Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts - lesson 18 to 20

I have about a million subjects I could talk about.   but I guess it all boils down to my spiritual lessons.  I'm trying to keep to the lessons but I get off on other tracks. Look, if you  ultimately believe that what you believe is what will be, why even spend time thinking about things you don't want.  Such as this wonderful lady I've been talking to  that lives a fee doors down from me.   She is groovy and interesting and very intelligent. She reminds me in personality of my friend who just passed, but she started telling me all these things about environmental and conspiracy type stuff that I do believe it when I see it. However, I want more love in the world and not more environmental problems. So I believe on of our programmed issues are that in order to change your world you have to advocate for it.  This issue has truly confused me in the past. Is advocating like fighting against something?  Is pursuing  environmental and government conspiracy theories fighting against something and is it true or is not true that fighting against something gives it more power?    If I totally take all the negative things out of my consciousness does it cease to exist in my world?  These are the questions I have. I believe if I let go of all the things I want to fight against the world will be a better place.

Resistance gives more energy to something.

Well that is just something to think about.   Lesson 19 was I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts, pretty much the same as 18. Todays lesson 20 is "I am determined to see."

The first thing it says, is the lessons have been relaxed because if you felt coerced you would not do them.
The second thing it says is that the lessons will now have more structure but that it is not force because we want to be happy and we want peace. And the reason we do not have that now is because our mind is not disciplined. Now this is where it starts to make reference to Jesus. I have always found this interesting. It starts to feel like these books are some type of re-interpretation of jesus.

Today (or this week for me) you should remind yourself through out the day that you are determined to see. In otherwords you are determined to change your present state for a better one.

Try to repeat todays idea twice an hour through out the day.

Friday, May 20, 2011

visualize checks in the mail

For the past few days I've been visualizing checks in the mail. and today I got a totally unexpected refund from a parking ticket from November. can you believe it?  $50.  

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Once a day? who was I kidding....Lesson 17 to 18

Me when I went to visit my son and went on a hike
view from mountain above corvallis
The "I see no Neutral things"... lesson 17 is a fire starter. once you start delving into that you get all sorts of controversial stuff.  I've been so busy that I am about a week behind posting my experiment.... I've been filming fashion designer interviews, filming my new webshow "Weird in P-Town"  that will be fun.... the first episode was at the UFO Fest.... which was silly really. I'm just looking for things that are different, and weird, sort of piggy backing on the Portlandia Series success.
my kids walking up the path
the mossy trees
I've been volunteering for Women in Film and even gotten a few inquiries for work, which I am just too busy right now to take on something else.

Also if you saw my latest movie "Call me Cupid" originally 4 and 1/2 minutes it is now 3 minutes long and called "Twisted Cupid" and I am doing a sound design on it.

I've been trying to be generous.  I had a realization today that sometimes people don't want to be helped or sometimes when you help someone who needs help it makes you both nervous.
my 2 boys

And I also went to the 3rd of my 4 free counselling sessions through my schools EAP. You know I did feel depressed for a few weeks, but I think I am really starting to get my silly back.  So I go in there again, thinking that I am really sort of wasting time with this because I am already good at coping, but through the process of talking to her I realized I have a negative body image.... I'm 40 and a little heavier, and not as attractive and you see there I go again. ....
Oh and on Saturday night I went out with my friend and her girlfriend, because my hubby was hung over and didn't want to go...and  I danced for a few songs.

my little ones posing by the bikes at my sons apts
There is a new Immigration bill "Reuniting Families" or something or other that would really help out thousands and thousands of US Citizens and I got a call from my contact at American Families United today and I am going to start working on getting support for that. When I get more details I'll post it here.

Plus week 7 at school, everything starts heating up and getting crazy.

Lets see what my lesson 18 is... I hope its something about everything being easy... I have once again successfully created chaos in my life, every term I do this. it starts out calm and then because I feel bored I create chaos...

Lesson 18," I'm not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing". Taken from the course in miracles workbook for students. It says that today's lesson is that everything we think is never neutral or unimportant and that all our minds are joined. I think that is an interesting thing to think. 3 or 4 times today look around and say "I am not alone in experiencing the effects of how I see _____"

My interpretation: this reminds me a little bit of the movie "What the bleep do we know?" In that it emphases how everyone is everyone else.... sometimes I when I drive, I look around and think how everyone else is me.... ...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

moving forward here lesson 15, and 16.

