Monday, November 14, 2016

Auto-writing for peace of mind

I'm so distraught this last week. The things I've seen in the media, the stories my children have been telling me for months but I didn't take it seriously. Hate in the name of Trump.  "Build a wall." coming from children at my children's school. "I should grab your pussy, It's Trumps America now bitch."  Happened to a girl I went to college with. You read the comments on videos of protesters and so much hate and opposing sides. I'm going to do auto writing again because I am having the worst time even concentrating on my project.

Q - Dear God please give me advice on how I should go forward, I'm having such a rough time.

A- It will come a time when you are united with the people of your source, it is only then that you worry what will happen to them. Give graciously and take kindly. Be the person you always wanted to be with grace and love. These rough times are a test of our ability to love, do it. Be kind anyway. In a turmoil society you have but one choice and that is to assimilate to kindness. Hold your tongue and emanate love. Focus on giving and praying and loving and you will change just a little piece of this reality.Your will be done.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

You might think I'm a Kook, I'll put it all out there, I'm a progressive liberal who also does autowriting,

I ask a question and listen for the answer. Today I ask: Dear God,  What do I do now, how should I go forward?

In times of despair, it is best to vet the circumstances. It would be a travesty to give up. You are a strong woman and an inspiring person. You can lead people but you must stay true to the identity of faith. You must learn that hope and faith are only a connection of spring. Meaning they are connected via the aqueduct of life, ebbing forth the holy stream of consciousness that comes forth for all. In the world, we must fight the good fight, but we must also learn to find kindness.

Anyway, that was auto-writing. I have not done that for awhile. I've been practicing my Course in Miracles but with all the stress of the new president-elect, I've been going in circles, defeated, not doing well.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

I am cured! (updated July 30, 2017)

I guess I can change my blog back to a normal blog about a hodgepodge of stuff because I'm cured.

If you look through previous posts you can see that I was convinced I had some life-threatening disease, but after I did all the parasite cleanses, which I'm continuing to do, I was still terribly fatigued. I have PCOS and thyroid issues so I waited 4 months to see an endocrinologist. She took my Vitamin D levels and checked my thyroid levels. They were both low, according to how she reads it.  My regular internist doctor had been saying my thyroid levels were fine, but she said that to be optimal, they should be higher. She also put me on a prescription dose of vitamin D.

I'm cured. So much that I finished my book:

I'm starting a new business:

I'm feeling great!

So if you feel like crap all the time this is what helped me, Reeses Pinworm medicine or search Curezone for Pyrantel and you will get a suggestion how to get larger quantities for cheaper, treat your whole family twice a year. Also, check your vitamin D level and thyroid level.  


I've thought I was cured before, but this time I haven't been bedridden since August 24, 2016. 

Blessings to all, check out my book.  I'm working on getting the series up on Amazon Video. 


Updated in new post on July 30, 2017

Thursday, July 28, 2016

My Blood pressure is high, but I feel 200% better than before. !!!!!!!!!

So my new doctor and I have been trying all different types of medicines to figure out how to control my blood pressure, but.... what if having high blood pressure isn't the worse thing that could happen.

I mean.... it is very high right now, but I feel fantastic... so what?  At this point, I'd rather live with high blood pressure feeling great, then have lower blood pressure and feel deathly ill and actually believe that I was dying for YEARS....

The latest medicine my doctor gave me is spironolactonejust after I started taking it I started getting these terrible stomach aches, which have been getting progressively worse. My blood pressure doesn't seem to be improving at all. I looked up today the common side effects of Spironolactone and it says stomach pain, stomach cramps, and nausea. Well... I really take this seriously. Before, for some ignorant reason I would never think my illness was first from the medication, but now.. I do.

I'm also feeling better and I think looking better.

Music Video I made for my nephew a young music producer - Luis C-D

Thursday, June 30, 2016

What was supposed to be making me better was making me sick. Are your prescriptions Killing you?

Hello Everyone, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing way better. I think I'm back to my pre-2009 self. I'm ready to get back to work.

