Last night I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I showed up somewhere and it was supposed to be that Miguel my ex-boyfriend was there and he was dressed in a tuxedo and he didn’t really look like Miguel, his hair was strait and long and kind of like when we first met but his skin was really clear and he looked younger. He approached me and Enrique was there with me. He had a box for a ring in his hand and he started to ask me to marry him. I was looking at him incredulous and I stopped him and said… “You can’t ask me to marry you because I am already married to Enrique.” It was sort of matter of fact. He seemed sort of upset but was sort of like he figured it was that way or something. I remember thinking would it have been more kind to let him go through the whole thing and said no…?
I just don’t know why he keeps showing up in my dreams. Or my thoughts even. It’s been 10 years. Isn’t it weird. 10 years ago we saw each other for 3 weeks officially. Then I impulsively broke up with him for a stupid reason and spent the next 3 years regretting it. During 1 ½ of those years we were on again off again sleeping together. I moved out of those apartments where I kept seeing him all the time September of 1998. I continued being obsessed with him for around 1 more year. Even though I was seeing Enrique. It truly was unrequited love. For those of you who don’t know what that means, it is when you love someone who doesn’t love you back.
After Enrique and I got married 3/2001 I never really talked to Miguel again…. I saw him one day when I was driving down 96th street, he was standing in front of some house. Then I thought I saw him another time in front of a different house mowing a lawn one day. That would have been in the year 2004 or 2005. Then just a few days before we moved to Mexico 4/2007 I saw him at IHOP. I was tripping out. I looked terrible…. He didn’t look too good either, but when he smiled and talked, the old feelings came to the surface a little bit. I said "Hi" to him and he came over after a bit to say hello, he’s very personable….
Then I blurted out…”Why do you ALWAYS say that, it’s called an IUD Birth control..” Then we continued to talk as if that didn’t happen. We chatted some happy small talk. I was dying to talk to him more, but I insulted his brother….on accident. I said something like..”So I heard JoAnne put Sergio in Jail.”
I was disappointed and she was very surprised because by looking at him and comparing him by looks she said that I hit the jackpot with her brother. I told her some of the terrible things that happened and told her I agreed. Miguel and I would have never worked out anyway, not with the things that happened between us. And his fears.
Enrique and I are really doing good. Its just hard sometimes, in any relationship I think it is hard but with moving down here and everything I think ultimately it can bring us closer. We both want it to work. It’s just hard.
As far as being here in Morelia, today was a good day. I didn’t expect it to be a good day. We went for a visit to his great aunts house ½ hour away and I expected to feel out of sorts all day long. This started to make me sad and even as we first got there I felt weird. But then I did my thing and took photos and no one seemed to care except to be a bit irritated. Then later it just turned sort of fun and lighthearted and we enjoyed ourselves.
We’ve been talking about how after we sell this house we have now in Puerto Vallarta that we can build our house here. A little house that is for visits here. I think it is a good idea.