Friday, February 19, 2010

oh you want to be friends with me - smack

So as I've said before I regressed in my social skills while living in mexico. I was great back when I worked for the city, and I was pretty good right before I moved to Mexico but it has taken me months to figure this out again. Well, I really haven't figured much out except that I am very set in my ways.

Some of you are thinking shut up with all this self analysis, but it is what I do when I am trying to solve interpersonal problems so .... sorry.

Here is what I've figured out or confirmed for my own personality thesis:
#1 I continually alienate people without meaning to... (but I already knew that.)
#2 I really do like people and I want people to like me - but if they don't I get over it pretty easily

Here is my new finding: I believe that once people actually try to get to know me I test them. The closer I get to them the more bazaar things I say. If they think its funny too then I open up more and become more considerate to their feelings. This just might be the opposite of nearly everyone else in this world. Meaning..... people usually edit what they say until they know someone well and then they open up. So this freaks people out. The weak ones cannot handle it. The insecure ones definitely cannot handle it.

I realized this new information about myself at a random moment the other day - I push people away. I truly want to be like jesus but when I am so busy busy busy that is probably a good way to weed out any threats. If people want to think I am weird, let them, well who am I kidding people already think I am weird and I am very proud of it. I can easily tell who is kind, and who is adventurous and who is open. Or more specifically stated - compatible to hang out with. My fellow students SHOULD see my freakiness (not meant in a sexual way), and if they still like me, then maybe we can become friends. I was like that at 12 years old and I am still like that. I push away first and see who is left.

I will pray for guidance on this but at least I understand it now.

God bless.