Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How to get through the holidays with family that you don't really want to be around. Auto Writing Post 6

What have I been up to? I've been working on transcribing the footage from all the interviews. I have this program that basically transcribes it for you but it messes up just enough to make it a ton of work re-editing it. However it does help in organizing the footage itself.

This week I have a meeting with my publisher, my friend Tooke to get going on making some changes to her feature film, and with the lovely Sondra who I interviewed exactly 2 years ago. Plus more doctor appointments for me and the kids.

I have a feeling of dread for the holidays. I'm still working through these feelings of people issues. Lately, to be honest, I have not really been enjoying any time we spend with my husband's family. When the kids were little getting all the nieces and nephews together to visit was great. But now that the kids are getting bigger and we realize that all the parenting styles are so very different I don't want my kids learning bad habits from their cousins. Not only that but when I am with Enrique's family as a group, I feel more alone than being alone. I just can't seem to connect to them anymore.  I'm tired of trying to force something that doesn't happen naturally.

I care deeply for his brothers and sisters, and I do like one of my non related brother in laws. But everyone else that is only related by marriage, I just can't seem to want to be around them anymore.

I'm going to ask what the other side thinks about this.

Q. Dear God, I don't really want to be around my husband's family anymore, and I know that to make my husband happy I should want to be around his family but I just don't feel like it.  Please give me some advice about this.

A. In the thinking of formality and how to treasure your family, you are not talking directly about connections. You are referring to obligation. You are referring to the feeling of arbitrary relationships. They are meant to be in your life for a purpose but you must find the purpose on an individual basis, you cannot lump all the people into one group. We as souls belong together. But as a family you cannot address the people as a whole you must connect individually to determine how you can be of service. 

Friday, November 14, 2014

Getaway last weekend at the film fest.

My dear friend and colleague PR Tooke invited me to go to the Eugene Film Festival with her last weekend for the screening of her film "Thru TheWoods", as her friend and Marketing Director/Graphic Arts person.

Here is a version of the Poster that I designed for her.When she had told me about it,
This is the version I like, it is not the official version. 
I had somehow mis-understood how long the trip was planned for, thinking it would be from Thursday to Saturday morning.  She asked me about a month ago and this whole time I planned to be gone for 2 nights and then come back.

On the Friday morning,  while we were at breakfast I casually asked "So what time are we headed back tomorrow?" She answered that we weren't going back till Sunday night or possibly Monday morning. Wow what a dork I am. I had made plans for Sunday morning, and even Monday morning.

We were having a great time and my husband even said that if I was having a nice time to just stay. But after a 2nd night of not sleeping well I decided I think it would be better for me to stick to my original plan of going back Saturday. So I took the Bolt bus back to Portland.

Have you heard of the $1 bus tickets? Bolt Bus is a bus that seems nicer than greyhound, and you can get tickets for as low as $1.  I paid $14 for my ticket to go from Eugene to Portland,  but evidently each bus trip has at least 1, $1 fare on it, here is  blog post from someone describing how to get the elusive $1. fare. http://www.wanderu.com/bus-travel-review/boltbus-coupon-promo-code/

I had a great 2 hour bus ride, except that some messed up persons gas permeated the bus.  Wow.  Unbelievable.

Oh well, the trip as a whole was very fun. We went to screenings, breakfasts, dinner, shopping and even a historic house. We've had  nonstop interesting and  philosophical conversations, and talked about our life stories.  The day I left,  I even went and got my hair done at the JC Penney. It was a lovely time.


That's all for now.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Wild Teenage Years, and a very specific date from my Auto-Writing Post 5

Yesterday Junie and I went downtown to OHSU to participate in a paid study about ADHD. No medications are involved and June doesn't even have ADD or ADHD but because we both got to earn money for answering some questions, and her playing some games, we decided to do it. I do have very strong opinions about ADHD and I'm hoping that a solution without medication can be found for future children.
These photos are from http://www.gobytram.com/ 
On the long winding drive up there June was enjoying having mommy to herself.  I told her if we are selected to continue the study for the other 2 sessions we should take the tram. Doesn't that look like fun?

These photos are from http://www.gobytram.com/ 
After the 9000 questions he asked me about June's behaviors and if she has ever exhibited certain traits, he moved on to ask me questions about my history as a teen and child.

That brought back some things I haven't thought about in a long time. My teen years are so far behind me and are such a stark contrast to who I am now.

