Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Can you hear me now?

I STILL write blogs in my head all the time. I imagine as if there is that verizon wireless group walking behind me as I go. I may not blog for weeks but I live my life with that imaginary group listening to my thoughts. I've journaled about where I was a year ago and where I am now - but was too busy to get it into my blog. I blog in my head about my health and "What the hell is wrong with me, and why isn't my doctor trying to help me figure it out". By the way, speaking of that I found this cool thing called diagnose-me.com where you answer like literally 1000 questions and it gives you an idea of what you should look out for on your health and some suggestions of how to solve the problem. It was $25.00 for the computerized report and I felt more satisfaction from reading it than I have had from 1 year of going back and forth with my doctor on my ridiculously high blood pressure and medicine that doesn't make any difference. Now it looks as if I may lose health insurance. But I'll leave that alone for now.

I mentally blog about my relationship with my husband. I mentally blog about movies I see but the one thing I've really been wanting to blog about is... my roller coaster when I am not following my spiritual practice.

Do you know, when I follow my spiritual practice the whole universe lines up and treats me right, I can see through the codes, I can read between the lines and I understand people and signs and everything. And as I get farther and farther away from my practice the worse I get sick, the more I have negative thoughts, the more anxiety I feel, the more confused I am about being mis understood. The more isolated I feel, and it comes down to this.....

The farther I get from my spiritual practice the more I look to fill the void with something outside of me.

The more I get into my spiritual practice the more I know that god comes from within. It is a natural knowing that clings onto me and surrounds me. But as the days go by when I forget to do my practice the cloak of protection slips away and I forget the true love in my soul.

Oh lord god, what ever your name is, Jesus too, spirit, holy fantasma, please remind me to stay on track and remember you.

Thank you god.
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland