Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hello God - paradox. and some deep shit

So everyday I get these spiritual messages from one Mary Mannin Morissey. Yes she is the minister from Portland that was involved in a scandal way back. But I love her messages. Today's messages is that she has a friend that makes a practice to just say "Hello God" where ever and when ever.

I read that and I really feel that. Like obviously there is a plan for E. I have to tell you that I have met some random really interesting people in the last few days. One I am considering getting his life story because he seems to have some great stuff. Anyway, yesterday before I got my first encrypted email from e which was only "hey love" There he was in the middle of a catastrophe and he texts me "hey love". He has that gift I guess, gift of patience. I always blurt everything immediately. I texted "Get online" thinking he was in his hotel room. He responds, "no me siento con ganas" (don't feel like it). Then he texted me, "Malas Noticias"(bad news), and that's all like 20 minutes between texts. Do you see why I was TOTALLY FREAKING OUT, AND LOSING IT?

On the train I met this interesting person before all the texting started, before I lost my composure. Before my mind flew out sideways of my head and splattered on everything...... I walked up to the train after school. I was thinking about going to Canada to see e. I had a waded up paper napkin in my pocket with a crushed croissant in it. I was starving so instead of throwing away my breakfast from a few hours earlier I decided to eat it. A guy walks up and sort of patrolled around the bench and garbage and ticket machine. He too was holding some food in some tin foil. He seemed normalish and glanced at me a few times. We stood there and ate our food from home. It crossed my mind he wanted to talk to me. My new outlook as a film student is to start really talking to strangers. (suggested by my teacher) So I thought maybe I should say something. Anyway, right before the train comes he says something like. "Isn't today a weird day? There is something weird in the atmosphere."

I did a hmmm? or ohh or something. I then said, "What do you mean?"

He said something like "things seem off kilter". That sounds weird to type. I say that occasionally but to type it it looks weird huh. Anyway he mentioned how everyone seems upset or angry.

So we boarded the train and I said "Sometimes I wonder if it is me projecting or me feeling peoples feelings, like the law of attraction." Then we talked about a whole string of Paradoxes.

Let me see if I can remember...... It started with consciousness. And I said "what is consciousness, How do you really define that?"

Then I said "I am confused about consciousness when they say the whole concept that time doesn't even go in order, and that it is supposed to be happening simultaneously how does consciousness really work?" and He talked about the whole yin and yang, and Buddha's concept to separate from the ego. and I said that I read about that concept of separating from the ego in "The course in Miracles" and he nodded. Then we also talked about whether you project your expectations or if you sense future things psychically.

And then it was his stop, he rode for about 3 stops and we talked about all that. That is when the day became surreal. About 1 hour after that is when I got the first text.

I just want to say, "Hello god!" I know you are fucking with me right now. Lol, smile! I don't know your plan. but Thank you, because I know with how dramatic you are being it is going to be good.

Love Puerto Vallarta Girl.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So much for that plan - I am devastated

I'm pissed off at Canada and I am devastated and I really just don't understand what has happened.

When I applied for the Canadian Visa I told them about everything, our history, that my husband was not able to come to the US, and other details that would have affected his immigration if not explained. And they issued him a multiple entry visa. I stated in the letter that he would travel there on and off and maybe even take a class there.

So I don't know what happened but I am crumbling. I was so hopeful and normal and now I am seriously distraught. My love is now as I write this in the Vancouver Canada Immigration holding cell. He has been denied entry into Canada as a visitor right off the plane, even with a Multiple entry visitor visa stamped in his passport.

Can you believe it. And I don't have anyone to talk to.

Help me god, I'm at my wits end right now. and the kids don't even seem to notice that we have a crisis.

I just don't understand. Its a difficult afternoon to take care of the little ones and go through this. I can't even talk to e... till he gets back to Mexico.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Where did Halloween come from.


SNL Adam Sandler Halloween Costumes - View more free videos
I was getting caught up on the reading for one of my art classes. Yeah reading, seems weird to me that you have to read for art but you do. In the text book Drawing From Observation by Bryan Curtis, Chapter 12, it explains biomorphic forms and spherical cross-sections from drawing pumpkins and carved pumkins. I KNOW you are reading this going blah blah blah blah, then in figure 12.17 in the book, it has a description of where our modern Halloween came from. I have never read this particular description before. Since living in Mexico I now know all about the day of the dead. And in the US I have thought for awhile that Halloween is just an excuse to get free candy.

