Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My new T-shirt - Someone in your family was an Immigrant

available at:

The Grouch and Eli - All in, My New motto

I love this song. I love the music, I love the message, I love the beat. I FREAKIN LOVE THIS.

The message is to be all in. If we are gonna be living this life we need to step up and do it all the way. Don't be scared and hide in the shadows, step up and be invested in our own lives.

I identify with this song, and I LOVE IT!

Vaccines and the Elderly?

Wow, I guess the Law of Attraction is working as usual because my very first decision to make as guardian for my Mother is to sign a consent form for the Inactiveated influenza Vaccine.

In the bottom of the pamphlet- page one, it says "Some inactivated influenza vaccine contains a preservative called thimerosal." (finally have the correct spelling yeah!) "Some people have suggested that thimerosal may be related to develpmental problems in children. In 2004 the Institue of Medicine reviewed many studies looking into this theory and concluded that there is no evidence of such a relationship. Thimerosal-free influenza vaccine is available. "

Then I did a search about mental illness and vaccines, and vaccines and the elderly. It came up with all sorts of terrible stuff. I was really into reading one article but when it got fanatical on me about the government trying to do genocide and reduce the propulation and actually said the work Satanic in it, I closed that window.

So finally I decided to go ahead and sign the consent but I wrote a note requesting the thimerosol free. It just might be safer for her. Since she has diabetes and as I understand it, she needs to get a flu shot.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Cost of living comparison - Portland, Puerto Vallarta, Albaro Obregon

Since I have lived in Puerto Vallarta and part time outside Morelia Michoacan, and then of course Portland Oregon I made up a basic cost of living spread sheet for each city. I thought people might be interested in this.
Make a comment if you have any questions. This is based on an income with No college education. And is approximate and based on my personal experience. This is not going to be 100% true for all of Mexico I can only speak from where I have been.

Click on this image to see it bigger.

Government awareness to Vaccination disabilities - And reinvestment act for mortgage assistance

Ok so I was searching for government grants/scholarships for college. I don't know about you but I keep seeing these internet ads that lead you to online colleges. The ads themselves say, "Obama wants moms to go back to school." Seen that?

Well I came accross this government website that is called and I decided to do this survey until it turned into a monster of a survey asking tons of personal information. Here is the part I think those vaccination watchers should know about:

86. Was your injury or illness caused by any of the following?(check all that apply)
__ Pneumoconiosis (Black lung disease)
__ Exposure to radiation, beryllium or silica while working with the Department of
__ Energy or its predecessor agencies, vendors, contractors, or subcontractors
__ Result of a vaccine
__ Terrorist-related aircraft crashes on September 11, 2001

Can you believe it, vaccines listed right up there with 9/11, black lung disease, radiation, or energy.. not sure what hte last one is. Wow can you believe it? Is it not obvious that something is wrong with the vaccination system in this country? Especially since they are pushing flu shots right now?

Today I was also searching for the reinvestment plan for refinancing that I had read about for my brother if you are interested in that here is some good information:

Monday, September 28, 2009

Saturday we hit the town

On Saturday night sister in law and I decided we would go out.

For months we have been planning to go out one night, get away from all the kids, play the machines, and have a drink. I just needed a babysitter on the same night when Patti was available. This last Saturday night was the night.

There was only one catch, once we were free and available and out of the house, kids safely at home and bathed and fed and in bed. My eldest in place to babysit, and her hubby with her kids... we get in the car and start to drive. ...... but where do we go? We really had NO idea.

That was a very awkward moment when we finally had the chance to go out but had no idea where to go. Luckily we decided to let the universe take us where ever it led us and we had a lot of fun.

First we went to a casual bar called "108 Bar N Grill" here in Portland at NE 108th and Halsey. Patti and I had been there one time a few years before. There was rock playing in the backround and a hip feeling about it. The bartenders and waitresses were probably barely 21 and I was taking notes on how to act like I'm in my early twenties (my master plan for school to blend in). Note to self: always twist a piece of hair in my fingers when I'm talking. So we got something to drink and wen't over to the machines. We both put in $5 dollars I was playing nickles and I got down to $2 dollars and then won a bunch. I cashed out with $36 dollars, I was so thrilled. I had just made the money to pay for the evening!

