Monday, August 3, 2009

I know why kids act out. After all I have a 17 year old.

Look at that face...She looks so sweet and well she is, sometimes. But could anyone guess that she was just hitting me repeatedly on my arm because she was demanding her movie.
(June and Daddy pictured left in our room in the Pueblo outside of Morelia, Michoacan)

Here we are again in the car waiting for Daddy to complete his business in the bank. She asked me if her nose was bleeding. I turned around and sure enough you could see blood inside her nose. But the reason is because she is picking it for entertainment OR NERVOUSNESS??. When I said, "No haces grosseros" which may or may not be correct spanish for don't do gross stuff. She responded by smiling a big rebellent satisfied smile. So I reached down without a word and turned off her Movie. We have a PS2 machine installed in the truck with a screen in the dash and Legally Blonde 2 was about to start.
Well this all turned into her screaming and kicking and pounding and HITTING MY arm. But I kept my cool. I didn't let it get to me. Though it did hurt. I tried to sympathize with her and use various techniques that I have read about in numerous books through the years.
I mean the truth is I know why my kids act up.
  • Sometimes it is because they are tired, or sick, or frustrtated
  • Sometimes it is for attention because the parents don't give enough attention for good behavior.
I mean let's be honest here! Who wouldn't be tired, frustrated, and upset when you have to be moved from country to country back and forth. Part time separated from your father who has always been in your life every day up until then.
Right now I am participating in the Triple P parenting system. It is out of Australia and I saw a advertisement for it while I was in Portland. It said, "Do you have a 3 to 6 year old with Behavioral Problems? Get paid to participate in our study." I really needed money at the time and more importantly I needed some new ideas for dealing with my daughter. So far we have only watched the first 2 videos but I like the concepts so far. Though e is prone to spanking. That is why I am trying to get him to follow the same concepts with me, but how can we when we are separated by 3000 miles.
Has anyone even done a study on how immigration affects the children. Obviously the children that end up in public custody because both of their parents are deported will be scarred for life and untrusting and that is a higher priority than us. But this is still a problem, what about the American Citizens who's children have one of their parents ripped from their life, because, the parent crossed an imaginary line to find work or be close to their family. Does anyone even realize that this has traumatized our children too? What are we doing to our future generations?
Constantly moving back and forth, going to school in Mexico, going to school in Portland. I mean 2 different cultures. Sure I'm making these decisions to do this but just like my friend amanda said, we always have a choice, sometimes we may not like our choices but we always have a choice. I chose to try to unite my family when I can, but I just can't survive in Mexico anymore. But sure my children are stressed out.
She's acting out cause Daddy is heartbroken, Daddy is stressed and we've already started talking about how we have to leave Daddy in mexico in 3 weeks.
June Hysterically crying, "But I don't want to be apart from daddyyyy".
Me, "But do you want to live in Mexico?"
June, "No."
Poor baby 6 years old and faced with that. Yeah, I'd act out too.