Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Our vacation on our vacation

This Article was originally written on May 3, 2007 (beware this was written while drunk - since we were at an all inclusive resort)

Here we are in Ixtapa, Guererro, Mexico, up the coast from Acapulco and just 5 hours from Enriques small country home town. I’ve been getting used to being in Mexico and I really like it. But, I don’t think that Ixtapa is the place for us. We are looking for somewhere to invest our money... and we don’t feel comfortable here. What I mean is we are not getting along.

I guess I’ve been waiting for something. I’ve been waiting for a time when we can have fun…. But there is always a reason that we cannot have fun right now. We are drinking and I think that Enrique just can’t loosen up. He doesn’t even want to sit down in the Ocean.

We talked a little bit and I said maybe you are upset because you don’t know what we are doing… and he agreed. Or he might have even said it himself.

It is like pulling teeth trying to understand how he is feeling when he is upset….

The thing is …. It IS VERY obvious that he is NOT HAPPY. And he seems as if he is looking for something better and to tell the truth there are a lot of pretty girls in Mexico. Skinny pretty girls. Anyway…. He seemed really sad about how Michelle and Jorge broke up (his brother and wife) and it struck me that maybe he is worried about us breaking up… He kept saying but what about the children? Is it possible he has only been with me all this time out of convenience and he doesn’t even really love me? Because for some reason I am getting that feeling again.

I just thought we can really be happy now. And I think that we were actually happier before we decided to go to Mexico. I mean….. He was happier before we decided to go to Mexico… We were not happier together because we were not together doing fun stuff and I felt isolated. Now I think he is feeling the feeling of not having a job and not having a specific purpose and he doesn’t even know who he is…

DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP US TO BE UNITED…….. DEAR GOT PLEASE HELP US TO HAVE FAITH IN YOU…. I KNOW WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK. I KNOW EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST. It is just so difficult for me to let go because I love him so much. “My whole life is this family and it doesn’t work without him…” Jerry Macguire.

Sorry I’m a champion.. I just listened to the song that Ty gave us. It is good…

Thinking about it I think that Enrique is not comfortable with me in public… for whatever reason………

A Miracle happened today. We went for a walk on the beach and it actually made Enrique happy. NOTHING HAS MADE him happy for awhile.

I Just heard this song FM Radio…….. "half dunk, lonely soul screaming out, try to lose everything you know……daddy aint coming home…….."

I miss my dad. Hes all I ever really had for solid support!

I feel like that song is talking about me, I'm running away to get away from the pain of losing my father back in 1999. I loved him so much.