Then we were off to the next adventure. I really had NO idea where we should go, so Patti said she had heard about a mexican place on Columbia Blvd. We couldn't find what she was talking about but ended up going to a large country bar called "The Ponderosa" with live music and no cover. The band was great, they sang rock style country music, but my plan to let Patti observe the traditional country style dance, where pairs dance waltz around in a huge circle, didn't pan out. The customers were about 10-20 years older than we were and though it was nice we decided to move on.

We headed back towards where we started at a sports/dance bar at about 115th and NE Halsey. When we walked in we saw a blow up pool off to the side and tried to figure out what it was. Turns out it was set up for Jello Wrestling. That was fun to watch though we stayed back to avoid flying Jello. We did dance together for one dance to that popular song that goes "un dos tres cuatro, I know you want me, you know I want you".

Next we headed over to "Fandango" at 122nd and SE Stark. That place had live Mexican Music downstairs and we heard that it had good music upstairs too. They searched us then we walked in and I guess right past the desk where you pay a cover charge... whoops...? We were standing there looking at like 200 dancing couples and hundreds more people sitting down. And then a lady a approached to see our hand stamp. Since it was 1:45am by then we didn't want to pay a $5 cover to get in so we ended the night at the taco stand out front.

It was a fun night. I really enjoyed. it.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Surviving Vaccinations MMR and Varicella - follow up to incident

Here is Jimi at a follow-up doctors appointment (yes I purposefully did his hair like that) on Friday to the incident that happened a little over a week ago. Story Available at:

The only way I talked him into going to the doctor again amidst many "No Mommy (crying) No doctor, I doan wanna go to the doctor" was to let him know that we were going to the doctor to talk about him never having to have another shot again.

Obviously I have been FREAKED out by what happened. He recovered much faster than I did. I am just now approaching ok. He's been perfectly fine for nearly a week. Other than an increase (or initiation) in temper tantrums that I suspect is a normal stage in development since he is just starting school, and being separated from me (and Daddy) for hours at time.

So I had been tossing around in my mind that I wanted to call his doctor and talk to her about the shots. But before I got around to it, I got a call from his doctors office saying they wanted me to bring him in for a follow-up.

I like his doctor a lot, she is probably younger than me, very professional, kind, and assuring. She came in and asked me to describe what happened in my own words. I was a little scattered but I got through it. I concluded with "That is why, I want to opt him out of future vaccinations!"

She said that being a mother herself she can easily understand my upset and attitude but that we should talk about 3 issues.
  1. This could have been a " Vasovagal " seizure that happens when children hold their breath and is very common and not serious.
  2. This doesn't appear to be a side effect of the shot because the symptoms he experienced came on very quickly when normally these types of effects would take several hours to appear also it is supposed to happen in 1 in 300,000 people.
  3. It could be he was experiencing an allergic reaction.
She assured me that the vomiting is what makes it seem like it is possible that he had an allergic reaction and that since it is a possibility, rather than risk it, she will now mark his medical chart allergies as being allergic to the MMR and Varicella (chicken pox) vaccines.
She also said that these 2 vaccinations are "Live" vaccinations and that the other vaccinations that are required, or the boosters are not "Live" vaccinations. She recommends that I continue to give the boosters that are required and that there is no reason to think he will have the same reaction.
I asked about the Mercury, or it is called something like Therimisol (sp?) I really should get off my ass and look up the correct spelling for that, but I'm just going to keep typing (sp?) as if it forgives me for misspelling. She said that it was not present in these shots. I should have asked for the handout...why don't they give out the handouts anymore? However, she did say the flu shots are the shots that have Therimisol in it (sp?) interesting isn't it, when the government is pushing it so hard right now for everyone to get flu shots.
Last and way off subject but on this whole spelling bit, how come no one told me I spelled 'traveling' wrong on my blog title? My blog spell checker was not working on my other 2 computers and I finally figured it out myself. I wonder how many readers I lost because of bad spelling?
Everything seems fine with Jimi now and I am going to have to accept what his doctor said. As far as the future shots, I will deal with that when it comes up but I WILL DO RESEARCH BEFORE he gets them. And I WILL ASK FOR THE PAMPHLET AND READ IT BEFORE he gets it.
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Westpoint Anyone?