Just found this book - Are Your Prescriptions Killing You?: How to Prevent Dangerous Interactions, Avoid Deadly Side Effects, and Be Healthier with Fewer Drugs If you want my long BORING medical story, here it is: Maybe you didn't know or maybe you knew that in 2007 I started getting very ill (in Mexico). I developed hypertension, kidney stones, osteoarthritis, GERD, and a variety of other problems. In 2008 I started taking a hypertension medicine called Carvedilol aka Coreg. In 2010 I actually had a stroke. I was eating a can of chilli after coming home from college and I couldn't talk, my tongue just was not working. I thought maybe I was allergic to the preservatives. The nurse hotline told me to take a Benadryl and call back in the morning, but if it got worse to go into the hospital. It got worse and I was losing my speech and I felt a pulling on one side of my face. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and sent me to get an MRI and found that I had actually had a stroke. They also found that including that time, I had a total of 5 strokes. At that time Doctors added the medicine Amlodipine and aspirin. Ever since then I've been awfully sick, just getting more sick and more sick every year and gaining 5 to 10 lbs a year because I was too sick to be active, I guess. One doctor told me the fatigue was because of the strokes, that some people have permanent fatigue after a stroke, and that was a naturopath. My main doctor believed I just had anxiety and it was all in my head. I couldn't work. The doctors could not figure out what was wrong I had zillons of blood tests and other tests. Just kept getting worse and worse and unable to work because 1/3rd of my time was bed ridden and over half my time I was majorly ill, the rest of the time I was getting around, but ran out of energy at 3pm when I had to take a Tramadol just to have stamina to get through the day. Last year I was doing all these cleanses and it seemed like I got a little better but then I got worse, and then worse. This year new symptoms showed up, amoung the dozens of other symptoms, my liver enzymes were elevated, feet were swelling every day, they would only get better when I laid down. Then on Spring break I fell at Universal studios and got a big knot on my left shin. After that, my left foot was swelling to unrecognizable proportions.I came back from vacation and my doctor was basically ignoring my problems. I ended up seeing a Physician Assistant and he really tried to help me. He told me that Amlodipine could be causing the strange headaches and for sure the swelling. I was taking way too high of a dosage and for way too long, since it had long-term side effects. So we reduced my dosage and it helped a little with the swelling. But he increased the other medicine Carvedilol. Then one day I was talking to a pharmacist and she said that she was surprised that Amlodipine was causing fatigue, usually, people had fatigue with Carvedilol.

Oh really? Hmmmmm So I changed doctors and asked him to switch up my medication. And he did. I've now been on 2 new blood pressure medicines for about 4 -5 weeks. The traveling pain, weird headaches and fatigue have left. I still get normal problems but now the normal issues like common cold, allergy, random headaches, or PMS don't make me bed ridden like before. So there you have it. I've been taking Carvedilol since 2008 and Amlodipine since 2010. These medicines that were supposed to be helping me were making me terribly ill. Now I feel so much better. I'm ready to get going on my career, and all my ambitions.

The new Blood pressure medicine is Losartan without the diuretic and Diltiazem.

Diatomaceous Earth must have been helping because it helped get the bad medicines out of my system. But I stopped taking it on and off and it didn't seem to make a difference.

Another note: I've also been taking the following vitamins and supplements everyday. Once I started feeling better I have been scared to change a thing.

  • Vitam B Complex
  • Chewable Papya Enzyme with Chlorophyll
  • Probiotic
  • CoQ10
  • Artemisinin
  • Cloves
  • Green Magma (tablets)
  • Folic Acid
  • Milk Thistle
  • Ginger Root
  • Super Enzymes

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Where does my Chronic Illness Come from? An introspective look at possibilities.

I was carrying a tall, round, overflowing laundry basket through the living room and I thought, What got me here? What actually brought me to this point of  Chronic Fatigue and dissatisfaction with my life.  I am dissatisfied because I'm tired of being chronically ill.

I used to write in my journal almost every day and then in 2008 I started a blog and slowly after that my writing dwindled down and dwindled down. It is weird how we limit ourselves when we write out in the public.