This description, if true, seems much more plausible but it also seems like a modern day excuse to JUST GET SOME CANDY.

It says that the modern day halloween represents the ancient Celtic Festival of the new year (Samhain). The celts believed that the new year started on Halloween, October 31, and the fabric of time becomes pourus on that day. During that day the spirits can actually come through from the other dimension and wreak havoc on the world of the living. So to protect themselves they put out candy and treats to keep the spirits happpy. This is why the modern day version has children dress up like monsters and they go door to door for candy.

How awesome is that to find out there really is some method to our madness...!

Most people know about the Mexico version which is similar to the celtic version "The day of the dead" which is November 1st is about going to the cemetary and having a party with your departed relatives and praying for them. Some people actually have bands and entire dinners right there at the cemetary. While I was there in El Rancho... Michoacan it was a combination of the Day of the dead and Halloween and my nephews actually went out for candy for 3 days.

Anyone have any other takes on where Halloween came from?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

He's coming to Canada

Next Wedensday my Man is going to Vancouver, BC, Canada, a mere 311 miles away from us we are going to wait out the immigration reform for US and I will commute to see him on weekends and holidays in Canada. Yeah! I am happy.

He has had his visa since end of August but he has had a lot of things to do and we had to really consider this carefully because it is a big decision. But now it is set. The ticket is purchased and he is coming.

I still have hope for Immigration reform - check out this email from American Families United

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: American Families United
To: puertovallartagirl@gmail.com
Sent: Wed, October 21, 2009 11:16:16 AM
Subject: Big victories for families!


Hi Puertovallartagirl,

What a week!

1. The big news: Congress approved a measure to end the Widow's Penalty yesterday. It will be singed into law shortly. Read the NY Times article here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/21/us/21widows.html?ref=nyregion

We are so excited that this bill has passed, both for the families affected, and for the implications for immigration reform -- Congress has just shown that it can get things done.

American Families United is proud to have supported this legislation, but the real credit goes to an attorney named Brent Renison, who led the effort for 6 years with Surviving Spouses Against Deportation. Please don't be shy in going to the website and sending Brent a note of thanks for his hard work on behalf of his clients and all American families!

2. In another victory for one American family, the parties for Dan and Hoa around the country on September 10th are paying off. Their story made the front page of the Minnesota daily:

http://www.mndaily.com/2009/10/12/supporters-detained-former-student-pushing-immigration-reform

Following that story, Congressman Keith Ellison called Dan personally and told him they “put their shoulder against the wheel” and begin working to help Hoa and Dan by contacting DHS. In a great first step, Hoa is being released home today! Their legal case continues, and they want waiver reform for all families, but it's so encouraging to see hard work pay off with this personal victory.

3. In Washington, DC, former Congressman Bruce Morrison and Paul Donnelly continue to lobby for our reforms. In addition to follow up contact with Congressman Ellison, important meetings have been held with the offices of Senator Schumer, Congressman Gutierrez, and other major players. Meeting our recent fundraising goal has allowed us to stay right in the center of the debate as events unfold.

Senator Schumer is still working on a Senate bill, and his support for our reforms is strong. Congressman Gutierrez's office also continues work on a progressive immigration bill, and our estimate (which is a guess not official word) is that the bill will be introduced after Thanksgiving. Congressman Gutierrez's office has not gotten into the details of our reforms, but is supportive.

4. In another victory for AFU, a national coalition of family groups has embraced aggressive waiver reform as a principle for comprehensive immigration reform. This coalition already supports our other urgent issues. In response, AFU is combining forces with other members of this coalition to support a briefing for Congressional offices on Friday. This briefing will promote the Reuniting Families Act and the principles for family immigration reform. Cara Huang, Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff, Office of Congressman Honda will speak. Staff from over 10 offices have confirmed already. If you are in the area, and think you might be able to attend, please consider this an invitation! This would be a great opportunity to talk more specifically about the reforms that would help the people close to you. The meeting will be held at 2:30 pm Friday on Capitol Hill. Please respond with your phone number if you are thinking about attending and would like more information.

