Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Sweet sixteen's turned 39, I used to shake em down but now I start to think about my dignity

Think is the key word here, so far I'm just thinking about it.

I finally had my turn last night to see a portion of Revolutionary Road. I saw just enough of it to be thought provoking. When I moved to Mexico I was like Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio about to move to Paris. I didn't see enough of the movie to see whether they actually did move or not... but by the way they were talking about moving and the peoples reactions it was just like when we were about to move. I was a stay at home Mom. We had a nice house. I loved it. It was big. Swingset, double car garage. It was an older home with charm. And I was .... bored...... So we moved to Mexico for many reasons. But one of the reasons were in all seriousness... "Why the heck not?"

So the next day I sat at the table and my daughter and son were on each side of me, and it occurred to me that I was of that age... that age of adulthood where I become just like everyone else, doing the series of life steps like everyone else.

But... that reminds me of a conversation I had a few weeks ago, I was talking to an acquaintance, (one of which will not talk to me now, and I have already somehow unknowingly seriously offended him) he has an alternative style, and I was saying how in my search to be different, I didn't get all the tatoos and all the piercings because then suddenly all the people who rushed out to do that to be different suddenly became the same as everyone that did the same thing, therfore categorizing themselves.

But here I am 39, 3 children and happily married, and overweight, with no tatoos or piercings and regular hair... even my hair cut bombed out. I really honestly got the haircut to revamp myself, but ended up doing the 39 thing...? what?

So did I really do anything to be different. I know in my mind I do.

Again ringing in my head is "Well behaved women, rarely make history" but still I want friends, I want trusted business partners.

I refuse to settle that a trusted friend comes only 1 to 100. I want trusted friends more like 50%. Ok, as I'm typing this I keep rambling off about stuff. It's just that I have this big puzzle I've been trying to wrap my head around. And I finally understand atleast what the problem is. I'm becoming like my grandma. No one liked my grandma. She was well dressed. I'm not well dressed. She kept a perfect house. I don't keep a perfect house. But she was critical. I think people think that I am critical. Last year in Mexico my friend that came to visit told me I am very judgemental. There she was making out with ugly guys, and she was really hot and I told her if she's going to mess around atleast do it with hot guys... and she said, "you are one of the most judgmental people I know" i found it so weird that she she thought that because I thought she was..... and I never thought of myself that way, but Maybe I am. gosh..........I suppose I really need to work on this.

Well back to what I was talking about... I offend people. I don't mean to do it, I have no idea how I do it, I'm that naive.. I offend people and really don't have any idea who what or when, until they won't talk to me anymore. How is that even possible... I'm not listening enough? I seriously have good intentions. I am one of those too truthful people. And I say what I want when ever I want. Example... in Acting class one day, I walked into class and someone said we wondered if you were going to come, and I said, "I don't come that easy, it takes a little work".. sounds all innocent and all but I was serious. I don't come that easy. lol. - In the moment - I was met with some weird looks on that one. Doesn't anyone make dirty jokes anymore?

Part of me has always liked to say weird stuff to surprise people. I think most people are walking around like robots and not that much happens that is thought provoking. And so here I come. At least they can make fun of me... that gives them something to think about. "Wow can you believe that woman, who does she think she is." Look at that flat ass. Gross her boobs are so big, eewww.." I wonder what they say? I think I really need to hear it! Most likely it is simple and to the point, "What a bitch!" or "She is weird".

I have always prided myself on my weirdness. by the way.

But back to my problem again... so I offend people and then, they don't want to talk to me anymore. Unless they get to know me really well or are forced to spend day after day around me, I usually grow on people, Or do they pretend to like me because I used to work for powerful people????? hmmm.

I am very intense. that is another issue. That I cannot change.

I guess when I was an Executive Assistance I became good at being eloquent. But as of right now after having been so isoloated in Mexico, I seem to have forgotten all that eloquence shit. Lol. I'm just happy to talk to people in english.

Then I put all my guards down because I figured I am in Art school with other like minded people and they will really get me. But somehow, I've pissed alot of people off. Already, people I've gotten to know a little bit don't return my phone calls and don't return my emails.

I have met a handful of awesomely awesome people, I hope I will be able to get past the I offend them stage with.

There is one person I met that reminds me alot of myself that I had in 2 of my classes. I watched him stammer and go the long way around to get to his subject, in attempts to be eloquent and then end up usually saying 'Fuck you!' to the rude people. He reminds me of me to some extent but everyone really loves him... I'm again wondering if it is because I am a woman. Look up directors and see how many are women?

How do I overcome this abrasion I'm finding myself in. Suddenly I am acutely aware of how I offend people. Its getting picked for teams in grade school all over again.

I don't really know what I am asking for but if this post inspires something in you... tell me about it. Please.. It feels like this puzzle in my head that I am just wrapping my head around. Do I need to read 101 ways to be eloquent? I just made that up. but I am sure if I do a quick search at the library website, I'll find something along those lines. How to schmooze people.

I can schmooze... I can be charming. Ok I feel some affirmations coming on.

I like people and people like me. I am charming and graceful. I am funny and witty.

God Bless.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Nat Geo - Border wars

Well, I am sad to say that Nat Geo is doing a show about the Border wars. I fear it is not positive for immigrants. But the worst thing is on my page is an advertisement for it. Thats how it goes with google adsense. It is twisted and messed up but I just want anyone to know that I do not support that show.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Another great message from Mary

This came from my daily emails from Mary Morrissey. www.MaryMorrissey.com


Hi Puerto Vallarta Girl,

Patanjali, the Indian saint says, “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitation, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.

Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed.”

What is a great purpose? What is an extraordinary project? The answer is something that deeply and profoundly matters to you. What would that be for you?
My friends, during these last days of the year, try to get clear. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal an extraordinary project to you. Ask Spirit for a deep purpose that you can dedicate yourself to in the year 2010.
I know that you will discover yourself to be a greater person by far for your efforts.
In preparation for a transformational 2010,

Love Mary

Saturday, December 26, 2009

MIA - Paper Planes

Love this song. It stirs me up and makes me want to produce music. I don't even get it... why. I saw Slumdog Milionaire, this was on the sound track.



Tuesday, December 22, 2009

todays "A course in Miracles" lesson

This photo is by my school in Downtown Portland about a week before school got out. It must have been about 15 outside that day.

So I started doing "A Course in Miracles" last year at my lowest point in PV. I never brought the blog up to date to that point in my spiritual journey stories. I still plan to finish writing that segment... but as of right now I just wanted to skip forward to where I am now.

Where I am is in a sort of sucky place. I have found that when I do not do my daily spiritual practice I slowly subside into this place... of grumpiness, and I focus on my health, or lack of...good health, and I feel justified in my grumpiness. And I send out negative thoughts to the universe. I find out I am mad at people and I don't even really know why. Or if I think about it I will come up with reasons. I've been thinking for days and days, maybe even weeks that I need to get back to my spiritual practice. But every night before I close my eyes I try to do a meditation and I think I barely get started with it and I fall asleep.

Honestly, why is it when I get very busy, the first thing I DON'T do is my spiritual practice?When my spiritual practice reverberates into my entire life, it must and should be one of my highest priorities. I need to do atleast 30 minutes a day.

