Thursday, December 17, 2009

Term over, Cold in Portland, Baby cried on the bus


Driving into Portland I love to take photos. The day I took this photo it was warming up it was 30 something (a few days before hand it was 10).

Surprisingly enough my first term back to school went really well. I made a reputation as a dependable, occasionally a few minutes late, but dependable artsy director type. Some people think .....'sure I have a ton of ideas but I don't have anything to back it up with'.

Well, its ok if they underestimate me. I'm not afraid of that. My teachers clearly see my ability. Can you believe it I am getting A's where I wasn't sure what I would get. In all honestly I am thrilled to get A's but it is not the real reason I am there. I am there to learn and A's or B's or even C's won't make much difference in the long run, what will make a difference is whether I am comprehending and learning the tricks of the trade.

Tomorrow I get Comcast Cable and I will be uploading the other videos I did in my Digital Video Class.

Today is my first day of no school, I don't go back till January 12th. I wanted to do a bunch of filming right now but the equipment library will be closed during the break. It makes sense but .... but I wish it were open... it would have been a great time to develop a few of all these projects.... in my head.

This week my little guy, he started school at the part time head start by my house. I feel so sorry for him. He just made friends with everyone and got used to being at school at the Headstart way out in Gresham, like 20 minutes from our house and then finally the transfer went through and now he is scared. He gets to take the little preschool bus and I thought he would be excited about it. He even gets to take it with his cousin, who is the same age. But... he has cried now 2 days in a row. He cried hysterically and was really scared. I felt so bad. My baby is 3 1/2 and a very sensitive boy, but charming and gets along well with others. When he clings towards me my heart goes out, but I AM a mother of 3 and I know that I must force him to go on the bus and then in a few days he will be fine.
It is one of the most dificult things mommies have to do....make their babies do things that are good for them but they don't want to do. Our hearts are torn.

But what can I do.. oh sorry honey.... stay home from school and be with me. I wish I could but when does it stop...if I continue with how he wants it he will be 5 years old and not want to dress, or feed himself or go to school, or brush his teeth. Everyday he is at school he learns how to do things for himself, like brushing his teeth.

One really good thing about the new class is that they speak 4 languages. He already speaks English and Spanish, and now he will have the opportunity to learn Russian and Turkish. I'm really excited for him I think the languages are really good for his brain and his neurotransmitters.

but it is very hard to see your babies grow up. I'm so busy that I have to conciously pause and play with my babies. I have to just stop and look at them and be silly.

Being a mommy is one of the most important and difficult things to do. I fight to be present.

Lastly I've been wanting to say that I've found myself not being as giving and generous as I want to be. I have got to find time to get centered everyday.

I've noticed when I don't practice my spiritual practice and meditate on an idea everyday, I become less of the person I truly want to be. I forget. I forget that we are all the same. I forget that to judge someone else is to judge myself. I want to remember.

God bless and Merry Xmas
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

PS I still don't miss Puerto Vallarta... when I see pictures I get apprehensive...