I've written about my wild teen years on this blog before.  To re-cap, I was a wild teen. My Mother was in and out of our house since I was 2, because of her mental illness. When I was about 10 she was gone for good. At that point my dad was a single Father with  2 kids and 2 businesses.  As long as I went to school and did all the grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, and some of the cleaning,  he didn't worry too much about what I was doing afterward. And that is when I was a wild child. I was having sex at an early age, drinking, trying drugs, I was completely backwards from the average person. From 13-18 I was very wild and then at 18 I calmed down and stayed calm until about 27 when my Dad was dying of cancer and I was getting a divorce. Then I was  wild again for 2 years and then back to Friday night at Home Depot.

I don't regret any of the things I've been through because those experiences have brought me to where I am today. But answering those questions made it very clear who I was then. And it made me wonder how much am I still like that now? I was a  rebel, who fought authority, questioned authority, did not trust authority. I had big dreams, no mentor but big dreams.

So back to yesterday, after he would ask me if I drank, or did anything illegal between the ages of 12 & 17,  I would answer, and then he would ask me if those activities inhibited my day to day functions in any way. That was pretty difficult for me to answer. I mean how many 12 year-old's do all the grocery shopping, laundry and cooking for their family now days?

Once he established that I got out of that life, he asked me if I went through any counselling programs, went to jail, or any program that helped me get out of that type of life.

Interestingly enough I did not. I  just evolved. I was never addicted to anything and behavior wise my best friend and I did some pretty bad stuff. At 13 and 14 my friend and I started garbage cans on fire, and even burned a bunch of toilet paper in the concrete bathrooms at the local park. We also did some spray painting, at one point our spray painting of FTW, which was "Fuck the World", made the news that  gangs  were moving into Southeast Portland . But no, it was just me and my friend being wild. But I moved away and grew up.

I answered everything completely truthful, that is how I am.  But it was very strange thinking of my life back then.  I have first hand experience about what it is like to get into trouble at a young age, and that is why I watch my daughter very closely. No one was watching me and no one was watching my best friend when we were running wild in Portland. Parents, stay involved with your teens if you  can.

______

Today I am going to ask a question about whether Discovery is actually going to do anything with my tv show. This  should be interesting.

Q. Dear God I am wondering if Discovery is going to go forward with my project and if so when?

A. it is said that the show will air on November 14th, 2016 it will be made from a combination of your efforts and the efforts of a studio named black media aspires. 

___

That blew my mind, I tried to get clarification but it just got crazier so I decided to leave it with this. There you have it. I've seen lots of predictions come true but I have never made it public, until now so lets see if this happens or not. It is amazing that I got such a specific answer. We'll see.


Monday, November 3, 2014

Fear of making new friends - Auto-writing Post 4

The first part was written 10/30/2014

Between last night and today I have gotten so much done. I'm updating my portfolio online - heatherdominguez.com, and today I went on a field trip with my son.  It was pretty fun we went to the Oregon Children's Theater and we got to see a free play, Ivy and Bean

On the field trip today,  I still am having my problem with connecting with new people. I know  many people say my problem isn't a problem at all, because I do connect to people all the time. But I'm one of those people who develops meaningful relationships with a few friends but doesn't make friends easily.

My best friend is able to connect with almost every person she comes across. It makes me feel like I have so much room for improvement.  

Some people say that I don't have an issue at all, different people have different strengths, and that is why I should find people to fill in where I have gaps. That is what I  did when we went to Film-Com, Laura and I flew to Nashville for the Film, Financing and Distribution event in June of this year. Laura was my Public Relations person who stood next to me and smiled and engaged people who were walking by. Sometimes I am able to do that, but I can't turn it on and off when I want. I often feel awkward and distrustful of strangers, I guess my deeper fear is that people will hurt me and I truly need to get past that.  So that is what I am going to ask about today.

2nd part written 11/3/2014

Q. Dear God I am trying the affirmation about kindness from a few days ago,  but I'm still not able to feel comfortable with new people.  Please tell me a way to deal with this issue that I am having.

A. In gratitude we stand, in gratitude we operate. If you become grateful with all the new people who have become your friends your anxiety will ease.  You will realize all relationships start by being new. Take for example the woman with whom you met on Wednesday, she is relatively new to you.  You were able to open your energy to her and to be excited about what is to come. Take that idea in your mind and cultivate it.  Stand with the energy you shared and empathize with all people who you cannot connect. You may be projecting your fears onto them but it is time to come to a realization it all originates in your mind. You are the successor of your fears.

_____

Reading this wondering what that means - It feels profound - "you are the successor of your fears"  I searched successor trying to get clarification.  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/successor

I guess it means I own my fears. Maybe it means I make my own fears I brought them on myself.
___

If you have a question you'd like me to answer with my auto-writing please either comment with it or email me at puertovallartagirl@gmail.com

Thanks,