So today finally I have shaken the stress from school off. Its been a week since my last class and I have finally shaken it. I slept in as long as the little ones would let me... till about 8am ... and then laid there in bed trying to sleep, but have you ever refereed while trying to sleep. You can't sleep and you can't referee. So then amazingly.... I picked up my "A Course in Miracles" and went right back to where I left off at. Lesson 124. and what is amazing to me is that the children were quiet the entire time I read my 2 page lesson.

And... the lesson was very pertinent to where I am now. Again, they say, when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I love that quote.

I am going to paraphrase some of my lesson today. It is entitled

LESSON 124 "Let me remember I am one with God"

Today we will again give thanks for our Identity in God.
our home is safe, protection guaranteed in all we do,
power and strength available to us in all our undertakings.

I really needed to hear that right now. I mean, I already know that but I just needed the book to tune into me. Sometimes I feel like the book is rewritten and there for me to specifically speak to what I am going through.
We can fail in nothing.
Everything we touch takes on a shining
light that blesses and that heals.

I try so hard to remember that but it is very difficult, but when I do think that way, my whole world takes on a sparkle of magic that transforms.

At one with God and with the universe we go our way rejoicing,
with the thought that God Himself goes everywhere with us.

That is just the first paragraph. It spoke of anxieties in paragraph 4.

No meaningless anxieties can come between our faith
and our awareness of his presence.

I like to read that. I guess I like to read that because... once I've even gotten the anxieties I guess I have forgotten my faith.

Well, all I am saying is, practicing what you believe in every day is very helpful so that you don't forget. What ever you believe. It may not be anything remotely similar to this, and that's ok - to each his own. Its just that people often say they believe in something and then when the day comes (the challenge comes) and presents itself we can't even hold those ideals long enough to practice what we truly believe. It is hard work to stay true to our faith or beliefs, but I believe it is a necessary struggle.

I am trying to stay on track. I know that it is truly key to my happiness and well being. I wish you luck and pray for you.

The last sentence in the lesson of 12 paragraphs is:

"Let me remember I am one with God,
At one with all my brothers and my self,
In everlasting holiness and peace."

I'm doing my best to remember and practice.

Thank you god,

Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Term over, Cold in Portland, Baby cried on the bus


Driving into Portland I love to take photos. The day I took this photo it was warming up it was 30 something (a few days before hand it was 10).

Surprisingly enough my first term back to school went really well. I made a reputation as a dependable, occasionally a few minutes late, but dependable artsy director type. Some people think .....'sure I have a ton of ideas but I don't have anything to back it up with'.

Well, its ok if they underestimate me. I'm not afraid of that. My teachers clearly see my ability. Can you believe it I am getting A's where I wasn't sure what I would get. In all honestly I am thrilled to get A's but it is not the real reason I am there. I am there to learn and A's or B's or even C's won't make much difference in the long run, what will make a difference is whether I am comprehending and learning the tricks of the trade.

Tomorrow I get Comcast Cable and I will be uploading the other videos I did in my Digital Video Class.

Today is my first day of no school, I don't go back till January 12th. I wanted to do a bunch of filming right now but the equipment library will be closed during the break. It makes sense but .... but I wish it were open... it would have been a great time to develop a few of all these projects.... in my head.

This week my little guy, he started school at the part time head start by my house. I feel so sorry for him. He just made friends with everyone and got used to being at school at the Headstart way out in Gresham, like 20 minutes from our house and then finally the transfer went through and now he is scared. He gets to take the little preschool bus and I thought he would be excited about it. He even gets to take it with his cousin, who is the same age. But... he has cried now 2 days in a row. He cried hysterically and was really scared. I felt so bad. My baby is 3 1/2 and a very sensitive boy, but charming and gets along well with others. When he clings towards me my heart goes out, but I AM a mother of 3 and I know that I must force him to go on the bus and then in a few days he will be fine.
It is one of the most dificult things mommies have to do....make their babies do things that are good for them but they don't want to do. Our hearts are torn.

But what can I do.. oh sorry honey.... stay home from school and be with me. I wish I could but when does it stop...if I continue with how he wants it he will be 5 years old and not want to dress, or feed himself or go to school, or brush his teeth. Everyday he is at school he learns how to do things for himself, like brushing his teeth.

One really good thing about the new class is that they speak 4 languages. He already speaks English and Spanish, and now he will have the opportunity to learn Russian and Turkish. I'm really excited for him I think the languages are really good for his brain and his neurotransmitters.

but it is very hard to see your babies grow up. I'm so busy that I have to conciously pause and play with my babies. I have to just stop and look at them and be silly.

Being a mommy is one of the most important and difficult things to do. I fight to be present.

Lastly I've been wanting to say that I've found myself not being as giving and generous as I want to be. I have got to find time to get centered everyday.

I've noticed when I don't practice my spiritual practice and meditate on an idea everyday, I become less of the person I truly want to be. I forget. I forget that we are all the same. I forget that to judge someone else is to judge myself. I want to remember.

God bless and Merry Xmas
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

PS I still don't miss Puerto Vallarta... when I see pictures I get apprehensive...




Thursday, December 10, 2009

Monday, December 7, 2009

The moon is going down in the morning


In the mornings when I come accross the bridge the view is very beautiful. And as always I am surrounded by people silent and self absorbed enjoying their quiet ride. I grab my camera and start snapping some photos.... Sometimes it makes people notice the beauty that is right there in front of all of us.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Caught - The first fiction Short I worked on

I was DP, that means cameraman/woman...This is a silent film It is called, "In Camera" because we had to do it without editing it in a movie editing software. Also we decided to do it as a silent film because the story could not depend on diologue.

here it is:


Caught from Heather Dominguez on Vimeo.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Another idea I learned from Mary - Orange juice

Mary has a Story she tells and the ending is about a wise man said that when you squeeze an orange what comes out? Orange juice right? Then she say's "When life squeezes you, what comes out?"


I find this very profound.

On the flip side of that... there is another story she tells of a woman in a store and the cashier is being very abrupt and mean, and when the cashier walks away the customer says to the bag person...something like 'wow that cashier is really being a biotch' and the bag person says" yeah can you believe it, her son is in ICU, he was hit by a car yesterday and they won't give her the day off.


So on both sides of the coin.... That can really change how you receive a negative person, doesn't it?

And when life squeezes YOU what comes out?

interpersonal insights......


Love
Puerto Vallarta Girl

Today's Daily Dream Builder - Walt Whitman

Here is my daily inspirational email I get from Mary Morrissey:
___________________________________

Hi Puerto Vallarta Girl,

Walt Whitman, just a wonderful American poet and philosopher wrote:

From this hour I ordain myself loosed of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me…
I am larger, better than I thought, I did not know I held so much goodness.

He says from this hour I ordain myself loose of limits and imaginary lines. Would you be willing to ordain yourself this day loose of limits and imaginary lines?


Many Blessings,

Mary
___________________________________

I went onto her website to test the link, so that I can post it here and now she has an introduction video of herself. It reminds me of when I used to watch her on TV every week, or when I saw her in person. She has a gift in her presence that she can touch my heart by purely speaking or telling a story. How I so wish she were still on TV or that I could get more of her "life keys" Cd's. She speaks of spiritual practices as if it is just her and me sitting and talking. I don't know if it is like Pavlov's dog, but the moment I hear her voice I feel as if I want to cry in spiritual appreciation. I just cannot hold anything against her, for she teaches forgiveness and perhaps the entire thing that happened (several years ago)with her is a lesson of forgiveness for everyone that follows her.