I have been quite busy with the fashion show short I am working on. It was interesting yesterday filming the fitting   for a fashion show. All those very tall, young, and beautiful girls in the high fashion outfits. My crew did great, and everything seems to be coming together fine. Tomorrow will be the interviews of the designers.  Today was my trip to Corvallis. The home of Oregon State. My Son gave us a great tour. And then we came back to his apartment for lunch and next off to a hike on a hill that overlooks Corvallis. The sun came out and the rain came out and the sun came out and the rain came out.  It was a wonderful day.  I worked through lesson 14 which was God did not create a meaningless world. Then I did lesson 15 my thoughts are images that I have made.  And I now have moved on to lesson 16 I have no neutral thoughts.  I like the idea that I have no neutral thoughts. It means that every single thought or action for that matter is either a step in faith or a step in fear. I find comfort in that. I find comfort and support in that.  I started doing something that I think may help me in this process. I decided to write the daily lesson on my arm. I am so very very busy that I was having some trouble remembering my daily lesson just 5 minutes after I would read it, so now I am writing it on my arm. Tomorrow I will do 17.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

repeating to myself for what... 4 days... God did not create a meaningless world Lesson 14 to 15

So got the ear all fixed up today, it was filled with ear wax and the doctor cleaned it... Hey I'm missing out on the daily photo thing I wanted to do too. I have so much going on right now. I'm excited too. I've been loving my screen writing class and I am contemplating whether I should do my final project on 2 particular very personal events.   One is a story from few days after we moved to Mexico and my husband messed up and got drunk and went to a brothel and danced with a prostitute. The other is about what happened the day my dear friend died several weeks ago.  Both deeply personal situations that I will have to write, and then have read out loud by people playing the parts.  

Another cool thing... I'm now working with Women in Film Portland, Yea!!! as a volunteer/part time employee ish thing.... I'm so excited to be able to build these friendships with various women who are  in film...... I like the idea of having  a reason to be there. I've found in networking situations I am terrible if I do not have a function. However, if I have a function I can be charming and efficient and helpful. Sometimes, believe it or not eloquent. You know what happened to that, I used to be eloquent. .....or maybe only in my mind.

Tonight I was organizing a shoot for a short film that will be played before the 2011 Fit to Print fashion show for the graduating Fashion Students.

And  I have a webshow I want to do a pilot on. About Weird in Portland.

Also I'm going to Corvallis on Sunday to visit my Son, whom I miss and is so sweet, I am so lucky you know to have such wonderful kids. This morning, (I'm grumpy in the morning by the way), I was woken up with my 4 year old boy and 8 year old girl kissing each of my cheeks and wanting huggies.  I am so lucky.

I am starting a garden in the back area of my apartment. What else... I'm a weird o... I offered a magazine to a lady on the train and she declined as if she was offended and it hurt my feelers. ...

So anyway, I've been thinking everyday about that god did not create a meaningless world, but I just am not 100% feeling this yet.  I must keep going.

Lesson 15: My thoughts are images that I have made.( taken from The Course in Miracles Workbook for Students.)
Description: ok in a jumble of words it says our thoughts ARE the images we see. Our thoughts replace seeing with illusions. Whoa this part is a trip " This introductory idea to the process of image making that you call seeing will not have much meaning for you.  You will begin to understand it when you have seen little edges of light around the same familiar objects which you see now. "


that is A TRIP.  it says that when that happens that is the beginning of REAL vision.


It says that as you go along you may have many "light episodes" that take many forms. And it says do not be afraid of them. They are signs that you are opening your eyes at last.

to practice - repeat it to yourself.  and apply it to whatever you see around you. This ____ is an image that I have made. That ____ is an image that I have made. each practice should be for a minute or less and only 3 times during the day.

My interpretation:  WOW... nothing really to say, I need to try it.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lesson 14 - my biggest problem with doing this.....

I forget the words of the lesson during the day. I should probably carry the lesson with me. ....so sorry but I must repeat Lesson 14 - God did not create an meaningless world.

On Saturday when I drafted up the last blog post I was all pumped up because my friends son was going to come with me to the sound studio. He flaked on me.  And the other idea I had to try to help my niece and take her to the ballet, and then talk about education etc... has been cancelled too, because she has been behaving terribly and her mom feels that going to the ballet would be a huge unwarranted reward.

So much for grand gestures... though I do find enjoyment in just doing basic kind gestures. Sometimes a simple smile can do wonders. I'm just so sick lately though, and without health insurance it is hard to run into the doctor. I always have these darn ear infections. In Mexico or here I always have them. ...

Tomorrow I have a Women in Film meeting and am hoping I will start working with them more, I find that very exciting. Next Sunday I am going to Corvallis to visit my son at OSU.   This last Sunday my friends came and visited me.  It was fun we had a barbque and hung out the whole afternoon.   There are things happening but I'm just not feeling great. I missed my 3 Camera Production class last night because of it. I will now visualize health and try to remember God did not create a meaningless world. I feel like if I don't actually do the lesson fully I should not move forward...