In my research of illness, I've come across the ACE test, here is an article about it on NPR. I'm not sure where I originally came across it.  You can take the test here on an article on NPR and read more about it here

When I did the test just now I came up with a 3 it could be a 4 but the questions are sort of open for some interpretation.  It is because my mother was mentally ill and gone 2/3 rds of the time before I was 18.  We were often very poor, on an off. Once when I was 15 we were homeless for a few months when we moved to California.  My father was an alcoholic but it wasn't a problem alcoholic.  My father did cuss and yell about stuff but it generally was not directed at me.  Only if I was being a brat.  I was never abused physically, sexually, or mentally but those other things actually do add up.

Now, I wonder if that has something to with my chronic illness.

I used to think that what made me get sick was my IUD. I had a Mirena IUD put in in Fall 2006, I started getting very sick in mid-2007 in Mexico.  I developed Hypertension, kidney stones, back issues, stroke, etc etc.  But now I'm not so sure.  I've had the Mirena out since 2010.  One reason I thought it was the Mirena IUD was because through 3 pregnancies I never once got pregnancy Hypertension. One reason I'm doubting it now because since I got the Mirena out I haven't gotten better.

I've only gotten worse.

Also as far as the kidney stones something interesting happened, for my entire drinking life, the desire to drink hard alcohol and not being able to stop drinking was very strong before the kidney stone episode.  Not only was the desire to drink stronger but the hangovers were much worse. From the time I drank in my teens through that kidney stone surgery, I would have the most devastating hangovers. I could have a glass of wine and get a terrible hangover. I could drink 10 shots of tequila and have a terrible hangover. These hangovers were where I literally felt like I was dying. I'd puke all day long, turn green, be in complete agony until late the next day about 9pm.  After the Kidney stone surgery, I can drink and I don't really get a hangover. Now, it's like what people always told me hangovers were like, you just feel a little tired and groggy. But I rarely drink now anyway, because of the longer term health affects.

I'm always seeing this thing about forgiveness and people who don't forgive get chronic illness - here is the mayo clinic about it  But  honestly, I've forgiven everyone I can think of over and over again for years. I really don't feel like I have any grudges that I can recall.  Occasionally I get pissed off about things but who doesn't right?  Back in 1997 I went through this whole thing where I wrote letters to all the people in my life and physically spoke about any feelings I had about injustice done to me.  Any people I didn't talk to I mentally forgave them. I've even forgiven my first mother-in-law for all the nasty things she did. Wait I'm just thinking.... did I ever forgive my first husband?   Whoa.  hmm.  let's get back to that.  Ok. Fine, I'm going to go through the list of people I might want to forgive.
  • My mother, for being ill and not being able to be a mother to me.  I am re-forgiving her now, but I feel I've already done that.
  • My father, my one family member that really means something to me, for dying when I was only 27.  I mean who can blame him?  I am still sad about it now when I think about it. I mean, I don't think I'm feeling resentful. I am sad. But of course, I forgive him. Who can blame someone for dying when they are very very ill from cancer. 
  • Myself, for stupid things I say or do. I do forgive myself. For not being understanding enough with my children, I forgive myself. I mean I try as best I can to be the best mom I can, I forgive myself when I mess up.  
  • For my unrequited love in 1997, I think that part of my life was meant to happen so I could prepare for this marriage I have now. A growing entity of love and companionship.  
  • Mean people that I've worked with, there was once this lady named Joy Templeton, and I worked with her at Chicago Title in Portland Oregon. I was the newbie in this escrow office and she just made my life hell. I think it was some sort of jealousy. I've always thought that. The only reason I've thought of it now is because I was trying to think of people who were purposefully mean to me.  Ok, I forgive her. I just did it. But it has never been plaguing me.  
  • A guy who bullied me when I worked on Grimm.  I guess I haven't forgiven him in my mind but I will now. done.
  • My friend who messed up our friendship when I worked on Grimm. Adriana. Done forgiven. I feel like I'd already done that.
  • I've had many people who treated me sort of snottily in my life  and I forgive them.  I think being an empath I just feel weird emotions around and I can't put my finger on what it is.  Wait can that be part of it? 
I feel a little lighter thinking of people I had difficult interactions with and mentally forgiving them. But, I really can't think of any people I am holding grudges with. I often go through my mind and send out forgiveness and healing and bubbles of love to any person that crosses my mind. 