Here is her website, she has a free non denominational daily email she sends. It's a quick way to keep spiritually on track. Here is her website: http://www.marymorrissey.com

Monday, November 30, 2009

Another Quote sent from Mary Morressey

There is a Chinese proverb that says if you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Don't we all know that this is true?

Friday, November 20, 2009

even more awesome bumper sticker - about strong women

today I don't have a blurry picture, but the words stand alone:

Well Behaved Women

Rarely Make History

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Live in the moment, My Spiritual Journey Part 7

(photo is me and my eldest in 1997 at a Parade)
Back to the Spiritual Journey. So if you have been following this spiritual journey series you know that I left off in 1997 where I was following coincidences and involved in an unrequited love. I had been welcomed into the family of my unrequited love, to be included into all their family events.
Through this I learned all about Mexican customs and my first exposure to Real Mexican Food, Jaliscan Style.

One Saturday after a big bar-b-que party the night before, the muchachas were outside sitting on a couch which was placed under a large Douglas Fir Tree. The blue couch was supposed to have been hauled away but someone moved it there and it became a favorite place for people to relax that early summer.

So there I was this Saturday early afternoon and someone had offered me a beer and I accepted and a group of the girls asked me to join them. I remember this moment so very clearly there was banda music playing in the distance. The girls were talking, and I didn't understand a word, but I sat there and I enjoyed the moment.

I just sat there relaxed and I enjoyed the sun, the beer, the chatter, and the music. And I started to Cry. And they asked me why I was crying and I could not competently explain why.
I cried because they had taught me something miraculous. My whole life since I was very little I was always busy doing something. I was always planning, organizing, alphabetizing, writing, knitting, something. And they had taught me to be in the moment and relax. I tasted the beer, I heard the music, and I felt the sun on me. It was truly an epiphany that changed my life for awhile. I wish forever, but it was only awhile.

I lived in the moment and I lived with those coincidences until I had to get away from my unrequited love and I moved about 5 miles away.

In late 1998 I was practicing the "making a list to the Universe", which is like placing an order to the universe of what you want in your life. I was desperately lonely and my father was dying of cancer and I was still working full time (like always) and sort of living a double life. The double life was partying in the evenings and working as Administrative Assistant during the day. I wrote the list of what I want in a man and prayed and let it go to the Universe. And on December 31, 1998 I met my husband who ended up exactly what I ordered (well part at first and part a few years later).

Meeting my husband and falling in love really threw me off my spiritual path for awhile. Being lonely was really more conducive to searching desperately for my faith. But being in a passionate and rocky relationship made it so my whole life evolved around the relationship. Because for the first few years we were very rocky. Later when things mellowed a bit, I started participating in and going to church and watching on television "New thought Christian".

New thought Christian is not really conventional in the same way that Christian, Catholic, Baptist, and Mormon are. I mean they had a church and they had groups but it was very open and the core message was always how to be kind, how to open blocks in forgiveness.

And through the death of my Father, and the tumultuous relationship with my husband (then boyfriend) I listened to these cd's and watched the televised church episodes relentlessly. The church I am referring to is The Living Enrichment Center, and Mary Mannin Morissey. I've mentioned before that if anyone knows her they know that she was involved in a big scandal several years later where her husband embezzled money from the church, but I don't even care about that. That pastor got me through some of the most difficult times I've ever had in my life. I still have digital versions of her talks that I still listen to them in times of difficulty. She makes me laugh and cry and open my heart just by hearing her beautiful stories. She has a gift and I still follow her to this day regardless of what happened. Here is a link to her most recent website : http://www.marymorrissey.com/ I wish I could get my hands on all her old cd's and video's " Life Keys" really are/were wonderful.

And then... life happened. We got married, and bought a house, and had 2 more babies. And I faithfully let myself quit my well paying Executive Assistant Job to stay home with my children. I tried to watch Mary on TV and read the occasional book. Then Mary's scandal happened but I sort of missed that somehow. And in 2007 I moved to Mexico.

Mexico was a huge process in my faith. It tested my faith. Again... Mexico took all of my faith and all of my learning about how to be and how to love how to be positive, and put it to the biggest test I've ever experienced. But even though I don't want to live in Mexico again, I must say I personally believe everyone should do it. It teaches you about yourself and it teaches you about life and the world. It helps you to understand the Mexican culture in a way that only living in Mexico can.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What really happened in 1996 when the Immigration Laws got all messed up

Ok so we...... meaning us who are dramatically affected by the immigration laws.... we are all aware that in 1996 the laws changed right?

And when we tell people we are American Citizens and married to a foreign man and they are banned from the USA, people are like... What? All you have to do is marry them right? and we are like. "People always say that, but ahhhh no, it's not that easy, not since 1996"

So have you ever wondered what exactly happened in 1996?

Why on earth would the Clinton Administration do this to us? I've always thought it had to be Bush somehow... but it wasn't.

Well I got it answered today. Here is the answer to this question about how the immigration laws got totally screwed up in the first place.

But as of now this is Chisme, which I encourage you to fact check, as I will..... I do need to verify all of this, but this has been told to me in a phone conversation with someone who is very politically involved in immigration issues. If you want to check it out and post a link to some of your findings in the comments that would be great, but here is the story I heard today.

Back in the day on Wednesday, or 1996 there were some major "balancing and passing the national budget" issues going on. In fact there was something going on with Newt Gingrich and the Budget.

The government came to a standstill/gridlock and this is what happened: The only way they could get a budget passed (and get the government back to work) was by the Senate and House passing the budget. But what the Republicans did was to attach an Immigration Amendment to the budget.

When it got to Clinton for signature.... and the entire government was gridlocked and stuck, it was inevitable that Clinton had to sign this bill, because the government has basically shut down without it.

And my contact also mentioned to me that the republicans thought this was going to curb illegal immigration but in truth it had the opposite result. Because after that immigrants found out that they could not travel back to their home countries seasonally without having permanent effects on their immigration status. Because if they got caught at the border they would lose their ability to get legal for 10 years, 20 years or lifetime. So instead of curbing illegal immigration it actually made it so that illegal immigrants had to stay in the US, and then later on they would miss their family so more of their family would come.

I believe this is true because with Mexico specifically, everyone that I have ever met from Mexico did not come here thinking they wanted to stay here. When they first came they just wanted to make some money so that they can go back and have a better life in Mexico. But with the way the laws are written, especially since 1996 once you come you are stuck, and you have to choose one country or the other.

Please comment and add to the story, or even discredit the story if you know more info. But I do find this highly interesting.

Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

awesome bumper sticker about screwing

Its blurry I was at a stop light. It says:
Fighting for Peace - is like - Screwing for Virginity

Determination Alienates me - Kindess redeems. Both are necessary.


Determination is a lonely road paved by ambition. Isolating you(me) from all the people who have buried their dreams and can't forgive themselves. I want to share my ideas and inspire but face to face my existence and determination trigger something that scares the average person. Why can she do her dreams when I cannot let myself? Lets be honest here. Part of it is because I am a woman. I am bold enough to believe I can do nearly anything I want. Who gave me that right?

When I speak of my ambition or personal accomplishment I just want to share it with someone. But it can be taken as boasting. It makes me want to curse because I just want to talk about my life with someone. It is hard being the listener for so many years and when I have something I want to talk about it is not meant for comparison. It is only my thoughts coming out and my relentless ambition. I don't want to apologize for letting my light shine. I didn't think I had to anymore.

Aren't we all searching this life to figure out and to play the music in our hearts? Just like in my favorite song, posted in an earlier blog "All IN" "I want more laughing and giggling, need more passion and wisdom, give some and take some, I don't want no fake ones, if I need new friends then I'll make some. Spend half my life on the search for nothing, I came up with something, It's on again! I Found myself by the river and jumping, its all or nothing gotta be all in. be all in, gotta be all in, be all in, yeah its all or nothing......." later it says, "Its all or nothing baby, its never ever maybe, YOU THINK I MIGHT BE CRAZY... but I gotta be all in!"

If isolation is the price, I have to pay it.

In this life, I'm striving to be kind, I often swerve in and out of kindness. I want to stay on that side of the road. This life, this journey, is a spiritual journey, to me, and it takes determination to be spiritual, it takes determination to uplift, it takes determination to be positive, and I am determined. And I hope to be kind. No I am determined to be kind. NO matter what. It is a HUGE STRUGGLE. One of the most difficult struggles. NO THE most difficult struggle to be kind. A wise person who studied all religions as his life work, was asked "In all your studies can you summarize all religions in one phrase?"

He said "It is the practice of being kind. " Dear god, please help me to be kind, because I've already got the determination. And I know with time my kindness will bounce back on me again.

Thank you god.
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Student Film - a Poem

To you I am intense and overbearing
To Me I am inquisitive and friendly
To you it is an assignment
To me it is one step closer to my dream
And to you it is a due date
For me its my name and the beginning of a trademark
To you it is only a piece of a puzzle you must complete before the buzzer rings
To me it feels like a last contribution before I die
To you it is a learning experience
To me it is an inspired divine expression

The conundrum - My spiritual Journey Part 6

So in my last few spiritual journey posts I brought you to when I was introduced to Creative Visualization and the Celestine Prophecy (ie. coincidences and Serendipity) Ok,

So I got the apartment and I started doing creative visualization and I visualized and prayed for a new love. And then a man showed up at my door 2 days later and he wasn't what I thought I wanted so I told him we can't be together we can only have sex. This is how I got involved with a Mexican man. The one before my husband. So this is all fine and dandy till it turned into an unrequited love. I've mentioned this before on my blog in case you don't already know - unrequited love is when you love someone and they don't love you back. Like in the movie "The Holiday" when Kate Winslets character loves Jasper who keeps coming into her life but doesn't really love her. That was me.

During this stage of my life I got into the coincidences theory. And totally honestly coincidences are extremely exiting. They bring a whole new element to your life. Suddenly you feel like you are living in magic and joy and when you follow coincidences it makes you feel purposeful. And the theory is that if you have coincidences in your life it is like messages from god that you are on the right track.

But here is the conundrum, and issue, a problem in the philosophy, it is the chicken egg thing. ... . . . . . . Later on after this part (part 6) I got into "The Secret", there is almost 10 years between the coincidences phase and the law of attraction phase and this is a HUGE ISSUE in my philosophy:

Are coincidences real or are they by-products of the law of attraction? Anyone have an opinion?

Here is why: I spent nearly 2 years pining for, sleeping with, and drinking my sorrows away because all of the signs and coincidences were pointing me towards my unrequited love, but now in retrospect it may have all been forced (and law of attraction) because I was thinking, and obsessing, and living next door to him.

Here is the core question? Are coincidences stand alone divine gifts or purely a law of attraction by product?

Wanting to know your thoughtful feedback.
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

National Victory, according to this Lou Dobbs has done his last episode on CNN

Here is an email I got - today to see more about this go to: http://AmericasVoiceOnline.org/AdiosDobbs

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "Adam Luna, America's Voice"
Sent: Thu, November 12, 2009 10:49:23 AM
Subject: Lou Dobbs on CNN? Not Tonight!


Last night, Lou Dobbs aired his final broadcast on CNN.

Tonight, when viewers tune in to CNN primetime, the hate TV will be gone. CNN President Jonathan Klein said, "Lou Dobbs will carry the banner of advocacy journalism elsewhere."

Dobbs's hate speech will no longer carry the CNN stamp of approval.

Thank you for speaking out and being a part of this victory. You helped us raise money to put an ad on TV called "CNN: Drop the Hate, Drop Dobbs," which argued that 260 hours a year of extreme, anti-immigrant programming was simply unacceptable.

Your hard work surely helped CNN cancel "Lou Dobbs Tonight."

Please tell your friends the good news, and ask them to join us:

http://AmericasVoiceOnline.org/AdiosDobbs

Lou Dobbs gave the Minutemen vigilante group a national platform, spread lies that immigrants bring leprosy to the U.S., and implied that President Barack Obama is an undocumented immigrant from Kenya.

Lou Dobbs was one of the main forces of fear, lies, and hatred in the immigration debate. Thanks to voices like yours, he will no longer be on CNN.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of Lou Dobbs copycats crowding out the conversation on immigration in Washington. We're going to need every voice we can get to fight their extremism and stand up for a better America in the months ahead, with immigration reform on the horizon.

Please help us spread the word and grow our movement for change:

http://americasvoiceonline.org/page/m/327374be/1fb65eef/1ec4213a/6f202735/1495436941/VEsC/

Most importantly, thank you for being part of this tremendous victory.

Sincerely,

Adam Luna
America's Voice


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Elegant Veterans Day Concert - Monday night




My Son is in the "A Choir" at his High school and his group was invited to sing with 2 other A Choirs to sing for a Veterans Tribute at the Portland Schnitzer last Monday night.


I sat there overcome with emotion as my Son sang Yankee Doodle Dandy (and other songs). But this was no simple Yankee Doodle Dandy this was A choir with around 200 very accomplished choir students singing it. In the very moment of Patriotism I looked around and I saw the luxury and the arbitrary yet beautiful extravagance and I heard the words they spoke in the following speeches. And all I could think of is my husband in Poverty in a 3rd world country and unable to be with us. Me in my heels and luxury and him on cold concrete floors and no kitchen sink. It was the purest most beautiful music I may have ever heard.

And a man sang the star spangled banner reminding me of our nation and he spoke of all the wars from the revolutionary war and forward and the music that went with it.


And then they spoke of the war with Mexico, and I felt like God was telling me something.


I just can't believe how big my baby boy is now.


And then later Dennis Marcellino sang "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and the Kingsmen played some of their music Cherokee Nation and Louie Louie and Born to be Wild. These were all popular during the Vietnam war.


Later a group of people played the "God Bless the USA", country song from the Gulf War, All the while I felt a weird bittersweet feeling about my country.


I love my country, but I really wish they would let me have my husband too.


Regardless my son had such a cool experience, he got to sing onstage with Real Rockstars.


Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

GERARDO NARANJO, DRAMA/MEX


I just saw this movie on "On Demand" and it is really really good. All you folks in Mexico you should see this movie, it really captures the feeling of Mexico and keeps you wrapped inside the movie the whole time. It feels real. Like you are a character in the movie. It takes place in Acapulco. Four Stars.
One note for those of you in Mexico - the movie that was out this summer that was about a storm that happened on vacation to a mexican family that vacationed in Cancun. Is sort of similiar to this in a way, but this is much better.

