fact that she has gotten into too much adult type stuff, that I shockingly found out about when she was younger and I'm not going to pretend she doesn't know about it. So I gave up that battle. I still do battle with her about staying away from people who are already on a  bad path early in life. Plus she is a straight A student and at some point you have to give them some respect for that accomplishment. But of course not total freedom.

My friend L believes she should control all media that her children are exposed to.  She talks a lot about the end of the world and demons and awful fears she has and she has some pretty strange ideas about god and how god is in our lives. She believes that many good things in life are the devil trying to trick you. I don't get it and don't want to, because I believe there is no reason to complicate life so much. In my view good is good and bad is bad.

The last thing we differ on are our political views. She is buying into all the right wing media, fake news about Progressive and liberal people. And I'm a liberal. It is weird because she is a smart person, but somehow she believes that what they are saying is not a theater show propaganda but is real news.  When Obama was in office she was all into all the conspiracy theories about him being gay or sharia law or what ever. She is/was addicted to news about isis and basically spending all her time preoccupied with on all types of really depressing stuff that I just didn't have time or energy to worry about.

She actually once said to me that she couldn't believe I was a liberal because I'm a good person. Implying that liberal people are bad people. Way to brush stroke over a huge population of people. But on the other hand, I think Alt Right Trump supporters are idiots and stupid so I guess I'm judgemental as well. But I'm still confused where she got that idea about Liberals being bad people. Which is basically the opposite of why liberals are liberal. Liberals are people who want to help all people and declare that we all have equal rights. But for some reason she believes this sales pitch that the right wing is saying that liberals are not Christians and what ever ignorant hype that goes with it. I mean liberals may be less religiously Christian, but they are more behaved like the principles of Christ than the MAGA people who want to judge and categorize everyone and are chanting hateful stuff and assaulting people. L and I have tried to talk through it and it just doesn't go anywhere but a circle.

I love her very much and if it wasn't for our views on sex, religion, and politics then we would be inseparable. The problem is those are my favorite topics.  I love talking about sex, my spirituality, and sometimes politics.

NEW FRIEND

I met another friend, January-ish. I thought things were going pretty well, but I started to notice that I was being a friend to her for the wrong reasons. Not the wrong reasons for her but the wrong reasons for me. I was only trying to be friends with her because she was basically homeless and suicidal and in a crisis point of her life and she had a bad habit of alienating everyone in her life.  Her son was being a little shit to mine and she thinks he is an innocent angel. Every time there were no adults around, her son would insult my son's intelligence. I witnessed it more than once when he didn't know I was there. My daughter also witnessed it when she was babysitting this kid. When it happened my son would get mad and explode and then she would be upset at my son hearing about how he was mad and didn't want to play with her son. Snarky remarks get to him. That is understandable to me because I only like to be around nice people as well. This explains why I am isolated :).

This friend was basically homeless and I asked my son to be nice regardless and to try to have compassion for her son since his life was so uprooted. Ultimately it became almost cruel to ask my son to continue to do that when her son was always so rude. The truth is she was very rude to me as well.  Eventually, she completely alienated me. For the past 2 weeks I haven't felt guilty about not keeping in touch with her. She seems to have gotten her life back on track and the last time I saw her she was a complete bitch to me. Before that happened she basically eluded that she is drawn to right wing principles and possibly something white supremacist because she actually said something about her son drawing a swastika and "free speech" which was all the rhetoric at the time for the alt-right. Last time I saw her she said that she hated mexicans, "but not your family." she said. 

LIFETIME FRIEND

Before that, I lost one of my oldest friends It was approximately 1 year ago and I said that anyone who supports Trump is a racist. I had personally witnessed my friend being racist for years and years. She was always asking weird questions to me over and over about my husband saying that he doesn't pay taxes etc. Whatever - compeltely not true. Then she would be scared if she even saw a black person. I love diversity. So I said that after she was supporting Trump and saying how she HATED OBAMA to me so many times. She said, "I can't be friends with someone who thinks I'm racist." And proceeded to completely block me from her facebook. All I said was that Trump supporters are racist. I didn't say I didn't want to ever be friends, though I was seeing that we were not matching up.


NO FRIEND

This blog has changed its focus. Originally it was about my interpersonal issues, then it was about moving to Mexico and the struggles and differences. Then at one point it was about my spiritual journey. And more recently it was about recovering from chronic fatigue. Now I want to bring it full circle and just go back to my interpersonal journey.  I say that because I feel lonely. I need someone to talk to even if it is only this blank blog page. I've lost my journaling through this process and I'd like to bring it back. 

Plus since I was a child I wanted to write and sometimes that is all I have energy for. 

That's all for now. 

Heather