Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just one of those days - those ... I miss him days.

I stepped out of the car today and reached around to manually lock all the doors. Yes my car doors don't have automatic locks can you believe it? Then I said a silent prayer. "Dear god please give me the strength to write an uplifting blog post". Then I walked up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, walked in and turned on the laptop. I sat down on my cushy sectional, one sock on, one sock off and sit down to my computer to talk to my husband and write the blog about what I am sad/mad/incredulous about. God give me patience. I don't want to be mad all the time. This post is about Single Mothers - when the fathers don't want to be there, and single mothers - when the fathers want to be there, but the government won't let them.

I get online to web cam with my husband and then I also log into my email account and I get a very nice email from one of the blog readers here that lives... not too far from me, up in Washington State, and her husband is in Mexico, it's now been over 2 years. I don't want to get that anniversary. I don't want to have a day where I say, it's been 2 years now. After I read the email I started to cry on the web cam to my husband, which makes my husband cry, or should I say sad, he didn't actually cry but I could see his eyes very sad.

I don't think of myself as a single mom.

I'm not, because I have a husband, that wants to be with us. But on some level I am a single Mom. Forced by the government rules and regulations to be apart from the love of my life. There are many people who might say I have chosen to be a single mom, because I left my husband and came up here. No one should say that. Not until you have lived in my shoes. And she had, Mrs. Washington has lived in my shoes. She says she reads my blogs and she feels as if she is reading her own words. The reason this is important is because we have to recognize that we are NO small group. And we have rights! We are Americans and we have rights (OR SHOULD HAVE RIGHTS) same as the people who fell in love with people who are citizens. They are no better.

Every single person in Our beautiful country either was, or is related to an immigrant. I sometimes am so frustrated with the racist people. I've read that there are people who are saying get rid of anchor babies. Well, how about this, everyone that's parents were immigrants, or their grandparents were immigrants, get the fuck out of this country? Huh, Jesus, do they even understand the implications of that. Some of the people that are trying to say to get rid of anchor babies are probably in a sense kicking themselves out of the country. Oh, your parents are from another country, your not American! They are so far off base, because the USA is a melting pot. The entire premise of the USA is a composition of all the worlds countries.

OK, calm down, I'm having trouble calming down - this is what this blog is supposed to say:

All he has to do is hold one of my hands in the air, hold my other hand by his shoulder and bounce his knees and I fall in love again. There doesn't even have to be music playing.

We are such different people, my husband and I, not only culturally but personality wise. He is "A take it as it comes" type of person, and I am "A search it out and catch it" kind of person. And somehow we make a perfect balance. Somehow our ying and yang are working together to create a passion that glues us together and I want to be with him. I want to be a partner with him and I need him inorder for me to be ok, I need him to be my sounding board and talk me down from some of my crazy impulses, or to support me with my sensible ones. We met December 31st, 1998, he held out his hand and asked me to dance. Not bad huh. We still want to be together.

In a society where divorce and fathers leaving mothers has become so prevalent. Where large percentages of new births are to single mothers, and marriage only has a 50% chance of survival, I just cannot understand why it is so complicated to have my husband with us when HE WANTS TO BE WITH US! As if there aren't already enough challenges in this life.

Someday, we will know why we are all going through this. If you have an idea, post it here.

I'll start.