Monday, April 27, 2009
Being that I arrived here in Portland with only Puerto Vallarta Clothing to wear and basically no money, I have been relying on different agencies etc. to help me get back on my feet.
It is weird because I've never found myself in the position where I am now. Being basically homeless, and no furniture, no car, as well as no warm clothes.
However, I am thankful to be back.
Back to today... I had on my brand new shoes... High heeled shoes that were almost like the bottom portion of a boot. I got them from this place called helping hands. And I was wearing a cheap polyester suit that I had bought in Puerto Vallarta when I worked at the Belaire rip off resort for 1 week.
Anyway, so I also had on this really sheik jacket that was double breasted that I got from the helping hands. I was walking down the street and I saw a very fashionable and elegant $75 dollar hair cut type lady and she had on almost the exact same pair of shoes as I did. Also the jacket which I thought was way too small for me buttoned up.
So I saw my reflection in the mirrored building and it reminded me of all my years of working in downtown Portland and the whole mindset. So I texted E back and said I am in a whole different world.
Just 3 weeks ago I was in Puerto Vallarta, with the cobble stone streets that always have sand and tons of dust on them. I stayed inside the house for days at a time. Because there was no money and I don't know why......?
In Mexico people throw garbage everywhere, here it is so clean. There we couldn't get our basic needs met. And here I am in the land of the free. and ..... well I am so thank full to be American.
I have a WIC appointment for Jimi Tomorrow. June is the "Special person of the week" in her kindergarten class this week, and I have a doctor appointment Wednesday to figure out why even with my very strong Hypertension medicine my blood pressure keeps elevating.
But I'm not scared here.
In Mexico when my blood pressure would escalate i was scared. and I'll tell you why.
When you don't have money in Mexico and you don't have insurance you cannot go to the hospital. They won't accept you without a deposit. And I know here in the US, even if I didn't somehow get health insurance through the state, which was a miracle in itself, if something happened an ambulance would come and they would try to save my life.
But not in Mexico. That was the scariest thing. To see myself get sicker in a foreign country and worry that I would die because I had less than $10 to my name. (excluding the house we own free and clear in Mexico - but as of yet have not sold) Once it sells everything will go back to normal I am sure. (feel free to pray for that for me, thanks)
Now food is taken care of, clothing is available to me, health insurance is taken care of, and a small amount of money to buy personal items. All I need is housing. But first a job.
My only real problem so far is ... my nephew that was born on the same day as my son, same hospital, one hour earlier, is rambunctious and is prone to hit at any given moment, often with objects in his hand. My sweet baby Jimi is getting beaten up.
Jimi sometimes provokes it a little bit by saying a toy is his, or by trying to tell his cousin what to do and what not to do. But that has been my biggest concern. This has concerned me very much and is definitley motivating me to get our own place ASAP. Because that is the plan anyway. And we do need our own place.
Plus my dear friend has asked me to go camping with her next weekend in her 30 foot trailer to the the Oregon Coast.
So doing good, free computer use with Internet at the library, and at Mount Hood community college (small campus location) both very close to my sister in laws apartment.
things are good!
But downtown and the shiny buildings and artsy people fabulous bars and great restaurants is like opposite ends of the planet compared to my Mother in laws house.
For me I like it somewhere in the middle.
Down to earth.
But again I am thankfull to be back. and talk to my husband daily. He is very lonely without us. I miss him.
god Bless you and yours!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Well, it has now been 2 weeks. I'm getting things lined up. Been staying at my sister in laws, my angel. And I love her so so so much. Just... well we are driving her crazy.
Do you know what I love about Portland....? You can find all sorts of free stuff. Like already I've been to several fairs and stuff. Last night we went to local community center I've gotten free car seats and today free pony rides. Last night a free chinese/thai dinner, free raffle.
Right at this moment I am at my son's house, which happens to be my exhusbands apartment. And I am borrowing their computer for a bit.
Soon, I will be back to Normal with a job, computer, and internet at home. And my love will come home to me.
But as far as the nitty gritty... have to leave that out... its all about preschoolers fighting and too many people in a 2 bedroom apartment. I'm fine, but I guess my sister in law is stressing out a lot.
So that's all for now.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
So about a month ago I began reading "The Course in Miracles" and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that being open minded and being judgemental are 2 separate things. And in my mind I thought that I was not judgemental. But I now know that snap opinions are the same thing as being judgemental. And all of these ideas are centered around the ego.
So... I had written in my blog that ... basically.. against my hearts desire.. I wanted to return to Morelia, where I was traumatized by the ancient funeral process of my father in law... But I didn't want to be apart from my husband so I was saying and praying that I wanted to sell our house so we could go to Morelia. But deep down what I really wanted was to go back to Portland.
Basically I was asking god for something I didn't really want.
Finally after another health issue and time basically holding still in Puerto Vallarta for several months, feeling helpless and not able to take care of my family... I decided I wanted to go back to Portland.
