Saturday, December 29, 2012

My First Feature film is underway

It is about the Near Death Experience check it out -

Friday, December 14, 2012

Maybe there is a message in all this tragedy?

Parents, Future Parents, Grand Parents and community members. A few weeks ago my son’s friend a 20 year old bright youth attempted suicide by jumping off a bridge into oncoming freeway traffic, and this week there has been both the tragedy of the shooting at our local mall as well as the horrifying shooting of today at a school - which honestly is completely beyond my comprehension. I just cannot wrap my mind around it. All 3 incidents involve young men. Perhaps there is some type of message in this that we must acknowledge? We need to connect with our children, I mean really connect. We are all so busy in our hectic lives chasing the dream or just surviving, but we must take some time to check in with our children make sure they have hope. We must assure them that it gets better. Remind them of struggles we over came at the same age. Maybe if we all practiced patience and random acts of kindness. Who knows maybe we might just help someone who is on the edge.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Car Crash Dream

I'm working on this documentary about the Near Death Experience. Specifically about the process people who have Near Death Experiencer's go through afterwards.

Needles to say with my health declining and my focus on what happens when you die I had an AMAZING dream last week.

I wasn't me, I was someone else, speeding in a White Camaro, and I slammed into a brick wall. Immediately I felt a pop and I was floating outside of the car. No pain.

It was so vivid and I woke up wondering if that really just happened to someone. Since that day I've been wanting to describe the sensation. I think it sort of felt like being born. Like if I could remember what it feels like being born is like.  Being squished in and squeezing through a hole and popping out. Like a genie in a bottle.

I've been having sensations or memories of my Grandmothers lately. It had been awhile since I had thought about them. What keeps happening is when I'm lying in bed at night about to go to sleep I sense what it was like to be around them or as if they are near me.  I keep wondering where is my dad?  I haven't had a dream or feeling about him for quite awhile and then I was driving downtown and this song came on the radio. I started having memories about my dad flood into my mind, and then I heard the lyrics. "My Father said Don't you worry child, Heaven has a plan for you."  I really felt like that was him.

For your enjoyment:

Still on the search to figure out my fatigue - I may have found it?!

I haven't been feeling well lately and I have been on a search to figure it out. When I developed several health problems in Mexico every one kept telling me that it is just heredity or that it is all in my head.   That sounds like bullshit to me.

I've made several changes to my lifestyle. I stopped brushing my teeth with fluoride toothpaste, I've stopped using products with sulfates in them on my skin because of strange rash I had on my shoulders since I came back to the US.  I brush my teeth with Tom's of Main fluoride free toothpaste and wash my face and skin with baking soda, and I wash my hair with baking soda and found 1 organic conditioner that doesn't contain sulfates. I consume a cap of Bragg's vinegar a few times a week.  I also bought organic coconut oil for my skin and cooking, but I haven't implemented that. I got tired of the coconut smell quite quickly.  The result with these changes, because of the vinegar I don't have to take omeprazol for Gerd anymore. Because of washing my face and body with baking soda my skin is the clearest it has ever been. The Toms of Maine toothpaste works fine but I don't get the refreshing minty taste in my mouth when I brush. But with all of those changes starting between 2 and 4 months ago. I am still very fatigued perhaps even worse than before. Of course that makes me wonder if it has something to do with the changes I've made. But how could it when my skin is so much better? I've had many blood tests done by my doctor but all the results come back within normal limits.

After searching and searching fatigue, ears ringing, and a few other symptoms I've returned with the illness of "Adrenal Fatigue" on several occasions.  Then, last week I started reading this website.  I ended up buying a different book, not only because of the less expensive price but it seems like there are more recommendations for the following book on Amazon called "Adrenal Fatigue, The 21st Century Stress Syndrome"  by James L. Wilson, N.D. D.C. Ph. D here is a link to it   Adrenal Fatigue - on Amazon.

I've only just began reading it but so far other than a few symptoms that I don't have, everything else seems like they are talking about me. In Chapter 4 it talks about the type of jobs that are prone to Adrenal Fatigue. It starts with doctors who start ignoring their body's needs in college, and medical school. Next it talks about police who are continually changing shifts, and any job that continually changes shifts and never has a chance to properly acclimate. Then it talks about what he  refers to as "Sandwich stress jobs" and surprisingly enough lists "middle executive, secretaries, and teachers"  That's me.  Jobs where you see problems and can't control your circumstances, they never get the glory, and always get the blame. I never thought of it that way, but I guess it does give you a unique type of stress. I'm also reading all the other types of situations that lead to Adrenal Fatigue.

The good news, you may feel like your dying but you CAN get better. Yay!

 I think there is hope for me.

PuertoVallartaGirl in Portland

Friday, November 30, 2012

This Immigration Reform Article really cracks me up

see the quote from Gutierrez:

"The problem with the ACHIEVE Act is it does not achieve the dream," Senator Bob Menendez (D-New Jersey) said during a news conference on Wednesday morning. Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Illinois) said the proposal was "too little, too late." "We've asked for one simple thing – fairness," Gutierrez said, adding that the Republican Party "demonized immigrants." "All of a sudden we're the belle of the ball," Gutierrez said, referencing the power of Latino voters in the recent election. "Well, we're here to say it's time to start the dance."

Monday, November 26, 2012

Faith in Immigration Reform

I just know it is going to happen. If the Republicans don't let it get through this time they are stupid. -

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Flieberman Fiber Ep1

Flieberman Fiber was an experiment on how to film with multiple improv actors and multiple cameras. We filmed for a few hours one day and then I had the task of editing. That proved to be quite the challenge. It's fun and we may be doing an episode 2.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Near Death Experiences - I'm making a documentary

Yes Yes yes, I am making a documentary about people who have had a Near Death Experience.

