Friday, December 30, 2011

technology overload... the american way?

3 years ago I was going to the internet cafe in Puerto Vallarta just to check my email. And now, I am in Technology Overload. We now have a laptop computer, desktop computer, with broadband internet and wireless internet. We now as of Xmas have a PS3, and 2 smart phones, 3 external hard drives( 1 tb, 1 500gig, 1 640 gig,) and 3 internal hard drives,( 1 tb, 2 500 gig, )

AND NO DISHWASHER! Oh my god, I'm moving. This just doesn't make any sense.

I think I'm getting a headache from all this technology.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Stardom? where does it come from .....and... I love Queen Latifa

I was sitting and reading an article in Essence about Queen Latifa. I am not black but I had lots of air miles to use up and magazines were free, and I like to read a variety of stuff. Essence does a little bit of ... "we are different from other women" meaning black women face different issues. I think it is true, after about a year of reading the magazine I think its true. Black women have to fight even harder than white women for the same things. They want to support their men and their men have gotten this track record, very generally speaking here, of not staying with their women. Also black women have had to become tough. I am not certain that a chip on the shoulder is necessary, but again - generally speaking here, I can see how it has come about, its been a rough ride. I mean I've had a hard life too. I was brought up in poverty. I hope to never become that kind of tough that is cold and scary though, that happens to some women whose life has been too hard.

Honestly, I have to say, most of the time I have not wanted for much. Not to say I was not poor, I was very poor, but over all god has always come through. There were a few times in my childhood, teenage years, and when I lived in Mexico I had wants and needs that were not met - like I could not afford soap or food, or utilities. I have become a strong woman also.

I sat and I read about Queen Latifa. She is about 2 years older than me and she still has her parents. Such a lucky women. I've been an orphan since 1999 - technically speaking, since my father died and my mother has been severely mentally ill . I really don't have any family support. Her mother was an Art Teacher and her Father a Police man (a good one). She is really a great example of someone with a solid upbringing, but also with that element of risk that I believe is necessary to open your mind. There has to be some adventure in your life, I believe people should not be too safe, or let fears control them.

According to this article which I recommend. queen latifa that apparently you cannot read without a subscription, her brother was just that element that helped her have the right balance. And her slightly older brother was smart and adventurous. She had a perfect balance of personalities that left her able to absorb necessary components to be very well rounded. I read this well written article about her wondering why I am in the situation I am in. (moment of poor me - as an ophan - god has a plan) and I thought of this issue - I mean there is this quote (and I'm certain I'll mess it up a little) but a star is someone who rises or fights their way to the top. A leader is someone who helps the people around them rise to the top with them.

When I was 17 I had these creative energies and hardhsips brewing in my soul that I wanted to express, I had a burning desire to prove to the people that used to make fun of me that I AM special. One boyfriend told me it was a just a dream and I'd never be anything.

And then... then I got older and I had a few more issues and I systematically worked through all my burning issues and fears and lost that feeling that I wanted to rise to the top. I was content to accept my mission that on any given day as an Executive Assistant, wife, and Mother my personal challenge and mission was to uplift the people around me. Not career-wise or business-wise but on an interpersonal level of empathy and compassion that I saw a friend of mine do, by the name of Rebekah. Now rebekah had this way of intelligently and very aware exude kindness to people of any type. She had an issue with me once because I had a desire to shake things up. I had a desire in about 1997 to be in the face of people who held onto the idea of social restrictions too tightly, and I wanted to splat out obnoxious ideas to them to shake them up. And she thought that this concept was on the side of rude and less kind then was necessary to be a good person. I am not certain where I stand right now on this issue but part of me still wants to be a rock and roll Joan Jett crazy drinking party girl, who breaks boundaries, by proving that a woman can be a good person, live assertively, be a good friend, be honest, be promiscuous, be spiritual, be intelligent and a good business woman all at the same time.

That is what I am fighting for, I suppose I am a feminist of some kind. I still want to break boundaries. My favorite conversation topic is sex. but you know what? I have faith stronger than steel. I have compassion for every person. And My children love me, and my husband loves me, and I love myself. I'm always working on that but I do.

I just want to say that Queen Latifa ROCKS, and she may have had a foundation we do not all receive, but we can all be like her. We must be brave, and we may be fighting adversity. We can all be strong, and we can all be honest, and we can all be kind. Even if everyday you work at a 7/11 or just take care of your children. Our energies are like a pebble that is dropped into a pond, the ripples get bigger as they go out farther. You may just say one nice thing you were thinking but that energy affects a person who then carries it on to the next person, in a pay it forward fashion.

Merry Xmas - we all have something to give even if it doesn't feel like we are making a difference, we are. Whether you are Queen Latifa or a stay at home mom, or a factory worker, or a college student. We do make a difference...EVERY DAY.

Outtie
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Joe Arpaio gets his immigration power revoked - it is also found his office failed to investigate 400 or more sex crimes involving latino victims. sick man

Immigration agents to screen Arizona jail inmates
The Homeland Security Department says it will replace Maricopa County officers after revoking Sheriff Joe Arpaio's authority to access agency systems.
The Associated Press, December 20, 2011
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-arizona-sheriff-20111220,0,7573562.story

The Homeland Security Department will use 50 immigration agents to screen jail inmates in Arizona's most populous county after revoking the sheriff's authority to access its systems, the agency said Monday in a letter to Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.).

The letter from Homeland Security Assistant Secretary Nelson Peacock, obtained by the Associated Press, says the 50 dedicated agents will 'screen, identify, apprehend and remove criminal aliens' found in Maricopa County jails.

The agents will replace county officers who had special training and the authority to perform the task in Sheriff Joe Arpaio's lockups. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano revoked that authority last week after a Justice Department investigation concluded that Arpaio's office engaged in a pattern and practice of civil rights and constitutional violations and discriminated against Latinos.

Arpaio strongly disputed the Justice Department findings and said Monday that the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents won't come close to replacing the 91 officers who had been doing the work. He said agents won't be in the jails and won't deport all illegal immigrants.

'They're going to have people answering telephones and deciding what levels they're going to deport,' Arpaio said. 'This is just to pacify the public that they aren't going to be released. And they are going to be released.'

That's not the case, according to an ICE statement sent in response to Arpaio's comment that agents would not actually be in the jails.

'As was done previously, all individuals booked into the Maricopa County jail will be screened to determine if they are removable from the United States,' the agency said. Those arrested for criminal offenses who are in the country illegally will be 'removed from the United States in line with our priorities.'

The government's report released last week found that Arpaio's office committed a wide range of civil rights violations against Latinos, including jail policies that deprive prisoners of basic constitutional rights. It also found that his office failed to investigate sex crimes involving Latino victims.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Laughter Yoga..

I just did a drop in Yoga class and the instructor did laughter yoga... it seriously tripped me out.

Marriage games

If you read my notes the other day about half the stuff swirling around my head you know I made an irresponsible remark about asking my husband for an open marriage. Well I've worked through those emotions. And on Saturday I threw it out to him randomly and shocked him. That experience made me realize what I was going for with the whole concept. It is not that I want an open relationship, its that I want my husband to actually listen to me when I say we are on shaky ground. the September phone call thing put a crack in our foundation. I love my husband and we met almost 13 years ago, December 31, 1998. I've been talking to him about what I need in this relationship and he has been sort of shaking his head yes and ignoring me. But when I threw out that remark to him on Saturday, very casually, it freaked him out. It made him realize that even though everything feels great and perfect for him, I was not ok.

Why does it take such extremes to get someone to listen to you? Seeing him freaked out and watching him realize that I have been serious was very gratifying for me. I wanted him to realize that we NEED TO INVEST in our relationship.

He has seriously undervalued our strengths as a couple. #1 I like sex and want sex that is not all about him and he just needs to get a grip on that because that is tearing us apart. #2 We are really great together going out and having fun. When we lived in PV we were such a fun pair. Before we moved to Mexico everyone wanted to party with us to "say goodbye" it is really strange how people will not go out with you until you are about to move 3000 miles away, then they want to spend time with you. Regardless of that rant, hubby and I have fun the same way. We are silly and relaxed. But what has been happening since we've moved back to the US is we NEVER go out and have fun together. And that has seriously taken its toll. How on earth am I supposed to be "In Love" with him if he is not giving me any of the things that make me fall "In Love" with him. I fell in love with him because of the way he danced and the way he blew my hair back with random words of wisdom. For a long time he doesn't do either. The power that man holds by just taking 5 minutes and dancing in the kitchen with me is like a miracle from heaven, that he is not taking advantage of. A random bite on the neck wouldn't hurt either. 13 years is a difficult number but I hope now with my verbal assault of concepts, he will step up and do the things that make me have that "In Love" feeling.

signing out
PV girl in Portland

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Joe Arpaio Investigation finally reveals what a douchebag he is. We all knew it anyway though right?

From an email received from The American Immigration Council


For Immediate Release
DOJ Report Slams Sherriff Joe Arpaio and DHS Restricts 287(g) and Secure Communities Programs
December 15, 2011

Washington D.C. - After a three-year investigation into the abusive practices of Sherriff Joe Arpaio’s Maricopa County Sherriff’s Office (MCSO), the Department of Justice (DOJ) announced today that it had found a pattern and practice of civil rights abuses, including extreme cases of racial profiling. The enormity of the violations, the majority of which were experienced by immigrants and Latinos, has led the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to suspend its cooperation agreement (under section 287(g)) with the sheriff’s office and restrict the MCSO’s access to immigration databases through the Secure Communities program.