The Vacuum Cleaner - My spiritual Journey Part 4

NOTE: PART 4 AND PART 5 POSTED IN OPPOSITE ORDER
I can't remember which started first for me Creative Visualization or Eckankar so I will start with Eckankar because it didn't last long.


After several years of being lightly involved with IANDS (Portland chapter of the International Association of Near Death Experiences) I got some information about Eckankar. I decided to go to a few meetings which were very different from anything that I had ever experienced.

I had read the book they give. To me it was a little weird for some reason, which is funny since I was into the crystals and had an out of body experience as a teen. Anyway, I was at a session or meeting or what ever you call it and we were doing Hu. Hu is humming, or chanting and they believe in Eckankar that the tone of Hu brings you closer to God so everyone chants Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu over and over. Ok so then we do a meditationi and visualization process. And next we imagine our mind empty and blue, because blue is God, they say. Next we imagined a marble rolling around inside our mind and clearing out blocks. If your mind runs into something that is ok. When we were done we were encouraged to talk about what we experienced with our marble. So I told them what happened to me, nonchalantly and was greeted with a room full of gasps.

My experience was this. The marble was rolling around my mind and I saw my grandmother, who died when I was about 8. My grandmother said "Trust Harold, you are the same as Harold". So we completed the meditation and I told the class that experience and then I said, "I have no idea who Harold is, I don't know a Harold" (when I was 17 I did hear about a guy named Harold - that was a friends so called "Sugar Daddy" but I was certain it was not him). They all pointed to the wall. Harold is/was the High Priest or what ever you would call it in Eckankar. Everyone was amazed. I don't know if I am/was completely shallow at the time because I didn't feel anything about Harold except a little freaked out. He didn't look trust-worthy to me. I thought his eyes were lying. Here is Harold and you tell me what you think. So that was the end of Eckankar for me, I just could not shake the not comfortable feeling.





Then one day at Bearly Used Books in Portland, I traded in some romance novels and grabbed a little book that looked interesting. Creative Visualization by Shatki Gawain. That book was a HUGE turning point in my life and in my spiritual Journey. Creative Visualization was a book which was written in the 70's. It is so much more than just Creative Visualization. It does have a little bit of far out stuff but it makes so much sense and really explains the universe. It helps on so many levels. I would HIGHLY Recommend this for anyone who is looking for something in their spiritual journey and is open to bigger possibilities.



I started reading this book little by little I had just split from my first Husband, which was a fake marriage, a 'I got knocked up or I would have never married you' marriage. But it did bring me my fabulous beautiful son. Anyway, I was finding myself again. I just got my own place and I didn't have a car and I didn't have much money and I didn't have furniture.


Ok so I started practicing the methods in Creative Visualization. It goes something like this 1. relax, 2. Use a meditation technique, 3. visualize what you want, 4. Do affirmations of what you want as if you already have it, 5. do more affirmations throughout the day saying that you have said thing or characteristic .



I used this method and within a week I got a great apartment which only required me to pay a small amount of money to move in. I got a car where I didn't have enough money to buy it but a complete stranger said I could pay the additional $100 dollars later on. And People started calling me out of the blue because they either wanted to sell me (on payments) or give me things that I needed, all which I had visualized for. But the most amazing story was the Vacuum. I had just picked up my son from Daycare across town from my new apartment. I was thinking how I was going to have a party the next day and I needed a vacuum. Just then in the same moment I thought about the vacuum I saw a vacuum on the side of the road with a free sign. I quickly pulled over and walked up to the porch and knocked on the door. I verified that the vacuum was really free. The little boy said yes, I said well, can I talk to your mom. The mom walked up and it turned out to be the house of someone I vaguely knew, but didn't know where they lived. She said sure it's free. And we chatted and that was it.



I was hooked. Creative Visualization it was. I am a faithful follower till the day I die. I just have to remember to do it. I've gotten countless things by visualizing them. And the last part I didn't say was always, always, say thank you. Gratitude is very important.


My spiritual Journey continued. This is only 1998.

Monday, November 9, 2009

World Trade Center Bombing 1993 - Long round about way to continue My Spiritual Journey - Part 5

NOTE: PART 4 AND PART 5 POSTED IN OPPOSITE ORDER.
Then came the day when I sat down with my then Boss, we will call him J. J was a warm and sweet Executive Vice President of an Investment Firm. I was his Administrative Assistant. One morning I went into his office and I was telling him about a coincidence I had experienced that morning. He said that my story sounded like the Celestine Prophecy which is crappy writing he said but an interesting concept. I said "What is the Celestine Prophecy"? He said well first I want to tell you a story.

But before I get into the FABULOUS STORY HE TOLD ME here is a picture of me and 2 other ladies in the office and we are dressed up for Halloween as Bill and the Lewinsky sisters. I'm on the left.




Ok so this is the long really cool story. Keep in mind the day in J's office was spring 1998.

Here goes: He had a handmade clay tea cup on his desk and he showed it to me, J. and his wife owned an artsy Home Decor store. In 1993 J and his wife travelled to New York City to visit with a Corporate Head of the company and while they were in New York they wanted to meet with this woman who made these specialty tea cups. They drove way out into the suburbs, it may have been New Jersey and went into some old building with those old type elevators where you pull a rope to make the elevator go up and down. They went into an apartment and a man told them to wait, and they were shown these complete sets of the tea cups and became the only people to carry these original art work tea cups on the West Coast. Then they left and as they were walking they past a sports memorabilia store, J loved sports memorabilia so they went in. Inside of the store were some select baseballs from the World Series. Sorry I'm not big on baseball so I don't remember the details, anyway it was a set and he really wanted it but when they saw the $1500 price tag he decided not to buy it. His wife had some more shopping to do and he had to get to a meeting in the World Trade Center. So he was rushing to get back to the World Trade Center. Later he was in a restaurant in the World Trade Center when there was a loud noise and a trembling. If I can remember correctly he said that during this bombing, while he was inside of the attached building, he continued lunch and at first no one even realized that anything had happened for quite awhile. A 1/2 hour later the building was evacuated. (this story is really amazing because this all happened way before 9/11) here is a link to the event if you are interested - World Trade Center Bombing in 1993.



So he and his wife were still in New York and the whole city was a ruckus but the feeling of almost being affected by a terrorist act got him thinking that he really should go back and buy those baseballs. So he goes back to the shop where the baseballs were at and is prepared to fork out the $1,500. dollars when he finds out they were just sold 1/2 hour earlier.


Ok so he goes back to Portland and lives his life and then about 1 1/2 years later he gets a call from an old friend that invites him to dinner. This was like an old college buddy. He goes to this friends house and after dinner they are browsing around the guys house looking at his art and sports memorabilia turns out that his friend bought the same famous baseball set that he wanted, on the same day he went to buy in, in New Jersey, 1/2 hour before he went to buy it.

So when he sees the tea cup on his desk that is what it reminds him of. I was like wow, what a coincidence. So he said yeah.... check out the Celestine prophecy. So I did.

I agree the writing itself is not amazing, but the concepts to follow coincidences in your life are exciting and interesting. And I did practice this for awhile. If you are interested in this concept I recommend to also read, "The Power of Flow".