What is interesting is the minute I committed myself to the idea of going back to Portland- which was my true hearts desire, the entire universe opened up and collapsed.
- Sunday April 5th Decided in my mind I definitely want to go back.
- Monday Sister in law deposits 1000 dollars into our bank account as a loan. My sister in law rarely has any extra money
- Same day: I borrow the neighbors computer and buy plane tickets. A lowest price shows up $177 per person. 2 days away - other prices are as high as 500 per person one way on short notice
- I fly back April 8th... Exactly 2 years to the day that I entered Mexico.
- By Thursday Morning within 12 hours from our arrival in Portland, I enrolled June in Kindergarten, she got free school lunches.
- Same Morning - I went to the Welfare office, got Foodstamps, health insurance and dental for all 3 of us, and Cash Assistance.
In 4 days... my whole life went from suffering and struggling to abundance.. Just because I am American.
I think Every single American should spend 1 year in a 3rd world country. Just so you can appreciate how lucky we are.
And the main message of this post is... I've learned... Sometimes we want to put our energy into something we SHOULD DO, but deep down we really want something else. And we don't understand why god or the universe or the higher power doesn't give us what we want.
I truly believe... that your heart and your mind have to be united. If you are honest with yourself of what your heart wants. God or the universe, or the higher power, WILL GIVE YOU what ever you want.. You think you can fool yourself, you think you can fool god, because you should do something. But you can't.
If time is holding still for you... think about that... It's taking that step in faith. Even if you can't see where it will take you, letting go and taking the step in Faith.
I believe that Enrique will be back in a few months. I have no other choice to believe anything else. I CANNOT AFFORD TO THINK ABOUT ANY ALTERNATIVES. IT WILL BE SO.
I KNOW BECAUSE OF THIS:
- God is Joy
- GOD = Bliss
- The thing that would make Enrique , the children and I the most joyful would be for Enrique to come back legally.
- Therefore it is gods will.
- Therefore it is so.
What is your joy?
The opposite of Fatigue is Inspiration. What is your inspiration?
Love and blessings to your hearts desire.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
here means... no money = no food, no medical, no school, no help of any kind. Especially if you are an American.
There even if I took a lower level job than normal I would have access to many benefits and ways to help my family. As well if I have a heart attack I will be treated. Hereif you dont' have money you dont' get treated.
We still don't know when our immigration appt is. My computer still doesn't work. We are making it but barely. E is a welders assitant make 1250 pesos per week, thats like 90 dollars a week, 6 days a week, 9 hours a day. But he does get a 1hour break. He was doing his own busines but people weren't paying.. and he was stressing. It's just not enough money to survive here. I have to care for the children.
Over are the party days of November and before. Here in mexico when the money is gone its gone. the only way you can be sucessfull here in Mexico I think is to have your own business. That way you can surive well. That is if you business does well. It must be a well thought out business, well planned way in advance. Because the ways of doing business and restrictions are much different here. But if you plan correctly and figure it out, you can be sucessful in Mexico. There are quite a few well to do mexican business owners.
Or live on US or canadian money here. for 1 person you could live on 1000 dollars a month. Not fancy but ok. For a family of four I would say you could live for 3000 dollars a month here pretty well. That would all depend on your housing. The housing makes all the difference. But you can go on day cruises and live like you are on vacation, go out to eat, and have cable an internet in your home and buy what you need. But for like 400 dollars a month you just cant eat or pay medicine.
ok. gotta go my internet cafe time is up. sorry for typos or what ever.
Puerto Vallarta girl.
I am constantly letting those knaa knaa knaa go on in my mind. It is so weird. When I am monitoring my thoughts I think ... good thoughts. But I must have 100,000 thoughts a day. I'm seriously thinking way too much. But I've been like that for my entire life.
I remember the first day that I stopped thinking so much. It was 1997. It was the day after a big party and I was sitting hanging out in my back yard, that was at 127th and burnside in portland Oregon, along the lightrail. We had moved my old couch outside and it was underneath a very large douglas fir tree. It was a sunny day and I sat there sort of scrunched in between a bunch of my new Mexican friend whom didn't speak much English. I was drinking a beer in the early after noon and I just chilled out.
That moment stands out so clear to me I actually cried because it was like an epiphany. I can relax. I don't have to worry I don't have to fight the world.
Nowdays, I do meditate and I do relax much more since that day. But now my struggle since that day way back in 1997 is to think pure and good thoughts. I am working on it. And I want to share with you all what I have learned from the "course in miracles". It is the same topics you hear about it basically every religion but here it is.
- what you think is projected onto your world, if you have pure thoughts (such as what jesus did) you can make miracles happen
-everyday is a constant struggle between the ego and what our natural pure spirit wants. The spirit doesn't fight you but the ego does
-how you think about and treat your brother/neighbor/other people is how you feel treat or think about yourself.
-Give all to all
-to heal you have to see through people barriers and their facade they have and see them as a child of god/their true higher selves. this will heal them as well as yourself.
so this is my struggle (spiritually speaking)
puerto vallarta girl.