Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dancing with a Prostitute?


This article was originally written on May 16, 2007 1:04 am

Maybe I had it coming… I don’t know. Maybe for being such a bitch and him being so nice to me all the time, I deserve to be treated like complete shit. I love him so much and I just don’t understand how this can happen to me? I mean I don’t know. I guess I haven’t been treating him good enough. I guess I am not doing my job. Or I am such a bitch that I am pushing him away.

A few months ago before we moved to Mexico, I went out with my friend Melony and we left at like 2pm and saw a movie. Then we went for drinks. At the time I didn’t really want to go for drinks but I did because she wanted to. Then after that we ended up going to a tavern and at some point I stopped answering the phone and then a little later I would answer again. I was having fun and Enrique ended up really upset about me not coming home by 7pm, like I had said I would do.

In all actuality I stayed out until 11:30. That is the time that I got home. I think that Enrique was keeping this in his back pocket like a get out of jail card.

The other day on Mexican Mothers day I left and went to a café between Home Depot and Walmart for a few hours… I had some time to myself. Now that Enrique is not working I think he understands the difference. Of wanting space from the kids.

Well what happened just now is appalling. Utterly horrible to me. To my family. To my relationship.

Enrique wanted to go spend some time hanging out drinking beer and he said he would be with these guys he knows. Juan Jose.. This guy is sort of in the family.

So he says he wants to go on a bike ride. I was packing because we are supposed to go to Puerto Vallarta tomorrow. We are supposed to go look for a condo or an apartment or somwhere to invest our money.

We have been together now since 12/31/98. The first few years were rough he cheated on me. We had an open relationship at first and then he cheated on me when my father died and after that.

Since we got married it has been really hard for me to trust him but I have. I guess I’ve sort of taken him for granted. I don’t know. I still love him so much and I want him to be happy. But he seems sort of lost right now like he doesn’t know what he wants. Or where he wants to be. Or even be with me at all. He was happy for a few days. But today he got mad at me really easily.

So he was drinking with those guys. And then he came back again and brought June and said he was going for a bike ride again. But really he just went to a different corner to drink beer. I was ok with that and then he came back again and helped load up the car for our trip. And I asked if he could fix the shower so we could take a shower. So he did. He was really nice about it. Then he went back to drink some beers. So I got all ready to take a shower and I was trying to organize both kids in the tile bathroom… and the cold water wouldn’t work. It was just pure hot water.

So it was about 8:30 or 9pm I had to send my nephew Jojhan to go get Enrique because both showers weren't working right, one shower there was no Hot water and the other shower there was no cold water. So again Enrique finally came back and he looked at the bathroom and turned the knob on and saw that the cold water didn’t work so he tried it again and it worked. We were standing there in the blue tiled bathroom with a bubble design. There is a shower curtain we just installed in a corner position and he was very sweet. The kids and I were already undressed and waiting to shower and Enrique was very apologetic. He even helped me to bathe the kids and dress the baby. He even helped to put Jimi down to sleep. Then he said do I mind if he goes and drinks again. I said no, thats fine.

He said he would be back in about 1 hour. Must have been 9:30 or so maybe 10 pm. So I got the kids to relax and I put on the movie Hitch. The kids finally fell asleep and I put them in their own beds and continued to watch Hitch. I watched the movie all the way through and really enjoyed it.

The message is that there are no rules in relationships. I only checked the time once during the movie and then again when it ended.

When I saw that it was past midnight I decided to go check on Enrique. I had a feeling of suspicion but many times this is just me and what happens is I check on him and everything is ok. So I put on my Old navy worn sweatshirt over the top of my lacy mini night gown that comes mid thigh with seethrough spots on it and my slip on shoes with no underwear and I wonder.. “should I be walking around Mexico at night dressed like this…?” And the baby starts to cry. So I sit with him for awhile and I figure out he has gas pains… So I give him some gas medicine.

Finally he calms.. I walk outside and I walk out the gate it is totally dark throughout the yard and you can only see by moonlight. The streets are dimly lit. From where Enrique’s Moms house is to where he is supposed to be is like 1 minute walk maybe 2 minutes.

I start to walk down the road and I don’t hear anything. I continue around the corner and I hear music. I continue walking in the direction he is supposed to be and it seems that the music is getting quieter. The streets are very narrow and the houses and walls line the sidewalks. There are various dogs around. Off in the distance I see a dog that is not in its gate and I make a few more steps around the 2nd corner to where Enrique is supposed to be and decide it is best to head back where there were no dogs.

I hear music in the far off distance and dogs barking in different yards.. I think "They are barking because of me." I see one person look out their curtains because they hear me walking down the road. I hope they don’t recognize me. Since I have my glasses on and my hair is a mess I don’t want anyone to see me.

But I have a driving desire to find out where Enrique is. As I go around the corner I hear someone peak out their window and say in Spanish “Who is that?" or something I hear 2 voices a man and a woman discussing who is that? I see a reflection of light down the road where Enrique was at first and I think, "Oh he is where he was earlier." It is a garage filled with grain. I feel relieved but when I approach. I realize it is not the place I was thinking. For a split second I think if he is at the next house, where the light is coming from, I will be very mad, because it is his ex-girlfriends house. But I think why would he do that? Already I was trying to figure a reason why would he do that.

