Thursday, April 21, 2011

Opinionated me - Lesson 8 to 9

In puertovallarta junie taking photos 2009
Yesterday, I had the second of four counselling sessions.  It seems a little silly because I usually figure out my own problems but it is kinda fun to tell all your little issues to a person thats being paid to sit there and listen attentively.  I found out she has very similar spiritual beliefs I do which is great luck.  This last session we were more like chatting about spiritual stuff. I've already got a ton of coping mechanisms. So we just talked about that and about my ability to make new friends. I've typed here about how I tend to shock people and  scare them off when I first meet them. She gave me some pointers. What scares people off is telling too much about yourself too soon. I am not certain if I still do this, I know it was a problem in the past, and I did walk into her office the first time and tell her 12 years of problems in one hour. I seriously puked that out.  But generally I don't tell every person I meet all my personal stuff. I do it here sort of anonymously.  I realize that doing this blog is hugely narcissistic and I do divulge alot of personal stuff here that people I know may or may know about me. Anyway, she made some comments about my personality such as she could see why I may have issues in certain situations because I am opinionated etc, etc.. When she said this I filed it away. A few people have been telling me this on and off and I never really analyzed it.  I guess I am opinionated. I'm here living in this body and don't see into other peoples heads and what their opinions are,  so it is hard for me to tell if I actually have more opinions than other people but evidently I do??  I never really looked up the word until yesterday. In the past I just figured it meant ... a person who has many opinions.

Well, that isn't actually what it means... it isn't a positive thing... its basically a character flaw - according to

    Opionated: obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions;

I've been contemplating it and am happy that it has been brought to my attention that I guess I am this way and will try to be more humble. I know people like me better when I am more humble... But let me ask this... If someone doesn't believe in their own opinons what is that?

I think opinionated in a way may be against what I am trying to do with the Course in Miracles. Maybe it is all ego.....? but Not believing in your own opinions would be ..what..... lost? And I certainly am not lost. I have a very strong sense of self.. Is that opinionated? gosh I really have to figure this out... Well that is what this experiment is going to do.

Yesterdays lesson #8 was: "my mind is preoccupied with past thoughts" this is a period of self discovery for me. My world has already become more harmonious. I am happy to be - becoming more harmonious with the universe.

Todays lesson #9: "I see nothing as it is now"

Description: It says para phrasing here "though you can accept this intellectually it is unlikely it will mean anthing to you yet..the recognition that you do not understand it is part of the process.. 3 to 4 times today look around the room starting to what is close to you and say 'I do not understand this __telephone__as it is now. And move farther away from you.'

My interpretation: It is basically the same exercise from the beginning trying to drill in your head that we put our own meanings and expectations projected outward. And I need to continue practicing until I get this ingrained into my thinking.