Thursday, May 13, 2010

I never wanted to be a Poor me

Somehow since 5/4/2010 when I found out I had 4-5 strokes in the last few years, I've become what I've NEVER WANTED TO BE. a poor me. I hope to come out of this soon. I am coming out of it little by little. First off my poor me is I'm gonna die. Then it is I can't eat anything I want. I am on a very strict low cholesterol diet, and low sodium diet. Plus I'm taking SIX medications. ok... poor me. I was a little upset about that. And the experience of all this poor me, gives me the feeling like I want to get drunk. But I don't of course because per the pharmacist I shouldn't drink. I haven't drank much for years and years, like once a month, or maybe get actually drunk maybe 1 time per year. Then I started looking up marijuana. I rarely smoke marijuana but when I used to have terrible PMS it would help me. I did a little research, not too much, and my initial findings are marijuana could cause a stroke. So this is when the poor me peaked. On Monday I went to the sleep doctor and the sleep doctor told me no tv for 1 hour before bed and no computer for 3 hours before bed, this is in the event that my sleep disorder is causing me blood pressure problems. That was the topper. Basically I have lost all my freedom of choice.

#1 before this happened I was already eating more healthy - not perfect but lots of veggies and lots of whole foods - but now I've lost the option to eat pizza and hamburgers
#2 I always had the option that I could release my stress by drinking. I don't use this option, but believe me, I always know it is there. Just in case. so I lost that.
#3 that goes ditto for marijuana
#4 now I can't even go to sleep when I want? I'm supposed to sleep everynight at the same time - that is too freaking much!

These restrictions got me questioning the big picture.

die/ or live depressed?

Of course I want to live but wtf?

and hey, wouldn't anyone be pissed off about this?

But I'm back in school this week and getting a grip on everything.

don't feel sorry for me though. I seriously DO NOT LIKE BEING A POOR ME. pLEASE ONLY JOKES, NO PITY HERE k?