So my little tiny baby. 5lbs 12 oz when he was born 1 month early, (now 6 foot tall and 17) is a Senior in High School he is taking all the Honors classes and is an exceptional student, and has even been invited to be flown out to West Point for a visit.
I don't like the idea of my baby going into the military, especialy for a 5 year minimum military committment (sentence). But he would be able to go to school for free. I was wondering, does anyone have any comments? Yea Nea good points negative points about West point?

He wants to be a computer engineer, and also help the environment.


My own little practical joke - Tshirt reading

This Probably isn't funny to anyone but me. I always get a huge kick out of doing this: I walk up to random people, look them in the eyes and say to them (what ever I just happened to read on their shirt), I say it as if I am speaking to them without looking at their shirt. Most ofthe time they just look at me and say....... "huh?" They usually have no idea I just read their own shirt to them.

Anyway, on my store I'm going to (have not done it yet) add a shirt that says, " Read my shirt outloud to me to see if I know what you are talking about.

Why is that so incredibly funny to me?

I am a self proclaimed dork, and proud of it.

The Soloist and My life, My mother

Today was a good day. I had some legal issues to work out in regards to decision making about my Mother. My Brother and I went Downtown to meet with an Attorney who works for the Hospital where my Mother resides.

This is a Terrible photo of my mother, taken in the Spring. My Mother has always been a very beautiful Woman and you cannot see it in this photo.

After I returned from my appointment with my brother we went for a visit to see my Mother. And later June and I went to exchange a movie at the Blockbuster. My choice was "The Soloist"

When I left to Mexico 2 1/2 years ago I worried deeply about my Mother. She was in the State Hospital almost non-stop for the past 10 years. I had developed a schedule of visiting her once every few weeks and I would take her to lunch and buy her cosmetics or new clothes. When I talked to her while I was in Mexico she begged me to help her and spoke of her delusions and how dangerous it was there. It was the same delusions that she had been having for years and I really couldn't do anything for her. When I came back to visit January 2008 I visited her and she was the same. But when I came back this spring to see her she was different. In the year and 1/2 since I had seen her she had aged 10 years. I cried the moment I saw her. I felt like I had failed her.

Her smooth skin was lined and she looked in really bad shape. She had lost so much weight and she seemed very fragile and distorted. I held her with her lipstick all over her face and her exaggerated eye shadow and we cried. She was busy at the time and wasn't able to visit for long. I took her out to eat a few times after that. Then I had to go back to Mexico for the Appointment. I've been back about 4 weeks now and I have been so busy I had not had a chance to go visit her. So today we went down there.

At first she came in with these girlish pig tails and I asked her if I could fix her hair. I put her hair in a pony tail. I spoke to her of all the things that were going on, trying to keep the conversation moving so she doesn't try to fill the space with her delusions. She was still going on and on about various delusion when I must have said I am her daughter, about something. And she stopped me and said, "Heather, your NOT my daughter" I was prepared for this, she often tries to say I am not her daughter. But then she said the most wonderful thing, "You are my best friend." I thought that was so sweet and I hugged her and smiled. Hey if your gonna get it all messed up that is a good category to be in.

Serendipitously I had rented and watched the Soloist and upon its ending I was crying. Again I identified with the character in the Movie, played by Robert Downey Jr's. I feel like my daily struggle is to be a kind person. I get impatient with my children and I am not as open and to strangers as I would like to be. I want to be able to be caring and acknowledge all people and think in my mind what a beautiful person they are. But I struggle. And as Robert Downey Jr's character struggled with Nathaniel (Jamie Foxx) I struggle. I walk away and I sit down and I try to go back and re-think things.

There was a theme in the movie which is "The best way you can help Nathaniel, (or a mentally ill person,) is to be their friend. That is the moment I started to cry. Because my Mother gave me the Honor of saying I was her Best Friend. Even though I have barely been there for her for the past few years. But that she knew since I am back, I will be there for her now. Thanks Mom.

The Soloist, Jamie Foxx, Robert Downey Jr.