With all that's going on, we'd like to ask for your help to keep up the momentum and to have fun at the same time. Specifically, could you help us with one of the following?

a. Help us come up with new credit card design. You can send your pictures to photos@americanfamiliesunited.org and read more about this effort here:

http://americanfamiliesunited.org/node/77

b. Give us your suggestion or support existing suggestions for our upcoming holiday fundraiser. We have a big goal ahead and need your input:

http://americanfamiliesunited.org/suggestions

c. If you or somebody you know are personally affected, think about how you might replicate the success of Dan and Hoa's story. Collecting your thoughts in a personal campaign page would be a great first step to prepare for that effort:

https://americanfamiliesunited.org/civicrm/contribute/campaign?action=add&reset=1&pageId=3



Thanks,

Randall Emery

American Families United

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just one of those days - those ... I miss him days.

I stepped out of the car today and reached around to manually lock all the doors. Yes my car doors don't have automatic locks can you believe it? Then I said a silent prayer. "Dear god please give me the strength to write an uplifting blog post". Then I walked up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, walked in and turned on the laptop. I sat down on my cushy sectional, one sock on, one sock off and sit down to my computer to talk to my husband and write the blog about what I am sad/mad/incredulous about. God give me patience. I don't want to be mad all the time. This post is about Single Mothers - when the fathers don't want to be there, and single mothers - when the fathers want to be there, but the government won't let them.

I get online to web cam with my husband and then I also log into my email account and I get a very nice email from one of the blog readers here that lives... not too far from me, up in Washington State, and her husband is in Mexico, it's now been over 2 years. I don't want to get that anniversary. I don't want to have a day where I say, it's been 2 years now. After I read the email I started to cry on the web cam to my husband, which makes my husband cry, or should I say sad, he didn't actually cry but I could see his eyes very sad.

I don't think of myself as a single mom.

I'm not, because I have a husband, that wants to be with us. But on some level I am a single Mom. Forced by the government rules and regulations to be apart from the love of my life. There are many people who might say I have chosen to be a single mom, because I left my husband and came up here. No one should say that. Not until you have lived in my shoes. And she had, Mrs. Washington has lived in my shoes. She says she reads my blogs and she feels as if she is reading her own words. The reason this is important is because we have to recognize that we are NO small group. And we have rights! We are Americans and we have rights (OR SHOULD HAVE RIGHTS) same as the people who fell in love with people who are citizens. They are no better.

Every single person in Our beautiful country either was, or is related to an immigrant. I sometimes am so frustrated with the racist people. I've read that there are people who are saying get rid of anchor babies. Well, how about this, everyone that's parents were immigrants, or their grandparents were immigrants, get the fuck out of this country? Huh, Jesus, do they even understand the implications of that. Some of the people that are trying to say to get rid of anchor babies are probably in a sense kicking themselves out of the country. Oh, your parents are from another country, your not American! They are so far off base, because the USA is a melting pot. The entire premise of the USA is a composition of all the worlds countries.

OK, calm down, I'm having trouble calming down - this is what this blog is supposed to say:

All he has to do is hold one of my hands in the air, hold my other hand by his shoulder and bounce his knees and I fall in love again. There doesn't even have to be music playing.

We are such different people, my husband and I, not only culturally but personality wise. He is "A take it as it comes" type of person, and I am "A search it out and catch it" kind of person. And somehow we make a perfect balance. Somehow our ying and yang are working together to create a passion that glues us together and I want to be with him. I want to be a partner with him and I need him inorder for me to be ok, I need him to be my sounding board and talk me down from some of my crazy impulses, or to support me with my sensible ones. We met December 31st, 1998, he held out his hand and asked me to dance. Not bad huh. We still want to be together.

In a society where divorce and fathers leaving mothers has become so prevalent. Where large percentages of new births are to single mothers, and marriage only has a 50% chance of survival, I just cannot understand why it is so complicated to have my husband with us when HE WANTS TO BE WITH US! As if there aren't already enough challenges in this life.

Someday, we will know why we are all going through this. If you have an idea, post it here.

I'll start.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Photo post







After just now getting better from a fierce cold/flu/god knows what. We finally got out of the house for some fresh air. We went to the Lents Farmers Market which was actually only about 12 stands and very few people but I got the peaches I wanted. Though they are not ripe yet (dab nagget)...

Anyway afterwards we went to the park and I could not stop myself from taking some shots of the beautiful colors. Also here are some photos from a few weeks ago at a different park out in Gresham.

And a photo of me on the day I got my College Art Kit. It is huge!

That's all for now. I have ton's of reading to do, I am having a hard time keeping up with all the reading.

