Friday, January 1, 2010

Introspective analysis - to small talk or not to small talk that is the question

Before August 1999 - I used to spend these hangover days talking to my Dad. My hangover is from drinking low quality rum last night, after not having drank for several months. My dad would let me ramble on and on about anything I wanted. And be supportive. I was thinking about that idea.. and then my old friend called me and we talked for an hour and a half. Lately... I rarely ever talk on the phone. I'm not really a talk on the phone kind of person. And it was so nice talking to her. We met when we were 12 years old and we went through a lot of stuff together. I am so happy that she called me. I love her. I love her like a sister. She knew my Dad. She is one of the only people that I know, other than my brother, that knew how great my Dad was.

I was saying how I want to make a series of movies of what we went through in our teenage years. There is alot of stuff that she doesn't want to remember but there is alot of really funny stuff we did. We were crazy. Have you ever seen the movie 13 about teenage girls...I don't remember exactly what the girls did, but we were something like that, and now we are a cross between that and the Banger sisters with Susan Sarandon and Goldie Hawn.

She is at a point where she doesn't want to remember the crazy stuff we did but I think what better material for my future movies than all that totally insanely crazy stuff we used to do. So many wonderful stories.

So I had a breakthrough last night about my issue with relationships with people. I think it has a huge amount to do with my lack of small talk. I freak people out, because I don't speak the language of small talk. I don't talk about the weather, unless it is directly affecting me at the moment. I'm bad at asking people how they are doing. And I guess it is all because I am too self absorbed?

Now this brings me to the point of ... whether or not I want to change that? And whether or not it is important in my spiritual journey to do small talk or not. I've been studying "A Course in Miracles" and it teaches that what is important is not what you see, and is not anything outside of you. What has all the promise and value is the world you cannot see. So the analytical problem then becomes - invest in solving a superficial issue with my satisfaction in the world (small talk) or study and figure out the spiritual philosophy of A course in Miracles and put all my faith into what I do not see.

That is what is rolling around in my head right now.