I give it ***** 5 stars out of 5 for reasons personal to me.

The story of a opportunistic man facing his own struggles with his own meaning of life meeting someone who has a pure passion and mental illness. He learned to let go and just be his friend. One of the hardest lessons you can learn with a mentally ill person.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I love my future new career - Movies

Now I get to watch movies and read entertainment magazines and I can call it research for my new career. I joined blockbuster online again. This is helpful since I am way behind on the movie scene, having been in Mexico for just over 2 years. So far I've seen:

5 star scale

Grand Canyon with Danny Glover, Kevin Kline, and Steve Martin. 1991

* * * I give it 3 stars

Its an average story about regular people in LA and how their lives interconnect. It had a little infidelity, a little spiritual theme, but the main theme really did not jump out at me. Some of the people in the story are in the movie business. Steve Martin's part was a very rich producer that self proclaimed he actually did all the real director work on his movies. He was then asked "Then why do you hire the Directors?", and he answers because he doesn't want to stand around for hours doing lighting. I found that part interesting. Each actor did a good job in their own acting but I felt like the way the movie was put together could have been better. And the music was missing, I cannot even recall if there was music. It just didn't have that magic, that all of those actors are known for and it felt empty.

25th Hour, Edward Norton, 2002

* * * I give it 3 stars

I barely made it through this movie. I think it could have been because I figured out I actually had seen it before. It gets intense but you always feel like you are waiting for something more. It left me wanting.

Intimate Stories, Foreign Film from South America in Spanish subtitled in English.
* * * * I give it 4 stars
This film was much more interesting than the other 2 I just watched. It was based on Normal life in (wherever that was) sort of looked like Michoacan Mexico to me. Subtitled in English I could understand most of what they were saying but still read the subtitles. I think that gives a deeper meaning to me when I hear one language and read another. Also I catch a lot of bad subtitles that way. Like at one part a lady was saying bow, and they wrote bun. "I can put a bun on the top of the box for you." Hmmm? Anyway, Since I have just come from living in Mexico the culture all felt very familiar to me. The Grandpa sort of ran away to look for his long lost dog and was eluding his son who treats him bad. The young mother was going on a gameshow. And a traveling salesman who has some great philosophies that seemed to prove themselves in all 3 of their stories. There was nothing tragic in the movie. But at the end I had chills and I can't even explain why. Maybe it was because I felt like I really knew them. Like I understood who they were. I've heard that character development is key to good writing. And it really is true isn't it?
I often explain my feelings and experiences in movie terms. For example how I feel about my husband, Jerry Maguire "My whole life is this family and it doesn't work without him".
The 2 main things that give me shots of inspiration where I actually feel intoxicated from it are Movies and Music.
More movies on the way.
Puertovallarta girl in Portland

Monday, September 21, 2009

Immunizations - do some research if you have young children

Right now vaccines are a very hot topic, especially since it is flu season. I've heard a lot about it and even found that there is a Thermosol free immunization available (ask your doctor). But I am scared by reading the below links a friend just sent to me. Especially with what happened Friday.

If you have children of immunization age, I would seriously research it before you get anymore.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

2 new words Spanish and English never to say until you understand them

Here are 2 words or combinations that do not translate back and forth from english to Spanish or from Spanish to English even though they seem the same.

#1) Miserable - English this can be mild and not really mean anything. For example you say, "Wow whats wrong with grandma she looks miserable sitting on the patio" It doesn't really have to mean anything serious.

But in Spanish: evidently and I am still not exactly sure what it means but it is offensive. If you say "Parece Miserable" you are saying they look in really bad shape and well, again I don't know, but don't say it unless you intend to offend.

#2) Character debil - spanish, evidently this means 'sensitive' in Spanish. And does not have to imply all the things that it implies in English. It can be used to describe a child I guess, because my sister in law said it about Jimi, and I immediately took offense but they tried to explain to me that it does not mean anything negative. I just could not shake that feeling off that she said "Weak Character" About my baby, and thought that was very mean. But my husband assured me that it doesn't have to be an insult of any kind. (though he is a terrible translator so if anyone knows better please comment)

Weak Character - English, implies a multitude of psychological implications all negative. And should never be something you would refer to a child about. It can imply someone who cannot make their own decisions and leach off other people. It can imply that someone is a liar or a theif. It can described someone who is lost. Or it can just imply someone who is boring and not much of anything.