It is called Surviving Death, A Documentary - My other blog is about the process.

Here is the facebook page:

I created the Art - but I am REALLY excited about the Real Artist that I have talked into working with me. I'm sort of joking - but not -because I feel so very fortunate know Ann Tseng.  She is one of my favorite people and an Amazing artist - here is her word press page -

And I also get to work with a great guy for my Director of Photography - Joe Kirkland, I'll post his reel soon.

I'm so excited. check it out.

I'll be launching a fundraising campaign again. Wish me luck.


Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Flouride Poisoning?

I don't know why I am so morbid -  but have you ever had that feeling like you are going to die soon or something?

I've had that feeling on and off for a few years.

And even more so for the past month.  I've had that feeling so much recently that I've been trying to teach my family how to survive without me. The reason is because I've been very fatigued, I mean severely fatigued. Some days are good, today was a good day. I've got a doctors appointment for Friday, meanwhile I'm researching Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

My dear friend is familiar with many holistic remedies, such as Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar, and Organic un processed coconut oil. So I've tried to change several pollutants and added both the vinegar and coconut oil to my regimin.

With research I came across several links between Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and fluoride.  his website was recommended to me by my friend and I have found it very helpful. I do have hypothyroidism, which means my body does not naturally secrete sufficient enough of the thyroid hormone. Interestingly enough I have to take more than double the amount my mother takes, which is weird to me because she is the one that had so many health issues when I was growing up.

Through the years I've seen the linkage and suspicions that fluoride is a cause of hypothyroidism but until recently I didn't know much about it.  (if you scroll halfway down in the above referenced article you see the info about the Chronic Fluoride Poisoning)

When I was a child I had several of those gel trays where they put your teeth in fluoride and you sit for a half hour or something. My parents had taken me to the dental schools when I needed dental work and that was one thing they always did for me.  Weird thing is my teeth are not that strong.  They are brittle. Plus I have always had a thyroid problem since I can remember. Diagnosed at the age of 20.   At the age of 39 I had more than half of my thyroid removed. What was weird is that my medication level did not change a single bit after the surgery. This means that the portion of my thyroid that was removed was completely useless.

So here I am with this vague knowledge of fluoride being an issue and since all the health issues that started way back in 2008 I've been severely fatigued for years now. The only thing that has gotten me through this is the use of a mild pain reliever stranger than Advil but not as strong as Vicodin and much less habit forming unless you are an addictive type of person. It is called Tramadol. This medicine helps me to make it past 3 pm. I just take one a day when I need it. Sometimes I don't take it.

Within the last few weeks it has gotten so bad that I was bed ridden for about 5 days last week. I even took the Tramadol and it didn't help me so I completely stopped taking it for those 5 days.  Part of me thinks the fatigued had a lot to do with Hurricane Sandy. NO I do not live on the East Coast and NO I do not have family there, but I knew it was going to be bad and it affected me terribly. On the flip side it could be that I was so emotionally affected by the hurricane due to my fatigue. Regardless I was laid out for 5 days. I didn't even have the strength to lift up my phone to look at it, so I just laid there.

Then I felt a little better and then worse again.  That is when I found all that research. I didn't even know fluoride was in my toothpaste until my daughters dentist told me. I for some reason thought it was only in specific fluoride items.  With research I've found it is in mouthwash, tea products, especially instant tea, raisins, all water sources, and I need to look it up again but I guess Teflon pans bring out fluoride or something.

Well anyway, I think I feel better today, for the most part.

If you have Chronic Fatigue syndrome, I suggest  checking out Fluoride poisoning.

**updated 11/15/12  I have cut out flouride(including my favorite drink - iced tea) for about a week now and I feel I would say 50% better. I haven't even had to take the tramadol for 2 days of the past 4 days. People have even remarked that I seem so happy.  I'll update again soon.

**updated 3/26/13 ever since I stopped drinking iced tea, and I started taking this vitamins from Dr. Wilson/Adrenal Fatigue - I have felt much better. I can make it through the day without taking tramodol. things are much better. I don't feel like I am dying anymore. But I have gained a little weight.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


My friend from school made this in a precursor to a film on the same subject and I like it. She is about 21 and I think she is very courageous. I was made fun of in school as well,  most people probably were at some point. We are all sensitive people. The truth is we are all in this together.  I think she did a wonderful job and I recommend this clip to anyone who has ever been bullied.

Friday, October 12, 2012

I am as always on a quest - it is my Senior Thesis Film

Since I started film school I have known that I need to do a senior thesis film in my senior year in order to graduate.  I haven't worried too much about it because I knew a brilliant idea will come.  I have had faith.  Right now I think my purpose is to do a documentary on the Near Death Experience. And I am stressing about it because the time has come to get started and I just want to be sure I'm choosing the right thing for me.

This post is about my journey in deciding what to do my film about.

Immigration Reform: 

  • I started film school October 5, 2009. At the time I was over my head in stress about Immigration Issues. For the first few years I thought that I would do a documentary about Immigration Reform.  It is a sorely  misunderstood topic especially when it comes to the understanding of what happens when you marry a US Citizen. Gradually though I started to see that the subject is so misunderstood that it brings out the worst in people.  I'm not sure I want to launch my career with such a controversial issue and have since backed away from something so deeply personal to me. 

Latino Youth Giving Up On Their Education:

  • Up until this summer a narrative story aka fiction script had not inspired me  to the depths of where I felt I HAD to tell it.  But this summer a few documentary ideas have surfaced.  The first one that came to me is the idea that the Latino youth in my family, that are here legally and citizens of the US, are giving up on their life and education before they get started. I suppose I am a hypocrite to worry about this because I gave up at the beginning of high-school as well. Maybe that is why it bothers me so. I did turn myself around, but my past is highly a-typical.  I know I made a mistake and I keep seeing these wonderful kids who just a few years ago wanted to be architects and rocket scientists, and are now dropping out of school or say they want to go to Job Corp. Part of me felt baffled because it seems like youth who are here illegally want to go to college, and want to work harder. So why are the US Citizens who have grown up almost exactly the same giving up?  And then I realized perhaps it is a generational thing and not a Latino youth issue.  It think it has more to do with the sense of American entitlement that we (Americans) all feel but unless you spend time abroad we are not aware of it. 
ADHD Medicines Mess kids up:

  • I was still thinking about doing the Latino Youth Documentary based from the frustration of 3 of my nieces and nephews and then this issue surfaced AGAIN. My Sister in Law is doing her best, she is trying to do all the right things for her kids but she is doing so blindly. I've encouraged her to get educated several times but what happened was she went to some child psychologists and Psychiatrists who she takes their word as gold.  I have been very proud of her to work harder at learning how to take care of herself and her family but somehow she got to these messed up Child Psychologists who have convinced her all her children have problems. And even to the point where she thinks that her children are so much more difficult than other children, and the doctors have made her think she needs to get disability for them.   That is the tendancy now days for every person to be categorized as something. I'm very SICK AND TIRED OF THIS. People have always been different, some people get fidgety when they are not interested in a subject. Some people really do have ADHD but it is much more rare than how these dangerous medicines have been prescribed.  They have even opened the ages to who how old you can be to take this medicine
  • Last year I met a mother at my children's bus stop who seemed very intelligent and articulate. Her and her husband were unemployed and I found it strange that they were unemployed for so long when my husband can ALWAYS find work, he has determination.   They evidently were both of Native American descent even though she looks Irish. I think they get welfare or Indian reservation money, I'm really not sure how they live, but they ended up months and months behind on their rent and I just didn't understand it. I'm sort of slow when figuring out if someone is a drug addict. I started planning that we were going to hang out and have drinks with the children playing and just have a nice time. So we invited them over one evening. We had a really fun time, we played PS3 Sing Star and laughed and told stories. They were both really fidgety.  They both told me they had been put on ADHD Meds or Ritalin at a young age and that was why there were so fidgety because they both had ADHD.  We had a great time and made plans to hang out again another time. At the bus stop she would always say how she stays up late cleaning. But through the months and lending my steam cleaner I saw how her house was a mess, like worse than normal messy. And I found out that she used to have a drug problem. Well hit me over the head with a club because I finally realized it wasn't that she WAS a drug addict the issue is that she still IS a drug addict. Her house is always filthy, she says she is always cleaning, her kids seem sullen and timid and weak etc and she is always up very very late, plus strange people come and go to her house. Even one time I think a guy that was at her house offered me drugs, but I don't know the slang terminology and I just stared at him like what?

  • Back to my sister in law. She had assured me several times that my nieces and nephews were taken off the ADHD Medicines but about a month and 1/2 ago I was confronted with the fact that my niece was still on it.  I was shocked.  My brain started making this connection that Ritilin which is the brand name for Methylphenidate can lead to Meth addiction? I had recently watched the National Geographic documentary on Meth entitled National Geographic: World's Most Dangerous Drug.  I've seen several documentaries on the meth epidemic, but this one was particularly interesting because of how it explains why it was invented and how it has come through  history.  It also explains what happens to the brain when you use meth.   I had seen this same phenomenon on how the brain is affected when people use Ecstasy and that people can damage their brains ability to create dopa-mine naturally.  But after watching the National Geographic Documentary I realized Meth has the same issue.  So one day a few weeks after watching the documentary I am sitting visiting my sister-in- law and hearing about how her children are having problems at school and it was only a few weeks into the year. And also that my niece is on ADHD meds again.   I tried to explain to her the connection I was noticing such as the couple that were meth addicts and had ADHD as a child.  I tried to explain to her that Methylphenidate is a relative of Methamphetamine.   My Brother in law and Sister in law sat there straight faced and looked at me like my opinion didn't matter. As if it was  ONLY my opinion and not a commonly known issue that ADHD meds are bad for children. They told me how they asked the doctors about my concerns and were told not to worry about it and that I was wrong. Now they did not do any of their own research. They just listen to what ever the doctors say and figure I am full of crap. Stressed and worried I immediately sat on their couch on my smart phone, while everyone else sat chatting at the table and researched documents and studies from reputable colleges about the subject. What I found was very upsetting. There is indeed evidence that Methlphenidate pre-disposes the brain to being more receptive to cocaine and illegal drugs. If you search Ritilin and drug abuse you will find many articles and studies - here is one that  illustrates it clear and concise. -  
  • My best friend and I have been discussing this issue and we are convinced that many of the ADHD symptoms are reactions to our modern diet. We think that through changing the diet and special attention to the children you can alleviate the symptoms of ADHD.  Some children may act disruptive because of celiacs disease, others act out of control with consuming corn syrup which is in a huge percentage of packaged foods, and then there are preservatives and genetically modified foods that our bodies do not know what to do with. 
  • The issue is huge but I wanted to educate about how ADHD medicines can lead to drug abuse. However, I realized in a long drive back from a film shoot, when I was having a deep philosophical discussion about spiritual beliefs that I wanted to make this documentary from a place of anger and frustration within myself. That is when I realized I cannot do it.
Near Death Experiences:
  • One subject I have ALWAYS wanted to get involved with is a spiritual one, whether it be mixed media, writing, or  film. However I have not felt the urgency to do so because I am completely at peace with my spiritual beliefs. There is even a series on my blog here that details my journey and where I began and where I am up to about a year ago.  Here is the first in the series. anyway on that long drive to the film shoot I had the opportunity to talk about deep spiritual beliefs and found out that who I was driving with had actually had a near death experience. That was 2 people I had recently met.  Days after that I kept running across books, movies, and conversations about this subject and started deciding maybe I should do it.  Then 2 days ago I was wavering, I was making adjustments to what I wanted to do based on course requirements and an arrogant professor and started changing my mind.  Yesterday morning I felt like I was being hit on the head with signs that I should indeed do this documentary.  So stay tuned.  
I am doing a documentary about the Near Death Experience. It is entitled (as of now) "What happens when you die?"