My spiritual Journey to be continued.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Strawberry Shortcake Festival - My Spiritual Journey Part 3

Click here to go to link on Amazon for the Book Saved By the Light
By now I was 24, I had married (reluctantly) and had a baby. My dear mother-in-law (not dear to me) suggested we go to a festival out at the Mount Hood Community College. I still felt like something was missing in my life. I felt lonely on some level that I couldn't put my finger on. And I still had an aversion to any church or institution that said "Hell", "Lord", "Apocalypse", and "Sin", I had a sense that god loved you no matter what but I still was not able to articulate it. This would have been 1995. I believe I had been to a few more of those crystal stores and felt really nice there, I picked up more books but still felt like there must be something else.

So we headed out to this event with no idea what to expect and it turned out to be a huge cornerstone of my life at that time. We had all split up and I didn't have my son with me at the time he must have been walking around with his Dad.

What the event was, was an introduction to classes and events through short showings. I remember I learned how to make "Flubber", I learned about the color wheel for interior design and I was just wandering around the Mount Hood Community College Campus.

I stumbled into a dark room where a class that sounded interesting was supposed to be held. Inside the class there was a movie playing. It was Saved by the light, The Dannion Brinkley Story If you haven't heard about this story it is sort of an introduction to Near Death Experiences. I loved these sort of spiritual thriller type movies and I sat there feeling at home. And once the lights came on a Wally something or other spoke. Wally was a professor who had personally had a Near Death Experience and he spoke of a group that met locally here in Portland where people discussed their near death experiences. I had not had a near death experiences but this was the closest to an organized religious experience that I had ever experienced. The group he represented is/was IANDS the International Association of Near death Experiences So I got the information and I started going to meet with IANDS

They were held monthly and they also sent out a monthly mailed newsletter and I attended on and off for a few years. Inside these meetings people would describe their experience of what happened when they were clinically declared dead for 2 or more minutes sometimes 5 minutes. And then they would come back to life.

Up to this point I wouldn't say I had strong faith. But during these classes or meetings I felt the very closest I had ever felt to god up until that point.

Here is what a typical story would go like:

A person dies for what ever reason, they find themselves looking at their own body and people around their body, they are then pulled into a tunnel , in the tunnel some people would describe passing scary shadows, and others would describe a sort of hyper speed, some people would say a loved one would escort them through the tunnel, after they came out of the tunnel they would come up to a brilliant light and that light would be god, or Jesus, or the supreme being, and in the presence of that bright light they would receive all knowledge, and there was no time, and they were fully loved beyond anything that is even describable in words. The feeling was pure love, acceptance, and pure joy. But usually they would then be told that they had to go back, they still needed to do something. In truth they didn't want to go back because they were in that feeling of pure love.

Then they would come back and many people would fall into a depression. Other people would be totally changed. Before the experience, sometimes like Dannion Brinkley they were not nice people. And after the experience they had super human skills, psychic skills. But almost everyone their hearts longed for the pure acceptance they were given in that state.

That is what I was fascinated by. At those meetings I thought I want that. I want to feel that acceptance. But they didn't tell me how to get it. They did tell me about it though at at that time, that is what I needed. To know that somewhere there is pure acceptance.

My spiritual Journey to be continued.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Outta body experience - My Spiritual Journey Part 2

WARNING THIS IS SOME FAR OUT SHIT:

When I was an early teen somehow I got my hands on some old Edgar Cayce books, Edgar Cayce website. When I was a little girl I had gone to church with my mom and grandma and gone to church with my friends. I didn't go often and I didn't get anything out of it. I however sensed that I needed something in my life and I sensed something bigger so when I got my hands on those books I found them fascinating. For those of you who don't know who Edgar cayce is, he is a man who inadvertently found out he could heal people by thinking about them, asking the universe and he could visualize what was wrong in their body, and the universe would tell him how to heal them.

Then I met my friends mother, Darcy and she told me more about mystical and psychic things. That was when I started checking out crystals and a variety of ideas. Until one day at age 15 I got my hands on a book about Astral Projection. That actually explains how to do it. Since I had been dreaming for years that I could fly in my dreams this fascinated me and I tried to do the step by step actions to make myself Astral project. Astral Projection is when you leave your body during meditation.

When I was 16 one night I had the strangest experience. I was doing the process step by step which involved meditation and visualization. The visualization was that a beam of energy or ball of light ran over you from your head to your toes and your whole body starts buzzing, slowly the vibrations of your body rise and once it is going fast enough your soul actually leaves your body but stays connected. I know how bizarre this sounds but I kept trying to do it. One night I had an amazing experience. I woke up and my face was touching the popcorn ceiling of my room and I got scared and I was yanked back into my body. When I woke up I thought I had been struck by lightening because my entire body was buzzing like how your limbs feel when you fall asleep. I stopped doing the practice after that. But I think I actually did leave my body. I believe I had an out of body experience.


Though I have not studied this since then I do believe it happened. But to tell you the truth it was too soon in my journey and did actually freak me out.

Spritual Journey to be continued

Somewhere over the Rainbow - My Spiritual Journey Part 1

(this photo is from today by my apartment)
Somewhere over the Rainbow I found myself and I started following my heart.


It all started back when I was a teenager, I had basically no spiritual teacher, no mentor, just a really great dad who had all his own human faults but somehow he was able to give me a solid start. Amongst all my rebellion and acting out and problems with authority I started searching for something. Actually when I really recall this story of my spiritual journey it always really takes me back to the day I got suspended in 3rd grade. I was sitting in the principles office and I had an epiphany. I had decided not to stress about the crime that had been comitted and the punishment that was about to come. I had kicked my teacher for taking my Avon perfume away from me. Being that I was a poor child, when I received a small Avon lotion perfume for my birthday I was fiercely proud of it. I had brought it to school and was evidently causing a ruckus with it. I was sent to the principles office and I still remember that moment very clearly. That was the moment when


I knew that time would pass. I knew there was no reason to stress because shortly it would all only be a memory.



Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Mexican Stare

Isolated as I am I tend to ramble on about things that I personally find amusing or interesting. Today will be an idea that I've been thinking about for a few days. I've changed the way I drive since I've been back from Mexico. I mean, not exactly in how I drive, but what I do when I am driving. I used to often find myself driving on Auto-pilot. My body would be safely getting me from point a to point b, me meaning me and my children or whom ever is in the car. And then I would try to recall something about the drive and basically not recall how I actually did get from point a to point b. Anyone else have that problem?

Anyway, my new thing is this: I do the Mexican stare. When I am stopped at stoplights I stare at the people on the street. When I turn a corner I stare at the people in their cars in the turning lane of the next street. Stopped at a stoplight I look at the people in the cars. I people watch as I bounce to the music.

This is very interesting because now I CAN recall my drive.

I passed the guy who was playing on his skateboard, just after I thumbed-up the older gentleman in a motorized device, after I stopped so that he could cross the intersection.

It is interesting how the human element can change the way my brain works.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Crazy mom Moment - and I'm talking about me

So here I'll start my incoherent rambling, as I do when I get little whims and I start rambling and then I have no substance to back it up... here goes:

I don't know if anyone else has seen the poem on one of the mom blogs about don't ask the mom for a donut? or something. and the mom is about to do something when she is interupted from something else, and trips over something, that reminds her she has to do another thing, so she drops something and then has to do something else etc etc. until she gets back to her pen or donut or what ever it was that started the seeming rampage but is only a small snapshot into our lives as mothers.

