So about a month ago I began reading "The Course in Miracles" and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that being open minded and being judgemental are 2 separate things. And in my mind I thought that I was not judgemental. But I now know that snap opinions are the same thing as being judgemental. And all of these ideas are centered around the ego.
So... I had written in my blog that ... basically.. against my hearts desire.. I wanted to return to Morelia, where I was traumatized by the ancient funeral process of my father in law... But I didn't want to be apart from my husband so I was saying and praying that I wanted to sell our house so we could go to Morelia. But deep down what I really wanted was to go back to Portland.
Basically I was asking god for something I didn't really want.
Finally after another health issue and time basically holding still in Puerto Vallarta for several months, feeling helpless and not able to take care of my family... I decided I wanted to go back to Portland.
What is interesting is the minute I committed myself to the idea of going back to Portland- which was my true hearts desire, the entire universe opened up and collapsed.
- Sunday April 5th Decided in my mind I definitely want to go back.
- Monday Sister in law deposits 1000 dollars into our bank account as a loan. My sister in law rarely has any extra money
- Same day: I borrow the neighbors computer and buy plane tickets. A lowest price shows up $177 per person. 2 days away - other prices are as high as 500 per person one way on short notice
- I fly back April 8th... Exactly 2 years to the day that I entered Mexico.
- By Thursday Morning within 12 hours from our arrival in Portland, I enrolled June in Kindergarten, she got free school lunches.
- Same Morning - I went to the Welfare office, got Foodstamps, health insurance and dental for all 3 of us, and Cash Assistance.
In 4 days... my whole life went from suffering and struggling to abundance.. Just because I am American.
I think Every single American should spend 1 year in a 3rd world country. Just so you can appreciate how lucky we are.
And the main message of this post is... I've learned... Sometimes we want to put our energy into something we SHOULD DO, but deep down we really want something else. And we don't understand why god or the universe or the higher power doesn't give us what we want.
I truly believe... that your heart and your mind have to be united. If you are honest with yourself of what your heart wants. God or the universe, or the higher power, WILL GIVE YOU what ever you want.. You think you can fool yourself, you think you can fool god, because you should do something. But you can't.
If time is holding still for you... think about that... It's taking that step in faith. Even if you can't see where it will take you, letting go and taking the step in Faith.
I believe that Enrique will be back in a few months. I have no other choice to believe anything else. I CANNOT AFFORD TO THINK ABOUT ANY ALTERNATIVES. IT WILL BE SO.
I KNOW BECAUSE OF THIS:
- God is Joy
- GOD = Bliss
- The thing that would make Enrique , the children and I the most joyful would be for Enrique to come back legally.
- Therefore it is gods will.
- Therefore it is so.
What is your joy?
The opposite of Fatigue is Inspiration. What is your inspiration?
Love and blessings to your hearts desire.