I tried to tell my sister in law, she shouldn't use that word to a native english speaker who doesn't understand Spanish 100% fluently because it is very offensive. Though she did say it in Spanish, I still had a hard time hearing anything after that. I am fine now though of course.

Since I had my own faux pau (spelling?) when I said my in laws looked very miserable last year. I always get a dirty look from my suegra when I say that, lol.

Buenas Noches,

PuertoVallartaGirl in Portland

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Butterfly Effect

I know, because I have seen these crazy facets of myself, that my life could very well have went in many directions.

If I didn't get pregnant on my first term in college (which was a late start by the way) in 1991, I may be a professional composer or an attorney right now.

I know if my mom didn't have a nervous breakdown when I was little that I may be a drug addict from Southeast Portland. I say that because alot of people that were born and raised over there ended up getting involved in Meth heavily.

Or if I hadn't been lonely and really amorous after my seperation from my first Husband I may have never even gotten involved with a Mexican Man, and then later met my husband.

And when my father died, I drank way too much. I might have ended up a sad alcoholic, if I hadn't met my husband who didn't drink at the time and tamed me.

I don't know if it is true for everyone, or maybe it is like some people theorize that there is a blueprint for your life and you can make variations but you will always end up in the same place.

Maybe that is true, maybe there could never have been a Butterfly Effect. Maybe no matter what, I would have ended up at this same point of maturity and confidence that has drawn me to this exact same point where I am now ready and able to invest in me.

You know, I read on a friends blog about her desire to work and have a family at the same time. If you have embraced motherhood, as a mother you truly do sacrifice all of your own personal needs (at one point or another) either to survive or so that you can share in the magic years of your own babies childhood.

I am returning to school and I think one of the main reasons I am doing so is because my littlest one was accepted to the Headstart program.

I am very excited about these opportunities. I still have a 2 1/2 million dollar ocean front mansion designed in my mind.
Could it be that no matter what I would have ended up in the same place I am now? Or has everything I have experienced, and only these exact experiences brought me here to this exact spot, and one small deviation could have changed it all?

What do you think?

PS. Jimi is doing great. I'm still stressed about it but he is fine.

PuertoVallartaGirl in Portland

Friday, September 18, 2009

Today was a scare

Tonight as I sit here in my cozy spot. The refridgerator buzzes and my daughter just finished playing wedding dash on the laptop, though I feel as if I really should have punished her for pouring out the entire bottles of shampoo and conditioner into the bath. I mean she IS 6 years old. But I let it go. I'm spent and a little sad, and some emotion I just cannot put my finger on.

Jimi is supposed to start Head start on Monday. And well, somehow with the move to Mexico and then back again he has missed some shots. I honestly thought he was up-to-date. But Headstart said he wasn't and so I finally broke down and called the clinic. I called for 2 reasons I called to ask them to set an appointment to check my blood pressure and also to check into whether or not he is up to date on his shots.

There we were in the doctors office for my appointment at 2pm. There were 2 children there that didn't want to share the toy that was there so I was distracting Jimi by pointing at the Max trains that go by. I must say, Jimi is THE sweetest child. He is my sweetest child of 3. He is a little more passive and a little more sensitive but VERY VERY sweet.

So they let me know that they plan to give him some of the shots he was missing at the same time they check my blood pressure.

Ok. that sounds good.

So we go into the room. And she says she wants to do his shots first. And I explain that last time he had his shots he was traumatized. He is this sweet calm baby and the last nurse back in May was like, tie him down they are strong wild animals. I mean she didnt' say it exactly like that but that is what it meant. So the last time he had shots the hurse held him down forcefully and stabbed his legs forcefully. Needless to say he was traumatized by that because up until then he had been looking forward to his doctors appt.

Today once I told him he had to get shots he cried and said, "No shots mommy, I don't want any shots."