Well, I had one of those moments today and in the middle of the moment, which I am about to describe, I realized how ridiculous I must look if caught on hidden camera. Or how it might play out in one of my future movies.

Picture this (or don't because of how gruesome it may seem to some): I just bought another ready mop. I haven't been moping my very small kitchen or entry way or bathoom like I mopped in Mexico. Any of you girls in Mexico know that sweeping and mopping is no less than an olympic sport in Mexico but here in the US it is an after thought for these smallish apartments with wall to wall carpet.

So there I am with my ready mop, trying to print a few pages from a movie camera manual so that I can study for the movie camera test tomorrow, and I was ready mopping in the other hand, and I decided to go to print one more page as I was dying to go to the bathroom, but us mothers, can ignore that sensation for incredible amounts of time, so I start printing and I carry my ready mop into the bathroom and as I'm sitting on my potty, I notice those spots on the toilet on the middle side of the toilet that get dirty and I grab a cleaning wipe and start to clean it but I can't reach so I put a cleaning wipe on each side of the toilet in that spot, and I finish my business then I stand up. But get this, I don't pull up my pants and I have the ready mop in one hand, and mopping of course, and I am cleaning the sides of the toilet with my face above the unflushed toilet, and pants around my ankle cleaning each side of the toilet.

Has anyone else seen that poem? I'm sure in all my madness it was hard to pull out what poem is that, but if you have seen it you will know.

I have got to put more stuff like this in the movies.... or is that too real?

Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hello God - paradox. and some deep shit

So everyday I get these spiritual messages from one Mary Mannin Morissey. Yes she is the minister from Portland that was involved in a scandal way back. But I love her messages. Today's messages is that she has a friend that makes a practice to just say "Hello God" where ever and when ever.

I read that and I really feel that. Like obviously there is a plan for E. I have to tell you that I have met some random really interesting people in the last few days. One I am considering getting his life story because he seems to have some great stuff. Anyway, yesterday before I got my first encrypted email from e which was only "hey love" There he was in the middle of a catastrophe and he texts me "hey love". He has that gift I guess, gift of patience. I always blurt everything immediately. I texted "Get online" thinking he was in his hotel room. He responds, "no me siento con ganas" (don't feel like it). Then he texted me, "Malas Noticias"(bad news), and that's all like 20 minutes between texts. Do you see why I was TOTALLY FREAKING OUT, AND LOSING IT?

On the train I met this interesting person before all the texting started, before I lost my composure. Before my mind flew out sideways of my head and splattered on everything...... I walked up to the train after school. I was thinking about going to Canada to see e. I had a waded up paper napkin in my pocket with a crushed croissant in it. I was starving so instead of throwing away my breakfast from a few hours earlier I decided to eat it. A guy walks up and sort of patrolled around the bench and garbage and ticket machine. He too was holding some food in some tin foil. He seemed normalish and glanced at me a few times. We stood there and ate our food from home. It crossed my mind he wanted to talk to me. My new outlook as a film student is to start really talking to strangers. (suggested by my teacher) So I thought maybe I should say something. Anyway, right before the train comes he says something like. "Isn't today a weird day? There is something weird in the atmosphere."

I did a hmmm? or ohh or something. I then said, "What do you mean?"

He said something like "things seem off kilter". That sounds weird to type. I say that occasionally but to type it it looks weird huh. Anyway he mentioned how everyone seems upset or angry.

So we boarded the train and I said "Sometimes I wonder if it is me projecting or me feeling peoples feelings, like the law of attraction." Then we talked about a whole string of Paradoxes.

Let me see if I can remember...... It started with consciousness. And I said "what is consciousness, How do you really define that?"

Then I said "I am confused about consciousness when they say the whole concept that time doesn't even go in order, and that it is supposed to be happening simultaneously how does consciousness really work?" and He talked about the whole yin and yang, and Buddha's concept to separate from the ego. and I said that I read about that concept of separating from the ego in "The course in Miracles" and he nodded. Then we also talked about whether you project your expectations or if you sense future things psychically.

And then it was his stop, he rode for about 3 stops and we talked about all that. That is when the day became surreal. About 1 hour after that is when I got the first text.

I just want to say, "Hello god!" I know you are fucking with me right now. Lol, smile! I don't know your plan. but Thank you, because I know with how dramatic you are being it is going to be good.

Love Puerto Vallarta Girl.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So much for that plan - I am devastated

I'm pissed off at Canada and I am devastated and I really just don't understand what has happened.

When I applied for the Canadian Visa I told them about everything, our history, that my husband was not able to come to the US, and other details that would have affected his immigration if not explained. And they issued him a multiple entry visa. I stated in the letter that he would travel there on and off and maybe even take a class there.

So I don't know what happened but I am crumbling. I was so hopeful and normal and now I am seriously distraught. My love is now as I write this in the Vancouver Canada Immigration holding cell. He has been denied entry into Canada as a visitor right off the plane, even with a Multiple entry visitor visa stamped in his passport.

Can you believe it. And I don't have anyone to talk to.

Help me god, I'm at my wits end right now. and the kids don't even seem to notice that we have a crisis.

I just don't understand. Its a difficult afternoon to take care of the little ones and go through this. I can't even talk to e... till he gets back to Mexico.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Where did Halloween come from.


SNL Adam Sandler Halloween Costumes - View more free videos
I was getting caught up on the reading for one of my art classes. Yeah reading, seems weird to me that you have to read for art but you do. In the text book Drawing From Observation by Bryan Curtis, Chapter 12, it explains biomorphic forms and spherical cross-sections from drawing pumpkins and carved pumkins. I KNOW you are reading this going blah blah blah blah, then in figure 12.17 in the book, it has a description of where our modern Halloween came from. I have never read this particular description before. Since living in Mexico I now know all about the day of the dead. And in the US I have thought for awhile that Halloween is just an excuse to get free candy.

This description, if true, seems much more plausible but it also seems like a modern day excuse to JUST GET SOME CANDY.

It says that the modern day halloween represents the ancient Celtic Festival of the new year (Samhain). The celts believed that the new year started on Halloween, October 31, and the fabric of time becomes pourus on that day. During that day the spirits can actually come through from the other dimension and wreak havoc on the world of the living. So to protect themselves they put out candy and treats to keep the spirits happpy. This is why the modern day version has children dress up like monsters and they go door to door for candy.

How awesome is that to find out there really is some method to our madness...!

Most people know about the Mexico version which is similar to the celtic version "The day of the dead" which is November 1st is about going to the cemetary and having a party with your departed relatives and praying for them. Some people actually have bands and entire dinners right there at the cemetary. While I was there in El Rancho... Michoacan it was a combination of the Day of the dead and Halloween and my nephews actually went out for candy for 3 days.

Anyone have any other takes on where Halloween came from?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

He's coming to Canada

Next Wedensday my Man is going to Vancouver, BC, Canada, a mere 311 miles away from us we are going to wait out the immigration reform for US and I will commute to see him on weekends and holidays in Canada. Yeah! I am happy.

He has had his visa since end of August but he has had a lot of things to do and we had to really consider this carefully because it is a big decision. But now it is set. The ticket is purchased and he is coming.