As I walk down this street toward the highway the music is getting louder. What is playing is a typical Mexican type of music either cumbia or Banda. I see a truck parked outside and I again think, "Should I be walking by the highway dressed like this at this time of night?"

So here is where it all comes down… I know that across the street of this highway is a Mexican Whorehouse. This is what has been explained to me as what appears to be a bar. But has women in it who for a drink will dance with you, for a few more drinks or money will give sexual favors and for a bit more the whole shebang. I’ve been told BY Enrique that he was told this bar IS a whorehouse.

What led me there was that he was not home and he was drinking so the logical conclusion was that he was probably there because I didn’t hear any other loud music.

So I look down the road and see distant traffic in each way and I worry if I go over there to look for him the men might think I am a prostitute. Maybe I shouldn’t go.

And then I think "What if someone driving by me tries to grab me or something?" I am thinking these things as I cross the east bound lane of the highway and I stop in the center. Then I think well I will only try to see if I see him. I had already thought earlier before I got to the highway, if he is not visible what can I do? I cannot go through all the rooms looking for him… if there are rooms?

So there I am in the center of the traffic and I think perhaps I can just see if I can see through a window or something… And I can ….there appears to be a open area that you can just see in and a man dancing with a red had. That is Enrique.

It is kinda blurry after this. I become filled with upset adrenaline.

I rush towards the place. I recognize that it is indeed my husband dancing with a woman. He was dancing very nicely in his sweet way. He wasn’t dancing really sexual. But unless its your Mom or your Sister everyone knows there is something sexual about dancing belly to belly with someone.

What haunts me is that his face was very happy and he seemed to be having a really nice time.

I ENDED THAT.

I am an extremely Jealous wife. Well, because of his prior infidelities. I rushed in and sort of pushed the lady out of the way. Enrique didn’t really even know what happened at first. I grabbed his shirt and tried to yank him out of there and I punched him on the chest and face and then he followed me and I yelled “You piece of shit! What the Fuck are you doing? You fucking piece of shit. You fucker. I fucking can’t believe it. I fucking can’t believe it!” Some guys came out after him as Enrique sort of followed me. I was so furious with him. That kind of furious where you cant control yourself. Where you don’t even know what you will do. I was completely sober and furious.

As I headed back he sort of followed. I kind of thought he wasn’t even going to come. That maybe he was happy and he just wanted to stay there.

I yelled that I was going to tell his Mother. So I ran to the house. And as I opened the gate to the yard I started to sobb. I sobbed those heavy sobbs like you can't really understand what is happening because it is so terrible. And I went to his Moms door and I knocked . Not really really loud but loud enough to wake them.

They said in spanish "What is going on ?" They were worried that something terrible had happened. And it had happened to me. But I don’t think they thought so. Though his Mom was very kind. I yelled in my best sobbing out-of-control broken Spanish, that Enrique was at the whorehouse across the highway. They could not understand me. His mother came to me at the door and hugged me. And it felt good to have a mom hug me then. It really did. I said again he was at the whorehouse dancing with a woman and I spoke some English too because his dad understands some English.

And she held me for a minute and said something that meant “now now” and then she said sort of accusingly that the baby had been crying. And I said, "I know I was here, he had gas and I gave him gas medicine." I told her that Enrique promised me nothing like this was going to happen when we came here.

Because believe me when we made the decision, to move here I covered every possible bad thing that might happen. She thought I had said that they were fighting. It sort of sounds the same. Enrique esta bailanda con una puta, or Enrique esta peleando. So when they realized no one was physically hurt they calmed down.

Just then Enrique walked up and I pulled away from her and I called him a piece of shit again… I went and sat down because I didn’t know at that point, what I was going to do. In a minute or two after talking to his Mom he came over to where I was and started to talk me down. I ran through a lot of scenarios.

He tried to say that he wasn’t there for sex. He told he that after Juan Jose went to bed he sort of made Negro his cousin go over there. I think he planned it the whole time. I believe he doesn’t want to leave. I think he feels trapped with me I don’t know. He wants me to believe he only went there for a beer because the stores were closed. "I’m not an idiot!", I said. "Don’t touch me. Get away from me." He tried to say that the day I went with Melony was exactly the same thing that he just did. "It is not the same thing!" I said, "He is not the person I am in love with. Stop talking because you sound like a complete idiot. " He tried to say that he knows he is wrong and he didn’t hit me back because he knows he was wrong. And if he wasn’t wrong he would have hit me back and he didn’t lay a hand on me. Right. He wanted an answer. To validate that He acted appropriately. And I said “Oh yes, you didn’t hit me back, everything is ok now.”

Finally after awhile I went to the bedroom and he finally came in there after he puked. And here I am in this room with him passed out and puking every few minutes. 2:40 am