Well, at shot time.. he started to cry and was screaming he didn't want it. I felt really sad, but figured it would be over in a minute. And it was. And the nurse gave him 2 stickers, a spiderman sticker and a cars sticker. The shots were in his leg and so I put his pants back on and he seemed happy. He stood on that drawer step that is at the bottom of the doctor office examination bed, and looked at his stickers. He was fine... for a bit.

The nurse proceeded to take my blood pressure, more than once and she let me know it was elevated. I started saying "of course its elevated that was sort of stressful, to see my baby crying". And then she was about to say something when Jimi just slumped over and fell flat on his face on the ground.

And he didn't cry and he didn't move, I picked him up and his eyes rolled back in his head in a weird way and he had a small seizure. and the )(*)#)(*A#$849384099834 nurses and medical assistants didn't do anything. I was in a freaking)*)(*#W&^*&A$A#($*&*A#$(**& doctors office!!!!!!!!!

As I pound those exclamation points. I realize they have no magic wand. But still, I just expected something else. there is always that joke if you get hurt - to get hurt IN a doctors office, but I tell you it is not so general, if you want to get hurt you must do it in an emergency room, I guess!

So I'm holding him and he wasn't coherent. And then he started puking!! and by then a Nurse came in and then the Medical Assistant and the Nurse just stared at him observing him, they didn't like check his pulse or do something, I don't know what they should have done but, what ever, there should have been something you would think!!!! move him examine him... I don't know? They just stood there going... "hmmm, well,""" hmmm"

So the Medical Assistant was like do you want him to go to the hospital I said yes, ... though I was a little confused they weren't doing anything. Being that it was a doctors office. A large doctors office.

Shortly after the fire men came and the nurses tell them about what happened. By then Jimi was opening his eyes, but a little but lethargic. Then the Paramedics come and he was doing better and acting normal, well as normal as expected under the circumstances for a calm and quiet 3 year old.

So we went in the ambulance to Emmanuel Hospital and he seemed to do better. And then in the hospital he was doing better and better by the minute. He watched cartoons in his private room and the doctor said they would do the Popcycle test and he laughed... and he ate a purple popcycle which oddly enough made him look more sick. Though he was doing much better.

The doctor discussed the possible causes, it is either the trauma from the stress of the shots and the pain caused him to faint and then puke. Or the fall and gash on his eye was a concussion but that he seemed to be doing well and to just wake him every 4 hours.

I was doing fine and feeling fine but the closer I got to home the more spent and sad I felt.

Now we are home and Idon't know, that really scared the freakin you know what outta me.

My sweet precious baby.

Pray for him please that everything will be fine.

Thank you,
God bless, Hold your babies tight, and give them luvies.

PuertoVallartaGirl in Portland

I've always wanted a mentor

Last night at the film exhibition I was sitting there surrounded by strangers with a slight buzz from the 2 glasses of crappy wine, and suddenly I had an epiphany.

  • If I want to get a message out, about what ever I am advocating for, be it immigration, spirituality, or what ever, no better way to do it than by film and/or television. Film School is the perfect natural step for me in my creative and spiritual quest.
With that thought I sat there feeling very satisfied and at the right place.

The best part is it looks like I may be able to get a mentor who is a veteran in the biz..... thanks to OMP (Oregon Media Productions) an organization that I joined just last night.

I've always wanted a mentor!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I almost can't believe I'm finally doing it!

Here I am in the 7th row at the Hollywood Theater. Which is holding the event for the Summer Term Graduates of the Art Institue of Portland Digital Film and Video Film Exhibition.

In 4 years this will be my exhibition. I'm surrounded by aspiring movie students, their families and people who are in the biz.

Just being here is inspiring for me.

Even though I am surrounded by strangers everyone is happy and laughing and obnoxious and having fun. I feel very comfortable in that sort of atmosphere. I like it when everyone is complete dorks, like me.

I saw the films and I really enjoyed them. Some of the exhibitions were very short, like 1 minute and others were longer and were Music Videos or short films. I would like to do a Music Video and do a film short. Well to tell you the truth I am hoping by then I will have done several film shorts.

I just cannot believe that I am finally pursuing my dream. I only need my husband here with me to support me emotionally and with the children. But I have faith it will all work out soon.

