Monday, April 18, 2011

I'm never upset for the reason I think - lesson 5 to 6

Jimi while we are walking home from Headstart - not related to article
I'm 2 days behind on this but I'm still plugging on and I'm going to catch up now - Weekends are busy for me. On Friday I started noticing that because fear is a major issue of upset, or maybe THE ONLY REAL issue that causes upset I was being faced with things I feared. Its like once you bring up an issue it shows up everywhere.....

I would have to say that my biggest fear is child abuse.  Before I left to visit with a my friend I decided to flip through the stations in the living room and I come across Oprah. This particular show was about how a police officer had saved a little boy on a hunch even though the social worker said there was nothing to worry about. The little boy was being abused in so many ways. I don't want to get into it but it really freaks me out. I cannot stand the idea of children being hurt and the lesson that day was I'm never upset for the reason I think. So I kept having all these horrible things pop into my mind.

Truthfully, my mind is usually pretty peaceful, I long ago mastered the morbid thoughts issue and so it was surprising how many fears kept popping up in my mind that day.  My dear friend Melony invited me to go and have a drink with her. Melony is my friend who's mother passed away a few weeks ago. (her Mother was my friend also). Mel lives in Vancouver and I in Portland so I had to trek the I205 bridge to get over there. I've been over in Vancouver quite a bit lately but at this time I was faced with the strangest fearful sensations. While I was on the I205 bridge. (Here is a tidbit about it from wikipedia 205 bridge - Portland to Vancouver, Wa) The bridge is almost 2 miles long, there is an island in the middle that supports it and has gigantic supports all the way.  At the time I was on it, it was getting dark and there was traffic filled on both sides, each side has between 4 and 6 lanes of traffic.  That evening  it was the busiest I've ever seen it, probably because I rarely go on that bridge but regardless, I started having all these terrible ideas run through my head like what would happen if there was an earthquake?  I NEVER want to wonder these sorts of thoughts because I truly believe thoughts set things into motion.  So I kept saying to myself a mantra of  " I'm not upset for the reason I think" to make it go away. A few minutes later I was at Melony's and everything was fine.  We had fun and I got home by about 10:45 pm.

When I'm doing these exercises things tend to get worse before they get better.

Lesson 6 quoted from The course in Miracles Workbook for Students: "I am upset because I see something that is not there"
Description:  Do it similar to previous lessons, apply it to anything that upsets you. Always remember there are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.
My interpretation: Every time we are not feeling joy and peace and we are worried about small things, or critical of someone, or angry, stressed, the list goes on and on we are not in the purest state that god actually wants us in. So start noticing when you are upset and realize there are no small upsets.  And that I am upset because I see something that is not there. The following lessons will explain it.