Saturday, May 8, 2010

I've lost something

I'm not exactly sure what it is...

my edge? my will to fight?

my barrier?

I cry often, reading something beautiful -

Hearing a song - like esta soledad (above)

My children hugging me saying "your the best mommy ever".

A movie - like Factory girl - about Edie Sedgewick and how Andy Warhol exploited her. A trusting and in the moment person who came to a drug addicted death at age 28.

I'm confused right now.   Not the confused like I"m wandering around my house and can't figure out where the bathroom is.  I'm confused like "what the fuck am I doing?"  I want to be a student. I want to make film. I want to help the earth. Oh and babies are looking really good to me, and kindness is looking really good to me. I want to be a kind person.  I want to  be a warm person.  How do you become a warm person? I think desire helps. One week ago today I had the  what I thought was ........"Alergic reaction"  I'm basically fully recovered other than the small issues listed above.