Monday, December 19, 2011

Marriage games

If you read my notes the other day about half the stuff swirling around my head you know I made an irresponsible remark about asking my husband for an open marriage. Well I've worked through those emotions. And on Saturday I threw it out to him randomly and shocked him. That experience made me realize what I was going for with the whole concept. It is not that I want an open relationship, its that I want my husband to actually listen to me when I say we are on shaky ground. the September phone call thing put a crack in our foundation. I love my husband and we met almost 13 years ago, December 31, 1998. I've been talking to him about what I need in this relationship and he has been sort of shaking his head yes and ignoring me. But when I threw out that remark to him on Saturday, very casually, it freaked him out. It made him realize that even though everything feels great and perfect for him, I was not ok.

Why does it take such extremes to get someone to listen to you? Seeing him freaked out and watching him realize that I have been serious was very gratifying for me. I wanted him to realize that we NEED TO INVEST in our relationship.

He has seriously undervalued our strengths as a couple. #1 I like sex and want sex that is not all about him and he just needs to get a grip on that because that is tearing us apart. #2 We are really great together going out and having fun. When we lived in PV we were such a fun pair. Before we moved to Mexico everyone wanted to party with us to "say goodbye" it is really strange how people will not go out with you until you are about to move 3000 miles away, then they want to spend time with you. Regardless of that rant, hubby and I have fun the same way. We are silly and relaxed. But what has been happening since we've moved back to the US is we NEVER go out and have fun together. And that has seriously taken its toll. How on earth am I supposed to be "In Love" with him if he is not giving me any of the things that make me fall "In Love" with him. I fell in love with him because of the way he danced and the way he blew my hair back with random words of wisdom. For a long time he doesn't do either. The power that man holds by just taking 5 minutes and dancing in the kitchen with me is like a miracle from heaven, that he is not taking advantage of. A random bite on the neck wouldn't hurt either. 13 years is a difficult number but I hope now with my verbal assault of concepts, he will step up and do the things that make me have that "In Love" feeling.

signing out
PV girl in Portland