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The true love story - the way kids interact PARODY OF RIHANNA & EMENEM... MOMS GOTTA SEE THIS

Just going to ride past you on my bike
That’s all right because I’m not sure who I like
Why did you give me an indian burn
I told the principal because it really hurt
Your such a stupid jerk
I cant tell her that I like her
I can only shoot her with a spit ball
She should know that it means the same thing after all
I threw glue at her just to get a reaction
She was a distraction from addition and fractions
Drew a picture of her because I thought she was neat
We’ve always been close because we have assigned seats
I’ll never forget when I passed her that note
Cause she check the box yes and that’s all that she wrote
From then it was great and we had a play date
We played house and she made me a fake play-doh steak
The next day I saw something that I’ll never forget
She was playin and layin with kyle in the ball pit
I started to cry and laid down on the floor,
I said you’re a fart face, I don’t like you no more.
I want you out of my heart but your stuck like splinter
Goodbye my moms calling me for dinner.
You said mean things and you ran away
That’s ok, it must have been a blessed day
You stole my heart and you stole my bike
But that’s alright because I love the way you like.
I love the way you like.
Now I apologize for wiping boogers on your jacket and back pack
I wish that I didn’t I wish that I could back track
To the day before they made me sit in the corner
This feels like a third grade restraining order
I knew that I Loved you at first but I fought it
My heart was a kick ball then you suddenly caught it.
I’m Sorry but there’s something I must confess
It was me who ripped off your Nintendo ds.
I feel bad and returned it while you were busy napping
Were together again its just like it never happened
I dressed up as weasly and you were Hermione
You said you had spells that could make me less whiney
You colored inside of the lines of my heart
Cause you opened me up and then you cut a fart in my heart
I’m so bored with the games that were playing
I guess that’s why they call it board games.
Well, I am rubber and you are glue
Words bounce off of me and then stick on to you
Did you just call me a doo doo pie
That’s all right I know you are but what am i?
I know you are but what am I

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Repost - Causa Oregon "Orphaned by Deportation"

On August 29th, Causa held a gathering in Portland of American children left orphaned by deportation. Watch our latest video as children tell their story of being left orphaned by our nation's broken immigration system.

For more information:

Monday, September 10, 2012

am I turning into an office supply hoarder?

Ok... so I just realized I'm acting like a hoarder with office supplies. Every time I go to Officemax and they have something for a quarter or nickle.. I buy it even if I don't need it. It all started a few years ago with buying spiral notebooks off season, Safeway had them for 20 for a dollar. So I did that for like 2 years, but then Target sold them for 10 for a dollar so I bought some more. Then this year - Fredmeyer had spiral notebooks for 10 for a dollar, and I bought 20 even though I didn't need them. Now I think I'm out of control :) I just went to Officemax -(I sort of prowl by there randomly because each week they have stuff for like 1 cent or 5 cents.) and I buy what ever it is even if I don't need it. AND today I needed a fine tip pen for my script supervising class, and I go in there, and I buy 3 rulers for .05 each, plus 3 glues for .25 each plus 4 pencil sharpeners for 4 for .50, and the highlighters( I DID need the highlighters) , 4 more pens for a dollar, just because they were cheap, and guess what Officemax had a deal to give me 5 free spiral notebooks..... thats when I realized it...I might have a problem here .....

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Thesis statement for a Philosphy class. My role as a designer.

My Role as a Designer

September 11, 2012

Certain aspects of this Philosophy class entitled “Senior Seminar” have been extremely challenging for me.  In writing this final paper I’ve spent over 40 hours of researching and trying to find scholarly articles or scientific proof to a theory that I have been developing for 33 years.  To say that life experiences, years of reading a variety of books and magazine on every subject, watching documentaries, and  the millions of tiny lessons we learn throughout our experiences offer no validity to my philosophy of   “My role as a Designer,”  is an assault to my senses.  Though I do not have my official BA from the Art Institute of Portland yet, I know that my knowledge base from 20 years business experience and 20 years parenting experience are on par with many degrees.
Another issue I have is overcoming my skepticism towards the idea of someone being an expert and taking the articles given at face value?  Since my opinions already have deep existential roots taken from basic concepts about Metaphysical Nihilism, The Law of Attraction, Quantum Physics, how on a subatomic level everything is made of energy -including thought, as well as how energy never dissipates it only changes form. These beliefs and a natural instinct I’ve had since childhood automatically motivate me to question every authority that I come across.
These tendencies have caused me to be stuck in a feeling of pointlessness towards the assignments not unlike certain forms of nihilism because I feel the theories are based in a world of basic given beliefs disqualified by my own core belief system. Regardless, I’ve taken some time to read about some of the great Philosopher’s in “The Philosophers, Introducing Great Western Thinkers”, Edited by Ted Honderich” ,  and found a common thread of skepticm with at least 3 great philosophers. For example Socrates “I do not know anything”(12).  Plato’s tendency to develop a theory and then disqualify it “The second part of the Parmenides is a riddle. It draws bewildering array of contradictory conclusions”…”then just ends without further comment”…”Although the late dialogues begin with two enigmatic and self-critical pieces in which Plato’s own position is once more unclear” (19-20).  Even Aristotle’s theories “also exhibit considerable reflection on the nature of philosophical activity and the goals of philosophy itself”(24).  Reading about the skepticism of the greats validates my skepticism and empowers me to develop my own theories without solely relying on other so called “qualified” sources.
Now that I have laid my philosophical stance out in the open I hope to make sense of my argument which has been a common thread throughout all of my papers this term and that is that I believe everything is subjective. Each of us is the center of our own universe, guided by our own life experiences, and prejudices whether we are aware of them or not. Hence no one is an expert or another way to look at it is everyone is an expert on only one thing, their own life.   I realize this preface is not a requirement of this assignment but I felt compelled to provide it.