I still have hope for Immigration reform - check out this email from American Families United

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: American Families United
To: puertovallartagirl@gmail.com
Sent: Wed, October 21, 2009 11:16:16 AM
Subject: Big victories for families!


Hi Puertovallartagirl,

What a week!

1. The big news: Congress approved a measure to end the Widow's Penalty yesterday. It will be singed into law shortly. Read the NY Times article here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/21/us/21widows.html?ref=nyregion

We are so excited that this bill has passed, both for the families affected, and for the implications for immigration reform -- Congress has just shown that it can get things done.

American Families United is proud to have supported this legislation, but the real credit goes to an attorney named Brent Renison, who led the effort for 6 years with Surviving Spouses Against Deportation. Please don't be shy in going to the website and sending Brent a note of thanks for his hard work on behalf of his clients and all American families!

2. In another victory for one American family, the parties for Dan and Hoa around the country on September 10th are paying off. Their story made the front page of the Minnesota daily:

http://www.mndaily.com/2009/10/12/supporters-detained-former-student-pushing-immigration-reform

Following that story, Congressman Keith Ellison called Dan personally and told him they “put their shoulder against the wheel” and begin working to help Hoa and Dan by contacting DHS. In a great first step, Hoa is being released home today! Their legal case continues, and they want waiver reform for all families, but it's so encouraging to see hard work pay off with this personal victory.

3. In Washington, DC, former Congressman Bruce Morrison and Paul Donnelly continue to lobby for our reforms. In addition to follow up contact with Congressman Ellison, important meetings have been held with the offices of Senator Schumer, Congressman Gutierrez, and other major players. Meeting our recent fundraising goal has allowed us to stay right in the center of the debate as events unfold.

Senator Schumer is still working on a Senate bill, and his support for our reforms is strong. Congressman Gutierrez's office also continues work on a progressive immigration bill, and our estimate (which is a guess not official word) is that the bill will be introduced after Thanksgiving. Congressman Gutierrez's office has not gotten into the details of our reforms, but is supportive.

4. In another victory for AFU, a national coalition of family groups has embraced aggressive waiver reform as a principle for comprehensive immigration reform. This coalition already supports our other urgent issues. In response, AFU is combining forces with other members of this coalition to support a briefing for Congressional offices on Friday. This briefing will promote the Reuniting Families Act and the principles for family immigration reform. Cara Huang, Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff, Office of Congressman Honda will speak. Staff from over 10 offices have confirmed already. If you are in the area, and think you might be able to attend, please consider this an invitation! This would be a great opportunity to talk more specifically about the reforms that would help the people close to you. The meeting will be held at 2:30 pm Friday on Capitol Hill. Please respond with your phone number if you are thinking about attending and would like more information.

With all that's going on, we'd like to ask for your help to keep up the momentum and to have fun at the same time. Specifically, could you help us with one of the following?

a. Help us come up with new credit card design. You can send your pictures to photos@americanfamiliesunited.org and read more about this effort here:

http://americanfamiliesunited.org/node/77

b. Give us your suggestion or support existing suggestions for our upcoming holiday fundraiser. We have a big goal ahead and need your input:

http://americanfamiliesunited.org/suggestions

c. If you or somebody you know are personally affected, think about how you might replicate the success of Dan and Hoa's story. Collecting your thoughts in a personal campaign page would be a great first step to prepare for that effort:

https://americanfamiliesunited.org/civicrm/contribute/campaign?action=add&reset=1&pageId=3



Thanks,

Randall Emery

American Families United

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just one of those days - those ... I miss him days.

I stepped out of the car today and reached around to manually lock all the doors. Yes my car doors don't have automatic locks can you believe it? Then I said a silent prayer. "Dear god please give me the strength to write an uplifting blog post". Then I walked up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, walked in and turned on the laptop. I sat down on my cushy sectional, one sock on, one sock off and sit down to my computer to talk to my husband and write the blog about what I am sad/mad/incredulous about. God give me patience. I don't want to be mad all the time. This post is about Single Mothers - when the fathers don't want to be there, and single mothers - when the fathers want to be there, but the government won't let them.

I get online to web cam with my husband and then I also log into my email account and I get a very nice email from one of the blog readers here that lives... not too far from me, up in Washington State, and her husband is in Mexico, it's now been over 2 years. I don't want to get that anniversary. I don't want to have a day where I say, it's been 2 years now. After I read the email I started to cry on the web cam to my husband, which makes my husband cry, or should I say sad, he didn't actually cry but I could see his eyes very sad.

I don't think of myself as a single mom.

I'm not, because I have a husband, that wants to be with us. But on some level I am a single Mom. Forced by the government rules and regulations to be apart from the love of my life. There are many people who might say I have chosen to be a single mom, because I left my husband and came up here. No one should say that. Not until you have lived in my shoes. And she had, Mrs. Washington has lived in my shoes. She says she reads my blogs and she feels as if she is reading her own words. The reason this is important is because we have to recognize that we are NO small group. And we have rights! We are Americans and we have rights (OR SHOULD HAVE RIGHTS) same as the people who fell in love with people who are citizens. They are no better.

Every single person in Our beautiful country either was, or is related to an immigrant. I sometimes am so frustrated with the racist people. I've read that there are people who are saying get rid of anchor babies. Well, how about this, everyone that's parents were immigrants, or their grandparents were immigrants, get the fuck out of this country? Huh, Jesus, do they even understand the implications of that. Some of the people that are trying to say to get rid of anchor babies are probably in a sense kicking themselves out of the country. Oh, your parents are from another country, your not American! They are so far off base, because the USA is a melting pot. The entire premise of the USA is a composition of all the worlds countries.

OK, calm down, I'm having trouble calming down - this is what this blog is supposed to say:

All he has to do is hold one of my hands in the air, hold my other hand by his shoulder and bounce his knees and I fall in love again. There doesn't even have to be music playing.

We are such different people, my husband and I, not only culturally but personality wise. He is "A take it as it comes" type of person, and I am "A search it out and catch it" kind of person. And somehow we make a perfect balance. Somehow our ying and yang are working together to create a passion that glues us together and I want to be with him. I want to be a partner with him and I need him inorder for me to be ok, I need him to be my sounding board and talk me down from some of my crazy impulses, or to support me with my sensible ones. We met December 31st, 1998, he held out his hand and asked me to dance. Not bad huh. We still want to be together.

In a society where divorce and fathers leaving mothers has become so prevalent. Where large percentages of new births are to single mothers, and marriage only has a 50% chance of survival, I just cannot understand why it is so complicated to have my husband with us when HE WANTS TO BE WITH US! As if there aren't already enough challenges in this life.

Someday, we will know why we are all going through this. If you have an idea, post it here.

I'll start.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Photo post







After just now getting better from a fierce cold/flu/god knows what. We finally got out of the house for some fresh air. We went to the Lents Farmers Market which was actually only about 12 stands and very few people but I got the peaches I wanted. Though they are not ripe yet (dab nagget)...

Anyway afterwards we went to the park and I could not stop myself from taking some shots of the beautiful colors. Also here are some photos from a few weeks ago at a different park out in Gresham.

And a photo of me on the day I got my College Art Kit. It is huge!

That's all for now. I have ton's of reading to do, I am having a hard time keeping up with all the reading.

Happy Movies,
Puerto Vallarta Girl in Portland