Happy Movies,
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland





Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Ever wondered about Picasso?


This website has a great documentary that plays automatically and loads fast all about the life of Picasso. I highly recommend it, even if you are only slightly interested in art. It is very interesting.

http://www.picasso.com/

check out this article, don't fight kids.... and keep your stereos down

Tougher rules on policing illegal immigrants
Local agencies helping with deportations must keep their focus on major crimes.
By Anna Gorman
The Los Angeles Times, October 14, 2009
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-immig-law14-2009oct14,0,4859999.story

Luz Maria Diaz knew what happened to illegal immigrants at the Wake County jail. But her teenage daughters didn't.

So when the girls were arrested after fighting on their high school campus in September, they freely admitted that they were born in Mexico. Detention officers at the jail checked their immigration status and promptly handed them over to federal authorities.

Now Diana, 16, and her sister, Yolanda, 18, are battling to stay in the country.

'I never thought this could happen . . . for a simple fight,' their mother said. 'I was in shock.'

The Wake County Sheriff's Department is one of eight local law enforcement agencies in North Carolina and 66 across the nation authorized by the federal government to identify illegal immigrants and process them for possible deportation under a program known as 287(g). Virginia is the only other state with more participating agencies. There are four such agreements in California, including one with the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department.

Immigrant advocates and some lawmakers have been highly critical of the program because of reports of racial profiling and civil rights violations. The Congressional Hispanic Caucus has called for an end to the program.

Responding to concerns, the Obama administration announced in July that participating agencies would be subject to federal supervision and required to focus their efforts primarily on serious and violent criminals. Police agencies must sign new agreements by today. Los Angeles County sheriff's officials are still in negotiations but expect to continue immigration screening in the jails.

If police agencies fail to follow the new rules, they risk losing their enforcement authority, said Alonzo Pena, deputy assistant secretary at U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

One high-profile participant, Joe Arpaio, sheriff of Maricopa County in Arizona, who is being investigated by the Department of Justice, said last week that federal authorities are stripping him of his authority to make immigration arrests on the streets.

Wake County Sheriff Donnie Harrison, who joined the federal program in June 2008 and signed a new agreement Tuesday, said his deputies would continue arresting people in minor crimes, including traffic violations, if they fail to provide valid identification, and would continue checking the immigration status of foreign-born people taken to his jail. As of Oct. 1, the sheriff's staff had interviewed about 3,760 foreign-born inmates and processed about 2,650 for possible removal.

Whether immigration authorities move forward with deportation is up to them, Harrison said.

'That's an ICE problem,' he said. 'We're going to continue to do our job.'

Wanting a better life

Diaz led her daughters across the border more than 10 years ago to seek a better life for them. If her daughters are ordered deported to Mexico, Diaz, 35, said, the whole family -- including her U.S.-born son -- will go too. She can't imagine sending her daughters alone to Mexico, a country they don't really know.

Yolanda Diaz, who was arrested on a charge of simple assault, said the arrest has dashed her plans of going to college in the United States. Her sister, Diana, arrested on a disorderly conduct charge, said she just wants to graduate from her high school.

'It's not fair,' she said. 'Other people have done much worse things than this.'

Their attorney, Marty Rosenbluth with the Southern Coalition for Social Justice, said the government's 287(g) program wasn't designed to pick up illegal immigrants like the Diaz sisters. 'I appreciate that they are saying they are prioritizing dangerous criminal aliens,' he said. 'That is not what we are seeing.'

Another one of his clients, Luis Cruz Millan, 30, an illegal immigrant from Mexico, was ordered to report to an immigration officer after being arrested last month for allegedly listening to music too loudly in a car outside the Raleigh house where he was living.

He and his fiancee, Belinda Masterman, a U.S. citizen, had gotten into an argument, so Cruz went to the car to calm down. A neighbor called police, who arrested Cruz. Masterman said she begged them not to take Cruz to jail. Cruz said he believes that illegal immigrants who commit serious crimes should be deported. But, he said, 'I never imagined I would be deported for listening to music.'

One night last month, immigration attorney Jim Melo stood in front of a class of about 20 immigrants in Durham and explained how 287(g) worked and advised them what to do if stopped by police. 'Outside of showing your identification, it's not necessary to answer their questions,' he said.

He also warned them that different areas in North Carolina apply the law differently.

'In Wake County, if they arrest you for whatever reason -- speeding, driving without a license -- boom. There's immigration,' he said.

When he was finished speaking, the audience peppered him with questions: When do you ask to see an immigration judge? Is it a crime to drive without a license? If you are arrested for driving without a license, are you in danger of deportation?

Demographic shifts

Drawn by jobs in agriculture, the textile industry and more recently construction, Latino immigrants began settling in large numbers throughout North Carolina in the 1990s, dramatically changing the demographics of the state.

Between 2005 and 2007, the state's Latino population was estimated at 596,000, up from 77,000 in 1990, according to U.S. Census data. In some areas, including Alamance County, the large influx of immigrants created tension with longtime residents.

Many new Latino residents moved into the towns of Burlington and Graham, finding jobs, starting families and opening businesses. But along with those immigrants looking for work, Sheriff Terry Johnson said, other new arrivals began committing crimes. And because the federal government wasn't enforcing immigration law, Johnson said, he had to.

Since the county joined the 287(g) program in 2007 and many illegal-immigrant drug traffickers and gang members have been arrested and deported, Johnson said, violent crime has dropped. 'Immigrants know if you come to Alamance County for the purpose of committing crime, we are going to get you,' he said.

One day last month, occupants of the Alamance County Jail -- which also holds ICE detainees from other counties awaiting deportation -- included a man who had been deported three times and another illegal immigrant who said he had served time for killing a person in a car accident.

Johnson acknowledged that not all illegal immigrants taken to the jail are suspected of violent crimes. Many are arrested on minor charges, such as driving without a license. If the traffic or criminal case is dismissed, illegal immigrants are turned over to ICE for possible deportation.

The sheriff's decision to sign up for the federal program earned him respect from longtime residents but created a sense of fear among immigrants.

Galvanized by several high-profile arrests and deportations, several activists formed a group called Fairness Alamance to challenge the sheriff and county officials over 287(g). They accused the sheriff of racial profiling and using the law to get illegal immigrants accused of committing minor crimes out of the country.

'The law became a weapon in the hands of law enforcement,' said Blanca Zendejas Nienhaus, a teacher and member of the group. Now, Zendejas Nienhaus said she and others are pushing for the county to abide by the federal government's new rules and target only violent criminals.

'Time and goodwill will tell if they are going to make any change,' she said.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Acting class monologue

I'm really tripping out. I've been trying to memorize my monologue that I must do in front of a camera on Friday and I've been reading it over and over and doing it for a webcam and I keep getting chills while I'm doing it and also tears really do come to my eyes when I'm reading it and supposed to be crying. Isn't that strange. I've never done any acting. So maybe this is normal? I've never been a person that can cry on demand. Wow it's pretty cool but its like I will get so into it and then like snap out of it again. It's hard to explain.

As my heartstrings pull I imagine him here.

I'm so proud of my husband because now every night he sings to the kids different songs in Spanish. I miss him so much. We talk on the webcam about 2 times a day - once early in the day and usually at bedtime I give the kids they're bath and get them dressed and put them to bed. He goes along with, I carry the laptop from room to room, and he stays during story time and then sings them a song before they go to sleep. I know it sounds silly but it is a big help. Sometimes I put the laptop on the top bunk and he sings to Junie while I am on the bottom singing to Jimi.


When we are together we are truly a great team. Especially when we were in the US together, he would work and I would take care of everything else, but still in the evenings he would help me with the kids.


Right now all I can do is imagine him here with me, sneaking up on me in the laundry room, cuddling with him at night. I imagine chatting in person. I imagine taking a shower together, like before and he would tell me about his day and all the funny stories that happened to him. There was always at least one funny story everyday. Every so often we dance in the living room or kitchen and be silly for little 5 minute intervals. He can be very funny. He is my heart, my love, my husband. Dear god bring him back. A family is meant to be together.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Lets talk about Art - Screeeech I'm anti-ironing... I can't hear you!

This photo is a work from Wim Devoye, and photos are found here: http://www.wimdelvoye.be/ironingboards.php#


Ok so we are sitting in art class yesterday, and talking about different art works and how we felt about it. And I am sure I will offend many people to say when we were talking about movies I do not like I had a huge list of many peoples very favorite movies, ie. Lord of the Rings, Never ending Story, Princess Bride, The Man, Star Wars, and Kill Bill. There is one more I don't know the name which was playing on cable in Mexico on an english speaking channel about a father or step father and his incestuous relationship with his 13 year old daughter or step daughter. blechk!

Just a personal preference. Then we were looking at different art works on the projector for reaction. The teacher, Meredith, was showing different works she likes or that are thought provoking. She got to Wim Devoye, and we saw the tattooed pigs, and the human digestive machine, and various others until she showed us the ironing board project. Hmmm, I could not keep my mouth shut. ...... I am drum roll please.... .... tada boom, ANTI-Ironing. I never realized how fiercely I am ANTI-ironing. I am ANTI-ironing for the obvious reasons of course, its too much work. However, I am also ANTI-ironing for more stubborn and irrational reasons. First off, I will iron an occasional fancy dress, or a cotton shirt. However, I do not iron anything that after a few minutes it looks as if it was not ironed in the first place. I throw that in the dryer to wear it, or I just don't iron it.

The next reason I am ANTI-ironing is because, in Mexico, and for that matter, many Mexicans, and many random people, judge you by how well your clothes are ironed. And that makes me want to be more wrinkly just for that fact of being judged for an unjust reason. In your face, na na na na na.

Now how irrational is that?

I'm a rebel I know, I will get you with my wrinkly clothes... high yah!~)

The point of this story is ..... sitting in class, I suddenly could not embrace the art, because of my own prejudices. Shame on me.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The train to a new life: The night before my first day of school


Tomorrow I will wake at 5:30 am. Wake the children and deliver them to their schedule for the day. And then I will park the car and board the train to downtown.

The train to a new life,

The train to a new career,

The train that leads me to the elusive dream I've held since I was a girl.

I've worked on various hobbies for years, mostly writing, interior design, art, and researching immigration law, and I hope to pull my desire for advocating for immigration and my creative drive into one. I plan to do a documentary about immigration, or expats in Mexico, or just a comparison of life here and life there. I also hope to intern in producing, and then come out of college with more than one job offer at a studio. Those are my goals and I believe that I will achieve them.

Half the fight in this life is figuring out what you want. For most people it is based off basic needs and if your basic needs are not met your goals are something like, get my own place, get a job, buy a car. And for me when I was in Mexico I didn't have my basic needs met and I still had this dream. I had read The Secret and years before I had read Creative Visualization by Shatki Gawain and in my poverty I visualized my highest dreams. I visualized my 2 1/2 million dollar Santa Barbara, California Beach house. I designed every room in my mind. I would spend hours mediating and visualizing family parties there and being in my office and relaxing on a hammock with a glass of red wine, while I was taking a break from my writing. I visualized dancing in the living room with my husband with the ocean view.

Recently, I have read in blogs that I follow, that some people barely make it financially in Mexico but they do have enough to survive. For us we didn't barely make it, we were drowning. We were drowning both when I was working or when my husband was working we did not have enough money to pay bills, buy food, and cover medical expenses. Last Christmas was the saddest Christmas I've had since I was 16.

But not anymore, I'm sitting here now with "Behind the Music Brett Michaels" playing on the TV. I just got the babies to bed. My husband is in Mexico and not accessible today, because he went drinking beer with friends, and that worries me - its a bad combination to be drunk, lonely, and horny. And me.... I'm recovering from the stress of being at the grocery store this evening with my 2 children running up and down the isles I'm getting ready to clip grocery coupons, and read my acting class book, and then go to sleep so I can be ready for my first day of school since 1997.

I thank god that we have everything we need. I do miss my husband terribly, but I can't, and don't want to live in Mexico anymore. I KNOW why the Mexicans come here to the USA, it is a better life, it's an easier life. Maybe I am fragile, maybe I am not as tough as the others I read about. I made it over 2 years there. But in the very end of the 2nd year I was dying to come back and praying and visualizing I was here, and here I am now, living my dream. Solo falta una cosa, mi amor. And I have faith he is coming. I have a very strong faith in god. I believe. I won't stop believing that he will be with me soon. And all our dreams will come true.

God Bless

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Prank Texting

I am such a bitch I guess. I don't know....

Lately my G3 Modem that receives and also sends text through your computer has gotten several texts from people trying to contact the former owner of the number that is associated to it.

The other day I got a text from someone saying meet you at so and so, at so and so time. So I texted back and told them it was a wrong number.

Today I got a wrong number on my cell phone. I'm in Portland... as a reminder.