What inspires and motivates people to do something positive for themselves or their community? In this paper I will discuss how as a Filmmaker I intend to make films that inspire and connect with people in a deeper way and how I might go about doing so.  I believe that inspiration causes people to act in a way that betters themselves and their lives and therefore betters the world.  In order to inspire people you must connect to them.  The question is what element(s) in a film connects to the audience?  After I identify what connects and inspire the audience I plan to implement these features into my films to initiate positive thoughts and feelings that prompt action.
Are movies that inspire a genre or a story line? At the movies many people enjoy blockbuster and horror movies as a source of entertainment. These genres may offer a break from our everyday worries but are they beneficial or truly just a distraction from everyday life that holds no lasting positive impression? It would be a rare instance if a person walked away from a blockbuster or horror movie motivated to make changes, help someone, or their community. Though those 2 genres may have less chance of motivating the audience I hypothesize that inspiration is not related to genre but more closely to story line. Each of us in this world has one thing in common, and that is the relation we have to our daily life.  When asked hello by a friend or acquaintance the thing that is always on our minds is what is going on during that day or week.  We all have a relationship to what happens in the day and an opinion about our experiences and social interactions.  
Author Andrew Sayer starts his book entitled “Why Things Matter to People” with some very interesting sociological points that seem as if they should be held as common sense, but are apparently not the current belief in sociology.   Sayer says we are “evaluative beings” who “don’t just think and interact”. We make decisions based on a deeper need ”we are also vulnerable and susceptible to various kinds of loss or harm“(1). Sayer’s main thesis of the book is that people make decisions and hold values based on their concerns for what is going on in their daily life “we are beings whose relation to the world is one of concern”(2).  As humans, social interactions affect people on many levels including values.  Sayer says that to get deeper into how people decide their values you must consider 2 common sociological viewpoints towards values;  Emotivism and Conventionalism. Emotivists believe that people form values based off of random moods. Conventionists believe that people’s values are based off what are commonly held values by peers or their community (33).  Both attitudes seem to give a negativity on how people form their values (34). Both theories try to imply that emotions are not important and imply irrationality to forming values.  However as Sayer points out our emotions do serve a very practical purpose, “emotions are not merely an irrelevant accompaniment to what we are doing, like muzak in a supermarket, but a kind of bodily commentary on how we, and our concerns are faring “ (39).  Sayer rejects the common opinions of Emotivism and Conventionalism and makes a point that if we do not delve further into the subject of how people form values we will not be able to understand what motivates people (24).  I hypothesize that regardless of genre if I can write stories that take you into the  reality of the moment when a character experiences concern about their family, health, job, and relationships; this is the first step towards action.   
In my research I’ve come across several inspiring websites that are about making films and screening films that change people’s lives. One of which is who screens films to refugees to educate or entertain for a few moments from their life of war. Another organization is  Media matters has a very simple saying “An image captures a feeling, A story shares a message, A movie becomes a movement.” (about page).  Though this website does give some insight into how to inspire people you really have to read between the lines.  I intend to make narrative films as well as documentaries and I think documentaries have a particular kind of audience that is akin to taking action, the larger challenge here is making a narrative film that inspires.
This has brought me to the Ted talk and author Simon Sinek of “Start with why” on his website and in his Ted talk he says “people don’t buy what you are doing they buy why you are doing it.” This brings up an interesting question for myself, why is it so important to me to inspire people to take action?  Simon states at minute 2:30 that there are 3 components to the differences between companies or people that inspire and the ones that do not. The 3 components are the what they make or want to do, next is how they want to do it, but most importantly he says the why they want to do it. That is the difference between inspiring and innovative people versus everyone else. Sinek goes on to explain what the why is “and by why I don’t mean to make a profit that is a result, it’s always a result. By why I mean  what’s your purpose? What’s your cause? What’s your belief? Why does your organization exist?” Simon gives this example with a diagram of a circle with why in the middle, how in the next ring, and what in the outside ring. He says that most companies or organizations approach everything in the order of what, how, and then why. But, inspiring leaders start with why, talk about how, and then say the what they are doing.  My research on this subject has been most difficult to find when not in relation to business. In the end I’ve finally come to the conclusion that making a movie is the same as business and Simon Sinek has given me a great lesson.
            The state of our society seems to be encroaching into a bleak outlook of hopelessness reflected through the common theme of zombies, vampires, and murder permeating the entertainment industry.  Diagnosis for depression and thousands of other personality or mental disorders is at an unprecedented level.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health 1 in 4 people have a mental disorder of some form (NIMH).  Pharmaceutical companies offer a magic pill to fix everything.  But I say the issue does not need a pill. What society and the human race needs is an influx of hope and faith.  
At the very young age of 8 years old I experienced an important lesson. I sat in the principal’s office waiting to hear my punishment for something I had done.  In that moment I had an epiphany, ‘time passes so don’t worry about getting in trouble, soon 3 weeks will have gone by and this will all be over.’ With that thought I relaxed.  This experience was the start of my life philosophy which is “What you believe in makes up your world.” Throughout my years I’ve learned and built onto my knowledge, cultivating positive thinking techniques. I believe what you spend your time thinking about and what you hold as your belief is what will be true for you.  This is a very important thing to acknowledge and in my opinion one of the most important issues of our existence. So as I always say, be careful what you believe in. This concept is the reason I want to inspire through film. I feel it is important to acknowledge the influence art has over people’s lives even without them realizing.  People watch film to entertain and If I can make films that relate to peoples everyday lives, families, relationships, and values, while weaving in an underlying message of hope and faith that everything will come out ok in the end. Perhaps I can in some way help to uplift a part of humanity.

Works Cited
"FilmAid Music Video - A Heavy Abacus." FilmAid Music Video - A Heavy Abacus. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Sept. 2012. . Communities in crisis need information and empowerment. FilmAid provides both, to millions of people suffering the effects of war, poverty, displacement and disaster. Films offer a way to reach many people at once, overcoming language and literacy boundaries, providing information where it is needed and inspiring hope where it is lacking. In post-crisis emergencies and protracted situations alike, FilmAid produces and distributes community-based films on critical public health and safety issues such as maternal health, HIV, cholera, gender-based violence, conflict resolution, and more. Using inflatable screens and other ‘Mobile Cinema’ units, FilmAid screenings provide psychological relief and healing to refugees and other communities ravaged by trauma and lacking traditional media and information sources. Through FilmAid’s training program, young people develop production skills and self-empowerment that will outlast displacement and gain a platform to tell their own stories, in their own voices. FilmAid was founded during the Balkan crisis in 1999 by award-winning producer Caroline Baron (Capote, Monsoon Wedding) after she learned the most prevalent problem for the hundreds of thousands of Kosovar refugees was trauma and unrelenting hopelessness. Since then, FilmAid has worked in partnership with the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) and other global aid organizations to bring psychological relief, critical information, and training to more than two million people worldwide. FilmAid currently works in Kenya, in the large refugee camps of Dadaab and Kakuma as well as informal settlements in Nairobi and Mombassa; with Burmese refugees in Thailand; and in Haiti. FilmAid is a global federation of nonprofit, charitable organizations with a shared mission to use the power of film and media to transcend language and literacy, bringing life-saving information, psychological relief and much-needed hope to refugees and other communities in need around the globe. Members include FilmAid International (the founding organization), FilmAid Asia, FilmAid Kenya, and FilmAid U.K. FilmAid International, Inc., established in 1999, is a nonprofit, tax-exempt corporation under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code.
"Media That Matters Film Festival: Short Films That Inspire Action." Media That Matters Film Festival: Short Films That Inspire Action. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Sept. 2012. . The Media That Matters Film Festival is the premiere showcase for short films on the most important topics of the day. Local and global, online and in communities around the world, Media That Matters engages diverse audiences and inspires them to take action.
"The Numbers Count: Mental Disorders in America." NIMH ·. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Sept. 2012. . The mission of NIMH is to transform the understanding and treatment of mental illnesses through basic and clinical research, paving the way for prevention, recovery, and cure. For the Institute to continue fulfilling this vital public health mission, it must foster innovative thinking and ensure that a full array of novel scientific perspectives are used to further discovery in the evolving science of brain, behavior, and experience. In this way, breakthroughs in science can become breakthroughs for all people with mental illnesses.
Sayer, R. Andrew. Why Things Matter to People: Social Science, Values and Ethical Life. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge UP, 2011. Print. Andrew Sayer undertakes a fundamental critique of social science's difficulties in acknowledging that people's relation to the world is one of concern. As sentient beings, capable of flourishing and suffering, and particularly vulnerable to how others treat us, our view of the world is substantially evaluative. Yet modernist ways of thinking encourage the common but extraordinary belief that values are beyond reason, and merely subjective or matters of convention, with little or nothing to do with the kind of beings people are, the quality of their social relations, their material circumstances, or well being. The author shows how social theory and philosophy need to change to reflect the complexity of everyday ethical concerns and the importance people attach to dignity. He argues for a robustly critical social science that explains and evaluates social life from the standpoint of human flourishing. ANDREW SAYER is a Professor of Social Theory and Political Economy in the Department of Sociology at Lancaster University. His most recent publications include The Moral Significance of Class (2005) and Realism and Social Science (2000)
Sinek, Simon. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. New York: Portfolio, 2009. Print. With a little discipline, anyone can learn to inspire. Start With Why offers an unconventional perspective that explains WHY some people and organizations are more innovative, more profitable, command greater loyalties from customers and employees alike and, most importantly, are able to repeat their success over and over. These are not the one hit wonders. These are the ones who change the course of industries or even society. Because it's all based on how people think and act, this unique view of the world has application in big business and small business, in politics and non-profit. Though some people have a natural ability to start with WHY, this book offers compelling evidence that, with a little discipline, anyone can learn to do it.
Taylor, C.C.W., David Bostock, and David Charles. The Philosophers: Introducing Great Western Thinkers. Ed. Ted Honderich. Oxford: Oxford UP, 1999. Print. The Philosophers introduces some of the most brilliant minds in history and shows the enduring fascination of their ideas, which shaped our civilization. An illustrious team of authors offer concise and illumination tours through the lives and thoughts of the twenty-eight greatest Western philosophers from Socrates to Sartre
"TEDxPugetSound - Simon Sinek - 9/17/09." YouTube. YouTube, 28 Sept. 2009. Web. 08 Sept. 2012. . Simon Sinek - Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action a discussion about his book of the same name.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Speaking Up, Making Changes, and Losing a Friend- why I left working on a TV Show

Portland, Oregon - August 16, 2012  

It is hot and it is late with things running through my head.  I was lying in bed and having that feeling again like I want to write. There are so many things I want to write about but I keep feeling like I should go back to one particular one.

I had made a friend. A very beautiful, funny, and intelligent friend of 26.  She was fun to talk to during our daily walks and it was nice to hear about the group and what was really going on in our department, which I was not privy to for some reason.

Almost every day at 4pm on my 10 hour shift with no breaks – we would take a quick walk up to the park and back. We always started out fast and got slower the closer we got to the office.  We talked about men and the games they play.  My favorite subject… sex.  We talked about relationships.  I talked about my past experiences and future hopes and she talked about hers.

And then we would go back into the office, and not talk much about it until the next day. Except for an occasional i/m about =hottie at 2 o’clock.

Then they made her one of my supervisors and everything got all fucked up. I gradually learned that she was actually a company girl.

One friend who had went on a walk with us a few times, later ended up getting fired. I still to this day am a little scared that our girl talk (and her reporting back) contributed to it somehow.

Then… I started having some issues with a bully. Yes can you believe that, a bully in my work, and I confided in her. Then later it was really getting out of control and I asked her for advice. But she told me “I’ll  take care of it.”

I was working in the Payroll Department when I wanted to do something creative. But the opportunity to work for a network seemed good. I had been working for 8  months and then one day I said to my friend who just became my boss, “ I just want a suggestion of what to do?” Because a guy in the office was bullying me. Rather than give me a suggestion, said she would take care of it.

The next day the entire office knew all about it. It was pretty embarrassing because no one believed it was true.  Victim blaming for sure. I was not very happy about her taking things into her own hands. But that wasn;t the only issue that was going on.  I had essentially been demoted and then asked to do 2 jobs. I tried in every way I could think of to communicate to her, and each of the other people who were giving me work, that I was overloaded, but her answer was always “it only takes 5 minutes” and “prioritize”. What infuriated me was she spoke to me as if I was new to office work.  I gradually started hating my job.  The day after she took things into her own hands we had an issue where we had yet another of a dozen discussions on how every aspect of my job only took 5 minutes and I was frustrated and told her so. 

It was a tense moment and the day was over, but I was so stirred up I decided to write her an email explaining how I felt like she was treating me as if I was not a hard worker. 

She never answered my email – I copied another person I trusted asking for advice but what happened was very strange.  They ignored me.   They did not discuss my email with me. And she stopped talking to me at all. The next day I think I heard her curse a few times, angry at me. Perhaps she thought she had done me a favor with the bully?  And that was how I thanked her?

So a few weeks of that treatment and I hated my job and decided to give my 2 weeks notice.  I never really wanted to be in accounting anyway.  I liked the payroll work but never in my life have I had an aspiration to be an a/p clerk.  And there I was with 20 years office experience being an a/p clerk.  I prayed and the day before I gave my 2 weeks’ notice I got an email from my friend, former boss, that said simply 

“I thought you were making movies”. 

Yeah, I thought I was making movies too. And I realized why was I letting fear hold me in a job I didn’t want.  

I really enjoyed meeting all the crew and getting to know all the departments and learning more about the industry  but, I was once again in a corporate office job. Which only relationship to my college degree, was the type of business it is,  and not the actual work I was doing. 

On the day before my last, I waited until her other office mates had left and I went in and asked her… “So now that you won’t be my boss anymore can we be friends again?”

She looked up at me with mixed emotions, I could tell, and she said “I never said we weren’t friends”. 

I said, “but you stopped talking to me after I sent that email to you”.

She said” Well. The email got escalated.”

Wtf?  (she escalated it..I loved her verbiage “It” got escalated)

At that point, I walked out and I said one last thing” I can see your answer is no”

She said, “I didn’t say that” as I walked out.

The next day ended up being my last day. Most everyone was kind to me, in a way.  But in corporations or large offices there is always a weird undertone when you are leaving a job.

I gave some hugs and said goodbyes. I felt strong and fine, and the weirdest thing, I went in to say goodbye to her and I started crying. 

I supposed it is because I rarely offer myself to people that deeply. I am one of those people that have very close friends but very few friends. The rest I just don’t have time being ridiculously busy balancing all my responsibilities.  But I stood outside her office door, where I felt like she and the 2 guys in there could not stand me anymore and I actually had to step away for a second and get myself together. I had a doctor appointment to go to and was leaving early. I finally cleared my tears and poked my head in to say good bye.

And she didn’t even look up. 

She said “bye”.

How easily friendship is thrown away. And that was 20 days ago and I am still sad about it. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Inspired by Karise Eden - thinking about my path

What if everything we chase doesn't matter and all we are meant to do is to be kind to one another?

I've had a few bad weeks at work. Just not feeling quite right about things.  Is it me projecting?  Who knows.  Today I saw this video and it really inspired me:

Her voice reminds me of Janice Joplin.  I'm no expert on music but sometimes a movie, a voice, or a piece of art moves you to act yourself. That is what I want to do with my art, inspire.

Career is a very complicated issue. You have to be very careful the decisions you make. You don't want to get pigeon holed into something, but at the same time you need an avenue to help you get to your direction. It is so easy to get side-tracked. I keep doing that in my life.

When I was 20 I went to college to compose music. I got pregnant first term in and had to quit, for a variety of reasons.

Later I stuck with my secretarial career working my way up and up but finally had the courage to step away from the corporate grind when my 2nd husband offered me the option of staying home with my children. I took it. And a few years later we even went a step farther to step away from our 5 bedroom home and pretty cushy American Lifestyle to move international to Mexico. I wouldn't trade any of these experiences they give me a wealth of knowledge.

I'm glad we had the courage to not live the life of someone who feels stuck.

