Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Soloist and My life, My mother

Today was a good day. I had some legal issues to work out in regards to decision making about my Mother. My Brother and I went Downtown to meet with an Attorney who works for the Hospital where my Mother resides.

This is a Terrible photo of my mother, taken in the Spring. My Mother has always been a very beautiful Woman and you cannot see it in this photo.

After I returned from my appointment with my brother we went for a visit to see my Mother. And later June and I went to exchange a movie at the Blockbuster. My choice was "The Soloist"

When I left to Mexico 2 1/2 years ago I worried deeply about my Mother. She was in the State Hospital almost non-stop for the past 10 years. I had developed a schedule of visiting her once every few weeks and I would take her to lunch and buy her cosmetics or new clothes. When I talked to her while I was in Mexico she begged me to help her and spoke of her delusions and how dangerous it was there. It was the same delusions that she had been having for years and I really couldn't do anything for her. When I came back to visit January 2008 I visited her and she was the same. But when I came back this spring to see her she was different. In the year and 1/2 since I had seen her she had aged 10 years. I cried the moment I saw her. I felt like I had failed her.

Her smooth skin was lined and she looked in really bad shape. She had lost so much weight and she seemed very fragile and distorted. I held her with her lipstick all over her face and her exaggerated eye shadow and we cried. She was busy at the time and wasn't able to visit for long. I took her out to eat a few times after that. Then I had to go back to Mexico for the Appointment. I've been back about 4 weeks now and I have been so busy I had not had a chance to go visit her. So today we went down there.

At first she came in with these girlish pig tails and I asked her if I could fix her hair. I put her hair in a pony tail. I spoke to her of all the things that were going on, trying to keep the conversation moving so she doesn't try to fill the space with her delusions. She was still going on and on about various delusion when I must have said I am her daughter, about something. And she stopped me and said, "Heather, your NOT my daughter" I was prepared for this, she often tries to say I am not her daughter. But then she said the most wonderful thing, "You are my best friend." I thought that was so sweet and I hugged her and smiled. Hey if your gonna get it all messed up that is a good category to be in.

Serendipitously I had rented and watched the Soloist and upon its ending I was crying. Again I identified with the character in the Movie, played by Robert Downey Jr's. I feel like my daily struggle is to be a kind person. I get impatient with my children and I am not as open and to strangers as I would like to be. I want to be able to be caring and acknowledge all people and think in my mind what a beautiful person they are. But I struggle. And as Robert Downey Jr's character struggled with Nathaniel (Jamie Foxx) I struggle. I walk away and I sit down and I try to go back and re-think things.

There was a theme in the movie which is "The best way you can help Nathaniel, (or a mentally ill person,) is to be their friend. That is the moment I started to cry. Because my Mother gave me the Honor of saying I was her Best Friend. Even though I have barely been there for her for the past few years. But that she knew since I am back, I will be there for her now. Thanks Mom.

The Soloist, Jamie Foxx, Robert Downey Jr.

I give it ***** 5 stars out of 5 for reasons personal to me.

The story of a opportunistic man facing his own struggles with his own meaning of life meeting someone who has a pure passion and mental illness. He learned to let go and just be his friend. One of the hardest lessons you can learn with a mentally ill person.