I know one thing is for sure and that is if you hold grudges or don't like someone you will continue to see that person over and over and over until you let go of those feelings. What you resist persists. So what I do is let go of any grudges I have, so I don't have to be faced with seeing people I don't care for, over and over. In a way, you could say forgiving is selfish.  Because it releases all that baggage. 

What about how I pick up other people's emotions?   

Here is an interesting article about how being an intuitive empath can affect you. Maybe it is time to finally take seriously healing my chakras, or doing acupuncture.

Last year, when I got a little better, I had been listening to the Abraham Hicks recordings on youtube.

Here is a link to some of my favorites.

At the beginning of Summer 2015, I had gone to a naturopath who threw me into a light depression, because he said there wasn't much he could do to help me.  I had all my hopes pinned on this naturopath and that appointment.  I had waited for a few months to see him.   I thought he was going to really put all the signs together of all my symptoms. He didn't he just gave me some suggestions about digestion.

So then in September 2015, my best friend Laura said I should try Diatomaceous Earth. I started taking it and almost immediately felt better.  Then I started learning about what Diatomaceous Earth was doing and it is supposed to be taking heavy metals and parasites out of your system.

Then I got obsessed with the fact that I might have parasites in me. I started to take the Now Foods Green Black Walnut Tincture.  I started getting better and better, and I felt like a normal person, I was certain it was because I was eradicating parasites our of my body. But then, I don't know what happened. I think I overwhelmed my liver. I started getting fatigued and I would stop taking the tincture because you are supposed to have a break. I would get worse and then start taking the Now Foods and feel a little better. But then nothing was making me get better like I did in December. 

And then since January, I have been getting worse and worse. In addition to all the things listed in this post:, I've developed new problems:

  • My liver enzymes are elevated.  I have Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver
  • I've had swollen feet constantly, and itchy.
  • I now have Dupuytren's Contracture, which developed this year. 

One doctor helped me figure out that Amlodipine, one of my blood pressure meds, was causing the feet swelling.

I got a Lyme Disease test and it was negative. Igenix Western dot.

Most recently I thought I needed to investigate into if I have Cushings Disease - So now I am waiting for my result of this 24-hour cortisol test.

I just want to know what is wrong with me.  But maybe I'm looking at it wrong maybe somehow it IS spiritual thing....?  Maybe that is the problem maybe I spend so much time trying to figure out what is wrong with me.  It really is chicken and egg though because if I don't have enough energy to do anything, how can I get out there.   

One thing that occurred to me is how I'm still working on the Near-Death Experience project and I think it is very important, but I'm also not expressing myself in other ways. I'm not being truly authentically, genuine about my life and writing about it, or creating from it.  

I do want to write. Maybe I should take some online creative writing classes? I'd like to write some fiction stories that are based on my life, or my memoir. 

I heard a spiritual interpretation of health problems on one Abraham Hicks recording and that was that if you are not doing the things your soul needs to do, and moving at the speed you need to be moving, your energy gets bottled up and can manifest as health problems.  

It is so hard because I know when I started on the Near-Death Experience project, now called Consciousness Continues, it was 200% what I was supposed to be doing and I am convinced I have to finish  it before I can move forward. But my health problems are making that difficult. With the strokes and fatigue, and tumor in my thyroid, and kidney stones, and hypertension and GERD, and all the things that make me sick I have thought that I would die before I finish.  I'm still alive and I'm almost done and then there is that part of me that thinks I might die as soon as I finish it.  That scares me a little bit. I didn't think I was scared of dying but I am only scared because I think my children need me. 

Right now, I live my life like a terminally ill person. I have good days and bad days. 

Thats all for now. 
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland