Saturday, September 19, 2009

Butterfly Effect

I know, because I have seen these crazy facets of myself, that my life could very well have went in many directions.

If I didn't get pregnant on my first term in college (which was a late start by the way) in 1991, I may be a professional composer or an attorney right now.

I know if my mom didn't have a nervous breakdown when I was little that I may be a drug addict from Southeast Portland. I say that because alot of people that were born and raised over there ended up getting involved in Meth heavily.

Or if I hadn't been lonely and really amorous after my seperation from my first Husband I may have never even gotten involved with a Mexican Man, and then later met my husband.

And when my father died, I drank way too much. I might have ended up a sad alcoholic, if I hadn't met my husband who didn't drink at the time and tamed me.

I don't know if it is true for everyone, or maybe it is like some people theorize that there is a blueprint for your life and you can make variations but you will always end up in the same place.

Maybe that is true, maybe there could never have been a Butterfly Effect. Maybe no matter what, I would have ended up at this same point of maturity and confidence that has drawn me to this exact same point where I am now ready and able to invest in me.

You know, I read on a friends blog about her desire to work and have a family at the same time. If you have embraced motherhood, as a mother you truly do sacrifice all of your own personal needs (at one point or another) either to survive or so that you can share in the magic years of your own babies childhood.

I am returning to school and I think one of the main reasons I am doing so is because my littlest one was accepted to the Headstart program.

I am very excited about these opportunities. I still have a 2 1/2 million dollar ocean front mansion designed in my mind.
Could it be that no matter what I would have ended up in the same place I am now? Or has everything I have experienced, and only these exact experiences brought me here to this exact spot, and one small deviation could have changed it all?

What do you think?

PS. Jimi is doing great. I'm still stressed about it but he is fine.

PuertoVallartaGirl in Portland