Monday, November 22, 2010

The real truth.

My family:
I haven't developed much of a readership like other blogs. Its because I edit out a  major portion of my life. And that is the life with my husband. He is an immigrant.  We live a peaceful life he supports me, financially and emotionally.  He makes it possible that I can go to college. All he ever wanted for his life are a family and a business. He just wants to provide. How can I blog about my life without talking about my real life. Its just posting snippets. But here I am its been over a year since I went silent and I still pray for immigration reform.  I still pray that the humanitarian in all of us will come forward and realize that family isn't about borders. And that this country is a melting pot and always has been.

My beliefs:
I've been in film school since 10/2009 and already my dreams have started to materialize. I visualized what I wanted about 2 years ago when I was deathly sick and dirt poor, in Puerto Vallarta. Now I have everything. But the one thing that is trying to stop me is...

My health:

I had blood clot to my brain in May this year, its a TIA, it is a warning of a stroke. It is a mini stroke. I was fine coming out of that but since 5 of those happened when I was relaxing in Mexico, I do not see any reason to wait for it to happen while I'm here in the US.  They are starting to happen again -= FOR SOME BLEEPING REASON=- People might say slow down and take it easy. That depresses me.  So just like many poetic rap songs say, I'm gonna die trying. I''m going to die trying to make my dreams come true. and I believe, IF I can just keep my mind STRAIGHT AND POSITIVE and sort out the Bullshit from the truth, the truth being that faith can heal me. I will be healed and I will have that mansion and prestigious career.....   and good health.


Pray for yourself, if you don't believe that, visualize happiness, peace and love,  for yourself, and for all your friends and loved ones. We all need to stay positive. The stresses of life and business can really hold us back and we all have to remember at the end of the day, all anyone really wants in this world is to be loved and understood.

Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Thursday, November 18, 2010

to learn poetry in poetry class - a poem

Silent except for a slow stroking piano,
and the creaking from the men working above,
a movie plays on the screen,
dimmed and diluted and then bright,
a man in a painting,
my mind visits Wednesday,
with expectations of Next Tuesday,
and the piano goes on,
and the creak of the men walking,
birds squalk,
and I am in the painting too.

Film Career stuff

Ok, I deleted the post of where I am working as an intern  because I found out I SHOULD not post anything on a blog or facebook.  So here is my  new post minus the name of the movie. I am working on a movie as an intern, Yea, learning alot, later on I can post more about my experience, in an anonymous way but over all... I'm super excited.

I've been running my webshow weekly and the last show filmed was last Sunday, I'm doing a part 2 special segment on Friday with a personal interview.   That is going really well and serendepitious.

Lastly, For my final project in my production class I've secured a real Actress for my project. I'm super excited about all of this, just crazy crazy busy again. For about 5 weeks I will be super busy, and then, I get to relax

Monday, November 8, 2010

Strangers are beautiful people, but so are the ones I know!

So I had a realization last week.  All this negativity I've been experiencing lately is because I have drifted further and further away from my spiritual practice. One of my practices is  "The Course in Miracles"  and periodically I drown in all the weird little details of my life.

I need to get back to my healthy thinking.  One thing that has helped me get a little better is the practice that I've written about before. Everytime I see someone,  I say in my mind "What a beautiful person".

I've written about this before.  For some back ground - the entire practice started because I noticed in myself an un-easyness when I would see someone with an irregularity, such as  severely heavy, deformed, burned, what ever type of issues.  I am not certain where this comes from, fear of the unknown.  Anyway, I quickly mastered this defect in myself by training my mind to silently say "You are a beautiful person"  and it helped me. But then later on I noticed something strange, I started giving prefernce of positive thoughts to those who were different, and then didn't think anything at all with average seeming people.  So eventually I taught myself to silently say "you are a beautiful person" to everyone.

As I am writing this I had the realization that I still hold a prefernce for who I give these positive thoughts to. I usually only do this process with strangers.  So why should strangers get a higher energy from me than the people I know. Ok.... from now on,  I vow that I will think "what a beautiful person" to everyone I encounter everywhere.

If you want to see a shift in yourself, try it, it really helps.

For today:  Mary Mannin Morressey

Mary - sent me this wonderful message, I hope you enjoy:

Hi PuertoVallartaGirl,

Hold the thought of wholeness, even in the presence of what appears to be its absence. 
We can look at something and think it to be less than it could be from our viewpoint.  If we can shift our perception and anchor our own mind in abundance, we can repattern our thinking and remember the abundance that is present everywhere.
When we recognize abundance everywhere and align with it, we bring it into our experience.  Disregard the current condition and align with abundance.
Enjoy Abundance All Around You,
Mary Morressey

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

update on the every day stuff - ramble

My life - filming a web series every other week"Vegas Takes Oregon" . Organizing and scheduling betweenfilming . Running around for my kids and my mom, and attending classes. About 3pm every day I'm exhausted, but I take a pain reliever and I get through the day. I met a real actress last friday and hope to trade footage for her reel for some free acting. here she is on this page, she is on the bottom right photo.

Then that same evening my very gifted artist. She Actually gave  me 3 original pieces of art and 2 prints. I couldn't believe it,  see here Art by A T Whim I was so mixed emotions about it, because I was scared she is giving me this highly valuable pieces. That I told her if one day they are worth lots of money I'd be willing to give them back. She is so humble and gifted, Check out her page.

The sleep doctor sucks ass, and they are only peddling there cpap machines anyway. What a waste. Hmmm, what else, I've been absent minded lately, I'm such a bad girl.

Too much paperwork coming through the mail. I can barely remember to pay rent. Speaking of rent I have to move. I need a yard.

bla blab bla

but I'm in the zone ya know, feeling like a director. Every week I film something for my video production class. I constantly have film cameras, lights, and equipment checked out.

June had strep throat monday.

My washing machine broke.

I don't have any pants to wear.

and I'm always running around with my head cut off. My little guy jimi crawls into my bed every night to cuddle.

I'm already signing up for classes in January, I will be taking a wardrobe for tv and film class sounds interesting.

I'm still 180lbs, I need to lose weight, but for like a month I had lost my appetite from the thyroid surgery and I still didn't lose weight, that reminds me the sleep doctor says if I gain 40 lbs all the sudden come see him.

Maybe I need a cpap? I hated that thing. Not only did I look like an alien, it made me feel like I was suffocating.