I am now 41, a senior in Art College, an entry level employee at a major television network... and I know... if I focus and believe I can achieve what I aim for. 

The hardest part is making a trade off.  Being career driven can make you lose site of what is important. 

One thing I have always noticed in all the years I've worked outside the home which is about 21, 18 in Administrative work of one kind or another. Is that it takes about 2 months to see the true colors of who you are working with directly.  When I came to my current job my boss was exceptional and amazingly enough even after 2 months he was still exceptional. But now my job has shifted again, funny but about 2 months ago. I now report to multiple people rather than just my one awesome boss. And things are not going as well. And it is making me really see exactly what I want to do. 

I want to create art that inspires.  I've never not wanted to do that. But I always come back to the same thing every time I start heading down a road.  

I'm learning the ropes, bit by bit.  I know about business. I know about project management.  Customer Relations.  I'm learning all sorts of industry jargon.  I'm learning who to trust and who not to trust.  And I'm also learning that at the end of the day all the really matters is your family and who you are with.   

That is what working a career will do, it will take you out of the real world of your family and truly valuing people and make you in the artificial world that work creates. But here is the thing, they go hand in hand.  We must learn to be kind and have integrity to the people at work.  You really start to see who does not do that. They say people are like oranges and you can see what they are made of when you squeeze them. 

When life holds you down do you stay kind?

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Been having fun at my job

I am so fortunate and I seem to have the gift of timing. I'm working at a TV show of a major network since January. I'm very happy because the people I work with are wonderful and I get to meet literally hundreds of industry people. I've been offered and accepted to come back for season two. One thing people may consider a downfall is that I work in the accounting department. But for me I feel like its the perfect place to get started in the business. My supervisor is smart, knowledgeable, kind, and wishes success for each of us. My big boss is an extremely hard worker who empowers each of us to work hard and excel.

I've also gained some new female friends. I just wanted to check in and let you know that miracles are still happening.

  • The course in miracles works. 
  • We are even going in Wednesday, for a first meeting in a home buying program.
  • We have planned some getaways for the summer.
  • We can finally afford to buy stuff when we go to the mall.
  • I'm even still in college. 
But this might be the last term till the show wraps. Things are God.
I'm mean good.

Signing off from my Droid, Puerto Vallarta girl in Portland.

Friday, April 6, 2012

What would you do if you got an email from the other side?

My father used to always keep a little white handkerchief in his pocket. I remembered this yesterday when I saw a guy with a bandanna tucked into his back pocket in a perfect triangle. I thought about why someone does that and it occurred to me my father always kept a handkerchief in his pocket. Then I flashed back to the years when I would do the family's laundry and I would carefully fold his hankerchiefs, about 10-15 in quarters and stack in a neat stack for him.

It's funny the things you remember about people and how they pop into your mind.

Nearly 2 weeks ago on a Tuesday I was driving into work and in a surreal sequence of moments I had a distinct feeling of my Dad's presence. It started when I saw a truck that said Summit Construction. And that reminded me of the lake my Dad used to take my Brother and I to named Summit Lake. We actually even distributed my fathers ashes there after he was cremated back in 1999.  The 2nd part was Construction and my dads main career/business he did was construction. Together I thought it was a beautiful name, ordinary to anyone else, but beautiful to me.

And in that moment I looked up to a billboard and saw the words god and coming home, and I drove under a bridge and I had a feeling my dad was trying to tell me something. It all took place in about 1 minutes time. After I got off the Interstate and onto the bridge the feeling subsided.

I got to work, went into the office, said my hellos, and sat down at my computer.

A moment later when I opened my email I checked to see what emails came in and then for some strange reason I clicked on my spam folder. In that folder I saw to my surprise... an email from my father.

When I clicked on it I was stunned at what I saw. It said that my father had just added a mobile upload of a photo of my 2 smallest children.

 Time stood still.... What?

I didn't know how to react. I felt like crying or laughing...?

My dad was trying to reach me. I mean how much clearer does it have to be?

I've spent several days trying to figure out a logical answer? My oldest son is very techy and said there is no logical answer, just accept it for what it is Mom.

The technical details are here: A few years ago I created a Facebook page for my father, but I lost the password. The last time I had logged in was October 2010.

On the Sunday after a St. Patricks day after a  party night, I laid in bed and uploaded all the photos I had in my phone that I had been saving to facebook. One of which was a photo of June and Jimi with a guy dressed in a santa suit sitting on a ATV.

Now it seems like maybe I tagged him. B ut if that was so, why did it show the email was sent at 1:46am Tuesday morning, AND why on my page were no tags to the photo, and why didn't the email say he was tagged in a photo rather than he uploaded a photo. Also I have every single notification turned off for Facebook. I don't get emails when people do stuff on Facebook. Why did it send me an email for this one item?

I believe this was truly an email from beyond, as far as I can tell.

All I can say is, I love you Dad.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Immaculate - Under their radar

Hey folks I think I posted last fall when I worked on a farmers market commercial and a music video in the same day -

Here is the music video - I had a wonderful experience it was very fun. I love working with Sam Lingle.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Some kind of waiver reform is in the works for real this time 01/07/us/path-to-green-card- for-illegal-immigrant-family- members-of-americans.html

Though it seems again like a carrot to the voters of this years election it appears that Obama will put into effect something that will help some US Citizens.

I recommend not reading the comments section.
But do check this out. IT TAKES A MINUTE TO LOAD BUT IT DOES LOAD. It's very funny so please watch. (may not be available outside US)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

treating immigrants as people

This is good but saddening to me because - I think it sucks that this even has to be said. But here is an article that Immigration Impact posted from the Washington Post discussing the 2012 lifestyle section of what is in and out ... on it is treating immigrants as people.

Immigration Impact article :

Actual Washington Post article -