The dual announcements from DOJ and DHS reinforce what many in Arizona and the broader immigration community have long argued: the practice of allowing local law enforcement to enforce federal immigration law increases the likelihood of racial profiling and pretextual arrests which leads to disastrous results for entire communities.

The DOJ’s Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Rights Division Thomas E. Perez commented on the investigation noting “MCSO’s systematic disregard for basic constitutional protections has created a wall of distrust between the sheriff’s office and large segments of the community, which dramatically compromises the ability to protect and serve the people. The problems are deeply rooted in MCSO’s culture, and are compounded by MCSO’s penchant for retaliation against individuals who speak out.”

The DOJ has requested a response from Maricopa County and writes “If MCSO is not interested or if we deem that MCSO is not engaged in good-faith efforts to achieve compliance by voluntary means, we are prepared to file a civil action to compel compliance.”

The report contains a review of the constitutional abuses rampant in Maricopa County including an analysis by a leading expert on measuring racial profiling who examined MCSO traffic stops and found that “Latino drivers were between four to nine times more likely to be stopped than similarly situated non-Latino drivers. Overall, the expert concluded that this case involves the most egregious racial profiling in the United States that he has ever personally seen in the course of his work, observed in litigation, or reviewed in professional literature.”

Today’s announcements also highlight the critical issues at stake in the upcoming Supreme Court review of Arizona’s SB 1070, a law that institutionalized the role of state law enforcement in federal immigration matters. Even under the best of circumstances, ceding immigration authority to state officers presents an array of complex and politically charged issues. Under the worst of circumstances, as illustrated by Sherriff Arpaio’s MCSO, state and local law enforcement agencies enforcing federal immigration laws can be disasterous.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Mother's Intuition - My most recent short

If anyone wants to see my latest short -here it is.

Friday, December 9, 2011

All the things running through my head. - forgive the saying but I just puked out...some of the stuff running through my head - not even half of it.



Ever since the whole texting phone relationship thing I sort of lost something in my marriage. Or not exactly lost but I let go. I remember when we were first together and we had an open relatioinship. And I've actually been thinking to ask my husband for an open marriage. I wonder if he will read this? Sometimes he actually does read my blog.

I Haven't written for awhile. Been really busy. I filmed a short movie that should have been amazing but the guy who ran the camera... maybe intentionally shot it bad? I don't know Or I just may have come to the conclusion that I am too good of a photographer to have someone else run the camera, I guess.

Last weekend my daughter turned 9 years old. We had a slumber party. 8 little girls me organizing games, my favorite the bubble gum game. You put a plate out for each little girl and put a piece of gum on it and cover it with whipped cream, then without any hands they have to find the bubbble gum and chew it and the first person to blow a bubble wins.

My children (2 youngest) tell me they love me all the time, several times a day. I asked my friend the other day.... what am I doing so right? I wish I did it with my eldest son cause he barely wants to be around me. But he is 19....

My assertiveness is causing me a problem again. People are not inviting me to work with them as much as I'd like. But I do make new friends so who knows.

This is me.... I make real friends. Not acquaintances. If you read this blog much I've mentioned before my self protection method of freaking people out early on to weed out the weak of heart. If they cant handle that then they have no business being my friend. But then I end up feeling like shit that not everyone likes me.

That's the other thing. I've been feeling so sensitive lately.

Good news, I've been deepening my female friendships.

Good news, I stopped obsessing about dying like a year ago.

Interesting point in my life, I want to work with other people but I'm thinking freelance, I want to create art to better the world.

I have an opportunity to work on an interesting (non paid) project but I am thinking about backing out. Reason is it does not fit into my life goal of my art. I want to create movies that uplift and better the world and I don't want to be a sellout. And this piece I am talking about does not fit into my personal parameters.

I almost feel like my most recent project was almost a sell out.

Here is what I consider giving value and helping the world. Creating a movie that inspires the viewer to think deeper within themselves in a good way, or inspires them to take action that betters the world, inspires forgiveness or kindness, or at the very least gives them happiness for a moment and takes them away from what ever they are worried about.

The reason I have stayed away from horror and several types of films is because to do one feels like a sell out.

So I have this piece I'm almost done with - I mentioned earlier(terrible photography - by the camera guy) and it feels like a sellout (I knew it the minute I wrote it) because it does none of these things. My bestest friend, Laura, told me it does better the world because it educates people.

The subject, a nice guy pedophile. And a protective mother. The acting is good, the story is good, it is short... I believe in the law of attraction and I think it does not better the world. I did plan to put it into festivals, before the terrible photography, and now I think I will just add it to my youtube... and hope again the next project is up to my standards, good photography and uplifting. One good thing I learned my best friend is an exceptional actress.

I'm so busy running around with my head cut off doing a million things that I need to slow down and appreciate what is important to me.

I had a bad dream about my children last night what does that mean. I guess to me what it means is I need to cherish the ones I love.