Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Pursuit of Happiness

Recently I found this journal type writing about my lowest point in Mexico - March 2009. One of those days where you are so desperate, so sad, desolate, and you act as if everyting is ok, because you have to. When your hope is beaten down and things keep getting worse when you thought it wasn't even possible for something else to happen. I did not write about these times when they happened, because, as I've said before I did not want to give them more power. But now I think back, and I thank god for what we have now. Thank you god.

Written May of 2009, referring to March of 2009,
I sat watching "The pursuit of happiness" on TV. On the commercials I read a book called "God Stories".

I had seen "The pursuit of happiness" back in January 2007. The first time I saw the movie it reminded me of my Father's life, minus the extravagent ending.

But this time, it was my life.

Will Smith in a shelter or sleeping in the Subway bathroom. I imagined Enrique and I walking to the church in Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico with no money to our name and barely any food. Though we owned a nice house that was all we had.
___________________________journal entry end.

(photos is from december 2008)

That day we walked to the church to beg god for help.

We walked to surrender to god

We walked because our hope was at its end

Enrique hadn't found a job

The house hadn't sold

And my health was bad

And we cried

And we prayed

and it worked because everything is great now. Just my husband is not with me.

I believe god gives us these glimpses. These little gifts so that you can behold what is precious in your life. So that you can appreciate the little things.

The streets were dusty and the air was hot. The children had almost reached that point where they stopped asking for stuff becuase they knew we could not buy it. We walked along those cobble stone roads and enterred into the ghetto area, where the church was. I remember Enrique was very stressed out. I went inside and I sat down at a plastic chair. I noticed the mural painting of Jesus on the wall. I noticed how a light shined out from his abdomen and encompassed everything, spreading wider. I imagined me doing that. Light shining out of my soul and reaching for blocks around.

The kids would not be quiet. Enrique couldn't handle it anymore and wen't outside. I found another statue in a back room and I walked in and I kneeled down on my knees. There were notes and rosaries and ribbons adorned onto the statues and saints and I stared at that statue of Jesus and I prayed for strength, and I prayed for patricia, my sister in law, and I prayed for love.

That was the day when my hope was its lowest. That was the times I didn't write the full truth on my blog. How could I?

Now I sit on my ohhh so confortable sectional, in my new apartment, typing on my new laptop, with my feet resting on the new carpet. Drinking bottled aquafina water. The children are asleep in their new Ikea bunk bed, with new mattresses.

It may sound foolish to speak of so many material things. But I am only saying it because of how truly appreciative i am to have these things, and a safe environment for my children, with food stocked up.

Thank you god.

PuertoVallarta girl in Portland