Wish me luck for following my dream,


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Faith and Immigration - poem

Every day holding on,
Looking up,
At the brite side,
Sitting close,
Hugging babies,
Noticing their small hands,
When their personalities are so big,
Laughing at their funny sayings,
Watching them be mirrors of my words and my actions,
Makes me think twice about how I act.

Husbands sad, cheer up Amor!
Can't dwell,
Can't linger,
Have to move on,
Have to keep going,
Have to be driven,
Can't stop being driven.

We must decide what we want and do it.

We must follow our hearts!

We must trust in god!

There is no other choice.

There is only one,
Because without that,
there is nothing.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Pursuit of Happiness

Recently I found this journal type writing about my lowest point in Mexico - March 2009. One of those days where you are so desperate, so sad, desolate, and you act as if everyting is ok, because you have to. When your hope is beaten down and things keep getting worse when you thought it wasn't even possible for something else to happen. I did not write about these times when they happened, because, as I've said before I did not want to give them more power. But now I think back, and I thank god for what we have now. Thank you god.

Written May of 2009, referring to March of 2009,
I sat watching "The pursuit of happiness" on TV. On the commercials I read a book called "God Stories".

I had seen "The pursuit of happiness" back in January 2007. The first time I saw the movie it reminded me of my Father's life, minus the extravagent ending.

But this time, it was my life.

Will Smith in a shelter or sleeping in the Subway bathroom. I imagined Enrique and I walking to the church in Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico with no money to our name and barely any food. Though we owned a nice house that was all we had.
___________________________journal entry end.

(photos is from december 2008)

That day we walked to the church to beg god for help.

We walked to surrender to god

We walked because our hope was at its end

Enrique hadn't found a job

The house hadn't sold

And my health was bad

And we cried

And we prayed

and it worked because everything is great now. Just my husband is not with me.

I believe god gives us these glimpses. These little gifts so that you can behold what is precious in your life. So that you can appreciate the little things.

The streets were dusty and the air was hot. The children had almost reached that point where they stopped asking for stuff becuase they knew we could not buy it. We walked along those cobble stone roads and enterred into the ghetto area, where the church was. I remember Enrique was very stressed out. I went inside and I sat down at a plastic chair. I noticed the mural painting of Jesus on the wall. I noticed how a light shined out from his abdomen and encompassed everything, spreading wider. I imagined me doing that. Light shining out of my soul and reaching for blocks around.

The kids would not be quiet. Enrique couldn't handle it anymore and wen't outside. I found another statue in a back room and I walked in and I kneeled down on my knees. There were notes and rosaries and ribbons adorned onto the statues and saints and I stared at that statue of Jesus and I prayed for strength, and I prayed for patricia, my sister in law, and I prayed for love.

That was the day when my hope was its lowest. That was the times I didn't write the full truth on my blog. How could I?

Now I sit on my ohhh so confortable sectional, in my new apartment, typing on my new laptop, with my feet resting on the new carpet. Drinking bottled aquafina water. The children are asleep in their new Ikea bunk bed, with new mattresses.

It may sound foolish to speak of so many material things. But I am only saying it because of how truly appreciative i am to have these things, and a safe environment for my children, with food stocked up.

Thank you god.

PuertoVallarta girl in Portland

My ass hurts, legs going numb, but good news on the horizon

Well, why not just be honest. I've been sitting in this wooden chair for probably 4 hours dinking around with the images for the blog. I sit in the dark apartment light coming off of the laptop, legs dangling in the bar stool type chair and the only sound to be heard is my typing and the gentle hum of the laptop. Its 1:03 am.

Now I have been in my apartment for a week and a half. My children were complete angels for the first week and now I believe they do not feel well. Or the spell ran off because after a week they went back to their trouble making state. I've spent the last few weeks, or first few weeks back in Portland shopping and shopping and buying stuff and furnishing the apartment and eating... and now.... that things have calmed down a bit, I actually read the Sunday Oregonian. Thank you god.

Miss my husband. The good news is... the changes to the immigration laws that we need are (I've been told from the head of the website) being included in the immigration bill which will be proposed shortly.

I have faith that all will work out. Faith is the one thing we all must keep no matter what, and I am proud to say that I still have it.

God bless,
PuertoVallartaGirl in Portland