It said, "How is Florida?"
I said "Hot."
They said, "That's all you gotta say Mr. ?"
I said, "Mr?"
They said, "I take it you don't know who this is? Or your involved."
I said, "Nope"
They said, "Aspen"
I said, "Heather?" (that's my name)
They said, "Ha Ha no!"
I said, "Portland?" I don't know where I got the idea to mess with this poor person, but at the time I was laughing my ass off.
They said, "Aspen, Aspen, Aspen"
Just then my husband called me, And I was inside of a 7/11 filling up slurpees, and my battery was getting low on my cell phone, so I didn't answer the text right away.
Then I get back out to the car and I get this message, " Are you fucking serious! Don't think there is people down there with my name! I texted you many notes. Unless this isn't Nick"
And they sent another text, "Ok, I'm done texting, bye."
I was laughing really hard but I didn't want them (i wasn't sure but I thought was a her) to be mad at Nick... so I called her and told her that I was just messing with her and that I have had the phone number since April. And.... my battery ran out so I didn't hear her answer.

Why am I such a brat? And the worst thing... I loved it. I think I am going to do that more often.

Friday, October 2, 2009

My books for my first classes Yeeeehawww

Oh my god, I am stressing right now because I have to figure out who will take my little one to Head start. And I will have to have another mom do it... until he gets transferred closer... jeez
stress.

Anyway, I am about to go downtown to powells to get my books and get my art kit. For all you arty people out there... see how thrilled i am at my first classes here are my books:

Class: Visual Thinking
Book: Drawing from Observation

Class: Principles of Digital Film and Video
Book: Understanding Movies

Class: Principle Visual Communication
Book: Launching the Imagination

Class: Acting Fundamentals
Book: Acting for the Camera

wow.

I am so freakin thrilled


Still feel bad about mi amor. I am just such a bitch sometimes and I need to be more understanding instead of expecting that the whole world evolves around me.

I'm outtie.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Photos of Portland - It is a beautiful city - and what I am Really thinking about

These are pictures of Downtown Portland on my way to take my yucky math entrance test at my new school.




I want to write a blog about how beautiful it is here. I want to write a blog about my day in Orientation for Film School. I want to write a blog about my beautiful babies.

Through out the day I wrote many great ideas and comments on paper of things to write about here in my blog... but right now at this moment all I can think about is me and e. E is my husband (in case this is your first time here) We have not been getting along well. Truth is we've been arguing. When I went back to Mexico for 2 months in the summer we bickered all the way through it. I know some of the reasons why:

-He's not working,
-He is stressed out when things are not stable and we were moving around constantly,
-He thought he was going to be legal now, and its all my fault he isn't
-I abandoned him and came back to the USA with both of our children

I usually want to blame everything on him. You see I think I have put E into this tiny little box. He is a little unsure of him self anyway. Somehow my personality over powers him and .... he just stays back and lets me push for the things I want. Sometimes he will actually let me get all excited and chase after something when the whole time he thinks it is not a good idea. And then later he will say, he didn't think it was a good idea. I often feel as if he is hiding himself from me.

He is reluctant to show me his opinions about things in the chance that I might disagree, and so it makes it so he doesn't want to give any opinions.

What I am trying to say is I always blame everything on him and I think I need to take responsibility. Don't I?

Here is what happened yesterday and you tell me how I could have handled this better. I should be like Jesus, I want to be like Jesus but when I am thrown in these circumstances I REACT!

I was doing the webcam with E and I asked him to talk to the kids and tell them a story about some of the things he had been doing that the children would enjoy. After a minute or so pause he said he couldn't think of anything. Then a little later I took the computer and webcam into the kids room for bedtime. I wanted E to be more involved and I felt very tired so I asked E to tell the kids a bedtime story, he just stared with a blank look, it was the same blank look that infuriates me when we are together, I could tell. The Deer in headlights I'm not going to do anything because she is making a demand look, Do you know that one? Or is this unique to me and E?

I sort of begged/demanded that he tell a story. Finally he tells the story of how that day he was out getting food for the goats (this weed that grows on the trees) and his brother Paco accidentally killed a wild rabbit.

I laughed and said, "That's not a bedtime story, just make one up if you don't know one". He just sat there silently. Then when he ignored me I got really angry and shut the computer and turned it off.

He apologized today but is obviously still mad and I guess I am being snappy with him, when I have to repeat things 4-5 times.

I love him so much and I really want things to go back to normal but it is jus so hard 3000 miles apart with no idea when we will see each other again.